Role Models Page #4

her bosom away.

Apollo has lifted his skirt.

The day has been launched.

May I present to you

my vassal, Artonius?

Greetings, friends.

Greetings.

Tell me, Blufgan, art thou

preparing for the Battle Royale?

'Tis a mere month away.

Aye, my lord.

Huzzah, huzzah!

Godspeed, Blufgan,

and all hail Xanthia!

Hail, Xanthia!

Hail, Xanthia!

Rub-a-dub-dub!

What the f*** just

happened there?

They're my kinsmen.

We're all from Xanthia.

We're a smaller country, but

we're no Cacedonia, Danny.

Ow! Don't hit so hard!

Okay.

Hi, Blufgan.

Hey! Hey, Esplen.

Blufgan! Blufgan!

Blufgan!

Blufgan!

All right, Gleebo.

One more.

I should have never started

feeding the goddamn elves.

Jesus Christ.

Hey, master handler.

Whoa! Who's that dork?

That's the king.

Well, I should have guessed. Nothing

says royalty like The Burger Hole.

Yeah, he and his lackeys eat

there before every battle.

His majesty approaches.

Oh, crap!

His royalty approaches!

Long live the king.

What are you doing?

You have to kneel

before the king.

Bow down, little girl. Little

girl, bow down, bow down.

Why?

Because he's the king.

I beg you!

No.

Damn it.

Hey, pull over to the

mini-mart and get me some OJ,

and not that

from-concentrate sh*t.

Would it kill you

to say please?

It might.

"Concentrate. Not from

concentrate. Pulp. Low pulp.

"Lots of pulp. "

Well, well, well.

Hey. Fancy meeting you here.

What, are you stalking me?

Had to get my bagel-dog

fix. So how's little Ronnie?

Oh, you were right about us

being a great match. Yeah.

You know, like at Christmas when you

get a gift? That's what Ronnie is.

A gift. I love him so much.

Wow. Well,

that's very nice.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I gots to get my Slurpee on.

Well, watch this though first.

Look at that.

What does that look like?

Okay.

Open the door, Ronnie.

You forgot to say "please. "

Please open the door,

or I'll pour your juice out.

I don't drink

juice, biatch!

Come on. Hey. Ronnie.

Oh, no. Don't turn that

engine on. I swear to God...

Okay. Okay.

Joke's over, buddy.

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Good one! Good one, Ronnie!

Now open the f***ing door!

Ronnie! What are you doing?

Dude, dude, dude, dude,

dude, dude, dude, dude!

What are you doing?

Baby! Yeah!

Don't you run me over!

Oh, no!

Ouch! Watch it!

Hey!

Oh, yeah. So good.

Good times.

You're on

thin ice, buddy.

Then quit.

I never quit.

Give me my

damn juice.

Oh, this juice?

Yeah, that juice.

F***ing a**hole.

Punk b*tch.

The lad had seasoned his mutton

with wine berry and not mead!

The lad had seasoned his mutton

with wine berry and not mead!

Hey, did you see that spell of

unbreakable madness I casted on those orcs?

I don't think so.

The length of a moon,

hence "honeymoon. "

Eight hours down,

This sucks ass.

Dude, I just spent the

afternoon in Middle-earth

with glee-glop and the

floopty-doos, all right?

Give me a f***ing break.

I got f***ing carjacked.

Yeah? Well, I got dumped.

You deserved it!

I hate your face.

I hate your face.

Ronnie! Ronnie!

Take the wheel!

Yeah.

What are you doing?

That is not safe!

He can't drive!

This is unsafe.

Okay, stop! Stop! Okay!

What the f***?

I'm driving! What...

Oh, my God!

Nice. Look what

you started.

Happy now?

I'm gonna kill you!

What did I do?

So I guess I'll pick you

up tomorrow around 9:00?

Uh, could we make it 10:00?

Kid, you wanna spend

some hours together or not?

Dude, if I'm gonna have to chauffeur

your asses around, let's make it 10:00.

Yeah.

Hey, Danny, you wanna

come see my turtle?

I'm fine.

Of course he

has a turtle.

See you tomorrow, Ronnie.

F*** you, Anson!

Never gets old.

Wait, wait, wait.

You b*tch!

Oh, my God.

She's moving out.

Dude, that's harsh.

Sh*t.

Wow, you weren't

kidding around.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I wanted to be gone

by the time you got home.

No, it's all right.

This is better, you know.

Now we get to share the

moment with Wheeler and...

Becca and Sarah.

Yeah, and Becca

and Sarah.

Who you've met,

like, 127 times.

I know.

Keys.

Beth, come on.

You don't have to do this.

I left you the Crock-Pot.

I know you like chili.

I know it's really hard for you right

now, but I just want you to know that

when you love something,

you set it free,

and if it's meant

to be, you just...

You take it back,

and it comes...

Yeah, I know where

you're going with it.

Yeah, and if she doesn't come back, I'd

go for that friend of hers in the sweater.

I know she's a few pounds overweight,

but, you know, in my experience,

it's the bigger ones that

do way more stuff.

Good talk, Wheeler.

Pick you up at 10:00.

Hi, Ronnie.

How are you today?

What are you doing here?

I told you I'd pick

you up at 10:
00, right?

But I thought

you'd p*ssy out.

Well, you see? It's wonderful. We're

learning so much about each other.

Hey! You must be Wheeler.

I'm Karen.

Hi, Karen.

Wow, you look way too young

to be Ronnie's mother.

What are you,

the babysitter?

You're funny.

You're gonna need that sense of humor

if you're gonna keep up with my son.

It's about time Sturdy Wings

found someone who could.

Yeah, well, I think that

Ronnie's a great little dude.

"A great little dude"?

You're cute.

You ready, pal?

I ain't your pal, vanilla.

Karen, would you mind

signing my hours sheet?

Sure.

Great.

Well.

All right.

You boys have fun.

His idea of fun is a

f***ing pottery class, yo.

Hey. Hey, hey. Watch

your mouth, little man.

I love you.

I love you, too.

I got shotgun!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Stop. Who are you?

What do you want?

I'm Danny from Sturdy Wings.

I'm here for Augie.

Oh. I'm sorry. Augie, right.

He'll be out in a minute.

Let me ask you something,

because you're one of these guys

that's good with kids, right?

Yeah. Totally.

'Cause, the kid, man,

I don't get it.

He's into dragons

and fairies

and, you know, hoboes.

Right.

So, I mean, what am I

supposed to say to him?

Yeah. I don't know. I don't...

Hey, but while I've got you

here in my personal space,

I was wondering if you could maybe

sign off on my hours from yesterday.

Oh, no, I don't...

I'm not the kid's parent.

No, that's... Parental signatures

are mama's department. One second.

Lynette! Augie's little buddy's

here. He needs your signature.

Oh! Hi!

Hi.

I'm Lynette.

I'm Danny.

So good to meet you.

You, too.

I was wondering if you could maybe

sign my hours sheet from yesterday.

Sure!

You know, we are so thrilled that you are

gonna be spending some time with Augie,

because, you know,

just how he is.

How is he?

I'm just glad you're gonna be getting

him out of his own little world a bit.

It's like, "Get out of here!

Leave home!"

Hey, why don't you come over

for dinner on Saturday night,

and we can get to know you

a little bit better?

I don't think so. It's not you.

I hate having dinner with people.

Hey, Augie, ready to...

Yeah, let's go.

Yeah.

I think

they're over here.

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