Role Models Page #9

So you guys have to

be at the courthouse

no later than

All right.

Please, do not be late.

No. I know.

No, I'll be there.

You don't always have to get

breakfast this time of day.

Hiya, King.

No, no, no. I don't

mean to cause trouble.

I just wanted to come

by and apologize

for the way that

I behaved last time.

I... I lost my temper when I saw

you last, and that was regrettable.

Not to mention highly

illegal, you jackanape.

I know. It's just that my...

Denver omelet?

Right here. Thank you.

It's just my friend

was upset, you see,

and he thought

he'd stabbed you.

He hadn't.

Of course he hadn't.

Go on.

It's just that...

I accidentally cast an

unbreakable madness spell on him.

Well, that was stupid.

I know, right?

I didn't mean to.

You guys are reckless

out there.

Yeah. Unsafe. Okay, I had a

protection spell on me. All right?

But it had faded off when you

touched me, so don't flatter yourself

thinking you can come

back at me, okay,

'cause I would love to see

you penetrate me again.

Anyway, I was

just wondering

if maybe you could

see it in your heart

to let him fight today

on the battlefield.

He loves Laire

more than anything.

He's just a kid, but he's

got the heart of a lion...

Hmm.

...and the eye of the tiger.

Hmm.

More coffee?

No, I'm decaf.

Okay.

If he be so brave,

why doth he not show

his face here today?

Do you fight

all his battles?

Hmm.

He knows not I'm here.

Hmm.

He hath too

much pride.

Hmm.

Magic healing

potion. Wizards...

How's it going?

Tell your kinsman

we shall see him

on the battlefield today.

Thank you.

Thank you, noble king.

Really?

Mmm-hmm.

You know

you want it.

Now exit my

Burger Hole, boy.

Make it known to the Xanthians that

if they let Augie fight with them,

we'll destroy each and every

one of them, without mercy,

before the first

apple-cider break.

Hey, what's up, my PIC?

Ronnie. Ronnie.

To listen to me

and listen good. I am a

very animalistic woman,

a very animalistic woman,

and when it comes to my son,

I am a lioness,

a black Sheba.

Black Sheba.

Yeah, but listen...

I am a lioness,

and that boy is my cub,

and if you let anything bad

happen to my cub,

I will claw your ass up

until you sh*t sideways.

Do you understand?

Yes.

You'll tear me up so bad that when

I sh*t, it'll come out sideways.

I understand.

Okay.

It's just, Ronnie looks

up to you. Okay?

He doesn't need another

man leaving him behind.

I know. I know.

I f***ed up, okay?

I... The kid acts

so tough,

I didn't know I could

hurt him, you know?

I'm determined to make

it up to him. All right?

What I'm trying to say is that

when I get out of prison,

could I hang out with

your 10-year-old son?

Well, you're gonna have

to ask him yourself.

Hey. Ronnie.

Um...

Look. I'm sorry, okay?

I know I don't deserve it,

but Sturdy Wings or no Sturdy

Wings, I want to be your Big.

Okay. I'm your Little, and

you're my Big. I like that.

Can I tell you how deeply, deeply I

regret this situation with this latest Big?

Can I tell you how deeply, deeply I

regret this situation with this latest Big?

It's completely unacceptable,

and at Sturdy Wings,

it's not how we roll.

So I'm going to guarantee

you that Mr. Gary

is our most experienced

and dependable volunteer.

Let me

put it this way.

If I had a nickel for every year

that I've been with Sturdy Wings,

I would have enough

money to

play a game of Pac-Man.

Been five years.

And if I stay with Sturdy

Wings for another five years,

then I'll have enough

for another round.

Another round of Pac-Man. Right.

Five cents for every year,

times five...

That's 25.

We get it.

That's 25 cents.

That's a quarter.

But the Pac-Man here,

I think it's 50 cents.

What are you doing here?

I'm breaking you out.

There's a nation at war.

Are you in?

Aye.

Aye... I am, too.

Come on.

Wheeler hasn't called me back.

Are you guys gonna make it or what?

I don't know, Beth. I mean, I can't

speak for Wheeler, but I'll be there.

You gotta promise me.

Yeah, I promise. I just...

I'm helping Augie with something,

and then I'm on my way, okay?

County courthouse, 3:00.

All right.

Man, I'm gonna kick

some Cacedonian ass.

Yeah, totally.

It's Artonius.

Bid him good morrow.

Greetings, Artonius.

Get ready for some pain.

What? What? Wait. No, no, no.

No, you can't do that.

You're out of Xanthia.

What are you talking about?

Sorry, Blufgan.

Forget it, Danny.

They said I'm too

much of a liability.

They're kicking me

out of Xanthia.

What? Are you serious?

Screw them. We'll

start our own country.

We can't.

All my costumes have the same

colors and same symbols as Xanthia.

And besides, you can't start

a country with two people.

No? What's the minimum?

Where you going?

You can't go anywhere.

Come on.

What do you want,

a**hole?

Actually, we

need your help.

I can't believe

my eyes.

A minotaur!

Augie?

Where are you?

Hear he, hear he.

This is a battle to the

last man standing,

and the victor

shall rule the realm.

There'll be no magical

rejuvenation powder today.

Instead, if you are killed,

you are done!

Fight well, and may

the best country win!

Stay close, like

cotton on a lamb.

Brothers and sisters of the

new nation of Kiss-My-Anthia,

I stand here before you not as

the Augie Farks you once knew.

Today I stand before

you a warrior!

For time eternal,

I have let the naysayers

of this world bring me down.

They used to say,

"You shouldn't fight.

"You should be

embarrassed of yourself.

"You look like a young

Marvin Hamlisch. "

Well, you know what

I say to those naysayers?

I say nay! I will fight!

I will not be embarrassed!

Who the f***

is Marvin Hamlisch?

He wrote the music

to The Sting.

That's a good movie.

But I don't care,

'cause in this moment,

doing what I love,

I know I have already won.

An honorable, albeit court-appointed,

friend once said to me,

"Do what makes you happy. "

And nothing would make me happier

than to fight alongside you brave men.

When the elders

speak of this day,

they will speak of the courage

of Kiss-My-Anthia.

Of the Spaceman.

The Demon.

The Starchild.

And me, the Cat!

So let us raise

our swords in victory,

crank this sh*t up to 11,

and let's rip this

realm a new a**hole!

Yeah!

Yeah! What the f***

are we talking about?

May Xanthia and

Kiss-My-Anthia be allies.

King Argotron be damned.

We fight with you.

Thank you, friends.

Your honor is great.

Come. Let us gingerly

touch our tips.

Game on!

Game on!

Yeah!

Once we pass this point,

there's no turning back.

It's a fight

to the death!

About time!

Let's rip this sh*t up!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah. Oh, snap! No!

Come on. No!

Augie, what the hell?

Your boys just killed me!

Retreat! Go! Like the leopard!

Like the leopard!

Oh, Saint Venise!

Et tu, you two?

What the hell's going on?

They killed you, so you have to

die an honorable and noble death.

Okay. I think I can do that.

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