Role Models Page #7

and poems for the women they loved,

even if she was married?

No, I didn't know that.

Well, there you go.

It's her voice mail.

Hey, Beth. How's it going? It's me.

Tell her her hair is like

I was wondering if maybe

you wanted to get together.

I know there's a lot

of stuff I'd like to say.

Whispering eye.

So, if you get a chance,

give me a call back and...

You long for her

whispering eye. We can...

We can see each other.

I'd love to see you.

And her whispering eye.

And your whispering eye.

All right. Bye.

Whispering eye?

It means vagina.

It means vagina.

That's a classy

move, man.

It means vagina.

Yeah. Get your whispering

eye in the cab, Augie.

Vagina!

Hey.

Hi.

Thanks for meeting me.

I got you a venti chai,

which is what they call

a large here, which I love.

Wow.

There's a transformation.

Yes, well, you know, I've been doing

this community service for almost a month,

and I really feel as if it's given

me some perspective on things.

Well, that's great.

I hope that's true, Danny.

So let's get married.

Okay, I'm gonna leave now.

Wait.

Danny, you are not taking

this breakup seriously.

Yeah, because

I don't want it.

Do you really think

I wanted this?

Look. Hey. This is us.

This is not us.

We have not been us in a

while, because you are not you.

Danny, you're not happy.

I've been with you seven years, and

it's been getting progressively worse.

And it makes me feel bad about

me that I can't make you happier.

Where am I gonna find a girl who

hates all the same things I do?

You're so romantic.

Hey. Hey.

"You complete me. "

"You had me at 'hello. "'

Oh, God. Danny.

Come on, Beth.

You're not...

You're not hearing

what I'm saying to you.

"I am just a girl standing in front

of a boy, telling her to love her. "

You don't even

know that one.

Hey. Come on.

"Who you gonna call?"

"Ghost Busters. "

Okay. You know what?

No. I am committing to this breakup.

This is the best thing for us.

You can call me if you

need legal advice.

Come on! Let's kill

some Cacedonians!

And I got a little

something-something for you to wear.

Yeah, I'm not

gonna wear this.

No?

Soon enough.

Soon enough you'll want it.

Yeah.

Yo, Wheeler. What up, dog? You

scoundrel. What are you doing, man?

Yo, Hogan's having another

party tonight, man. You gotta go.

There's gonna be a lot of

sweet-ass p*ssy there, girl p*ssy.

Ooh! Uh...

Thanks for the offer.

Maybe some other time.

You're the king, Wheeler.

You're the king.

Dude, don't give up that

sweet-ass p*ssy on my account.

I'll go with you.

Okay. If you say so.

All right.

You're my PIC, Wheeler.

What's a PIC?

Partner in crime.

You're my PIC. Just don't

cock-block me tonight.

Wouldn't dream of it.

We'll have a great time.

We'll go to the party,

we'll get some zah,

play some Xbox.

Damn straight.

Countrymen, smell

the battle in the air!

Esplen,

Goddess of Navalore.

Venus herself would be jealous.

Braman, good to see you.

Good morrow, sir!

Good morrow to you.

Good morning.

Keep your blades sharp

but your wits sharper.

Ah! Gleebo, look at you.

A visage.

Men, get ready to

dance with swords!

Alack and allay! What lovely vassal

has Mercury delivered upon us today

and in such strange

and frightful attire?

Let us thank the gods

for sending us such a brave

and valiant warrior to Xanthia.

All hail Lunesta.

Hail, Lunesta!

How's it going?

Lunesta?

Isn't that a sleeping pill?

Yeah. It's 'cause I send my enemies

to their eternal resting place.

"To sleep,

perchance to dream. "

Well, welcome, Lunesta.

We bid you good battle.

Prepare to have your

worldview rocked.

Let's do this.

Let's do this,

we shall!

The battle begins!

Turn and fight, coward!

You'll never catch me!

What have you got?

The Cacedonians have

our kinsmen surrounded.

Leave them for Davith.

Prepare for

a Glencracken!

Comrades!

Cacedonia!

The king is

unprotected.

I shall approach him

from the rear.

God save you!

Oh, f*** me. All right.

You got it. I got you.

That's...

You look amazing.

Thanks, man.

You're dead.

No way.

I killed you.

You didn't kill me. Now

exeunt this battlefield.

Wait a second.

That's not fair.

Listen,

you little twerp.

You've been slain by the

mighty king. Now get lost,

and take some pride

in dying an honorable death.

No, but I killed you.

You can't kill me after

I already killed you.

Davith of Glencracken.

Yes, my liege.

Didst he slay me?

He doth not slay the king.

You weren't even here

when it happened!

Was too here.

Everyone, I'm telling you

the truth. I killed the king!

I...

Why don't you

believe me? I swear...

Dost the Xanthian

weep like a maiden?

Why are you

laughing at me?

What are you doing?

Danny, I didn't...

I killed the king.

Oh, my God.

You're lying.

Are you calling me a liar?

You're a liar.

Danny, just drop it. Let's just

get out of here. It doesn't matter.

Are you telling me a kid

could slay the mighty king?

Not a real king,

but you, yeah.

You're lying. I can tell.

Danny, stop.

He killed you.

Give him your hat.

It's a crown.

Give him your hat.

Danny.

It's a crown, dude!

Dude!

You're a liar.

It's a piece of plastic.

Okay, game over.

You both are disqualified

from Laire forever.

What?

Are you kidding me?

Augie! Augie!

Augie.

Leave me alone.

Look. I'm sorry.

No, you're not sorry. You

don't care about any of this!

This is so unfair!

Hey, come on, buddy.

I'm not your buddy!

You're only doing this because

the judge is making you.

And you know what? That's

fine if you don't give a sh*t,

but you don't have to ruin it

for me, because I do give a sh*t!

I give lots of shits!

Look, it's gonna be okay.

No, it's not gonna be okay!

You're the worst mentor ever! No wonder

your girlfriend left you, you a**hole!

Yo, Wheeler.

What's up, man?

Hey. What's up?

Okay, kid. Let's mingle.

Let's do it.

Yeah.

Excuse me, miss.

Yes?

You're sexy like

a chocolate strawberry.

Who told you to say that?

That's Wheeler,

my PIC.

Nice.

Come on, baby!

Pass it.

No.

No.

No!

Hey. I'm gonna

rock a squirt,

so you watch the kid

for a few minutes?

Sure thing. You're the king,

Wheeler. You're the king.

Yeah, okay.

Long line.

I've seen longer.

Have we met?

I don't know. Have we?

Well, what do you do?

Well, I'm kind of

on hiatus right now,

but my job is to dress up like a

minotaur and keep kids off drugs.

Well, that's how I know you.

I teach at Morgan Elementary.

That's so funny, 'cause I

think elementary school is hot.

Hey.

What are you doing here?

I wanted to talk to you.

No, I don't want to

talk to you right now.

Hey, Danny.

You decided to come for

dinner. Great. Come on in.

Thanks.

God damn it!

What's up his cooz?

I should take a piss

more often.

I don't know.

I don't got a raincoat.

Don't worry.

I'm very pro-choice.

Okay.

God, I'm really

kicking your ass.

That's because

this is soccer.

Black folks

don't play soccer.

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