Roma Page #3

As arriving by car from the highway...

and taking the inevitable

raccordo anulare...

which circles the city

like one of Saturn's rings.

Scaratti at quarterback?

Christ! We'll never win.

- Five to zero. How do you like that?

- You should've stayed in bed.

Where the hell are they going?

- How long will it take? It's raining.

- We'll be ready in a minute.

- Tough life, eh, boys?

- Hold on tight.

Hey, you motherfuckin' gypsies, we're

gonna stomp the sh*t out of you today.

Go get your sister

and we'll bust her cherry for her.

Can you hear me?

Raise the boom as high as you can.

Move! Move! Move!

Kick the ruling class

out on its ass!

- Tell me what you see.

- Piazza di Siene.

I've got a tourist bus coming.

Shall I follow it?

Yeah, see if you can.

- You want a picture? I take it for you.

- Oh, thanks.

You very "bella. "

Can make a nice picture.

There. Don't move. Smile.

What are you framing now?

- Domes and bell tower.

- It's beautiful. I see the whole city.

The piazzas, the streets,

people on their way to work.

If you see people on their way

to work, it ain't Rome.

Get lost.

You're up so high

you must be seeing another city.

That's what they say about Romans,

and here we are sweating blood all day.

This isn't Rome anymore. Everyone's

gone crazy. Too much of a hurry.

They've become mean.

The true Romans have disappeared.

You don't think so?

Just take a look around.

All you see are filthy hippies,

students who don't want to study...

transvestites, drug addicts,

trash of all kind.

No, because you're forgetting

this film will be seen abroad.

If you show the perverts,

the street whores, negative aspects...

what are they going to think

of our lovely Rome?

What is it?

He wanted to ask you

if your film would show of Rome...

the important and eternal problems

faced by modern-day society.

And we're not only referring to

the problems in the educational system.

As the working world, with problems

in the factories, in housing.

We wouldn't want to see the same old

colorful Rome, easygoing, messy.

- The usual bland and commercial image.

- That's not the only Rome.

But I think a person

should be true to his own nature.

- Pino, what do you see now?

- The station and a small dome.

Yeah, it must be the dome

of the old Barafonda Theatre.

That's what I'd like to film,

for example...

a variety show

at the Barafonda Theatre...

thirty years ago,

at the beginning of the war.

Hey, sh*t-face!

You here too, huh?

Will you move your big feet.

What do you say, Spino?

How's it hangin'?

Give me a light, will ya?

Just 'cause you ate some glass

don't mean you're a window.

He can't help it.

He's never seen one before.

Don't look too hard.

You might hurt yourself.

Take 'em away.

- Hey, Ciriola, how do you like that?

- Man, she sure is built, huh?

Hey, Pericles! Pericles!

- Ding-Dong. What do you want?

- Shove that spotlight up your ass.

Here I am, ladies and gentlemen.

Good evening.

Most comedians start things off

with a joke or two before their routine.

Hey, get off the stage.

Well, I don't tell jokes

because I'm not very good at it.

So if you don't mind I'd like

to present a few of my imitations.

After my successful tour of Marino

Roccasecca, Frascati, Zagarolo...

I was greatly honored

to perform for the royal police force.

All right, shall we begin?

The first imitation is that

of a man who has eaten too much.

I said get off the stage.

What's the matter, you deaf?

The man said get off.

- Sit down, you big loudmouth.

- Second imitation.

Ayoung lady having a shower.

Maestro!

Hey, do us a big favor

and go away, will ya?

Yeah, go away!

Why? I've got just as much right

to make a living as everybody, don't I?

-Just disappear.

- All right, if you don't go, we will.

We'll pretend we enjoyed the act

and you pretend it's over. Okay?

- I'm what's known as "stil". "

"- Stil", achmil'"," you stink too.

Here you have the modern-day saturnalia,

the variety show.

As you can see, it is a combination

of circus maximus and brothel.

Listen, if you're going

to start talking dirty, I'm leaving.

What did I say?

I mentioned a brothel.

Even Proust, in the recherche...

gives us a lengthy description

of a house of ill repute.

Oh, you and your damned Proust.

But I've got to work

like everyone else.

Yes. So go out

and find a job.

Hey, Maestro,

strike up the band.

Boy, is that funny.

Will you shut your trap?

You guys are really making me laugh.

I'm laughing so much it hurts.

Goddamn bastards. Won't let decent

people enjoy an evening of theater.

- That man's a real artist, lady.

- Get lost.

I heard a little noise

Coming from the audience

Get lost!

Listen, lady,

what do you want from me?

Certain people

shouldn't be allowed in here.

I bought a ticket to enjoy the show.

So just shut up and leave me alone.

What are you trying to do?

Ruin everybody's evening?

If you're not having fun,

go home and play with yourself.

Kiss my ass.

- There.

- Madam, really!

- You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

- He's only human.

We're all humans,

but we don't go around doing that.

He's gonna get my purse

right in his face.

What a son of a b*tch.

All right, you a**hole.

I'm gonna bust your head.

You nuts or something?

I didn't do it. It wasn't me.

- I saw you throwing those beans at me.

- Again? I told you it wasn't me.

I'm gonna rip your arms off.

Gonna rip 'em both off.

Pipe down, baldy.

Hey, Maestro,

see if you can play this.

- Cram it up your ass.

- How about this one?

Up your mother's too.

And now for the best part,

everybody. Quiet.

For the Amateur Hour.

Where'd that big guy go?

The tall one with all those muscles?

He was right here

a minute ago.

- Somebody shrink you?

- No.

- Born premature?

- Yes.

If you ask me, this guy was born

before he was conceived.

- What's your name?

- Alvaro.

- And what do you do?

- Tap dance.

- Yeah, but what do you do besides that?

- I'm an electrician.

An electrician. And you learned

how to dance from all those shocks.

Okay, ladies and gentlemen,

Alvaro!

An imitation of Fred Astaire.

Help!

I feel sick!

Help!

I feel sick! Help!

Hey, Chiodo, it's here.

Here it is. Here it is.

Give me it. Give it here.

Let me have it. Go on.

Make yourself a fur coat,

Fred Astaire.

That's what you had for dinner, huh?

Double-time, Maestro.

If you'd thrown it at me,

you would have eaten it for sure.

- Your father's mustache!

- At least he wasn't queer like yours.

Same to you.

I'll take care of you later.

Come here, honey.

Come over here.

- What's your name?

- Loredana Fiorini.

- And what are you gonna sing?

- "You Stole My Heart. "

"You Stole My Heart. "

Wiseass.

Get back in the toilet,

you big piece of sh*t.

You have a match, young man? I really

don't know why they let her sing.

Wouldn't you be better off at home,

doing the dishes, girlie?

Thank you.

Whatever happened to talent?

I feel sorry

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