Ronal Barbaren Page #4

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I was thinking...

I've never really said...

...thank you for coming with me.

Actually, I don't know how I would

have made it this far without you.

Uh... okay.

Well, we'd better get some sleep.

Maybe we'll find the Sword of Crane tomorrow.

I'll keep watch. We elves need

no sleep. You can sleep safely.

- Can I ask you something, Ronal?

- Uh, yes, of course.

What are the barbarians like?

- They're not very clever.

- I thought more...

What are they like in here?

Well.

Uh.

A barbarian is always ready to help

those that need it.

Regardless of how dangerous or difficult

it is. And they go on quests all the time.

They're not afraid of anything.

Hard to believe I'm one of them, right?

- And they're great warriors?

- Yep. The best in the world.

It's just so difficult

to find a proper warrior.

Yeah. Uh, what?

I come from

an ancient clan of shield maidens.

Far, far away from here.

Our religion requires that I only

marry the warrior that can defeat me.

Many have tried

to defeat me -

but I'm too strong.

And for every duel I won,

I just got stronger.

Meanwhile, I could only watch as

the others found themselves a mate.

One by one. Eventually I was

the only one left.

It took longer and longer

for anyone to challenge me.

Then the suitors just

stopped coming.

The head of the clan

became impatient.

They told me to go forth, into

the world, to find a worthy husband.

A warrior with the strength

to defeat me.

If I am defeated, I must

obey his slightest command.

There have been none,

who are strong enough.

But everywhere I've been, it is said,

barbarians are the strongest warriors, -

- so maybe a barbarian from

your village can defeat me.

- That's why I went with you.

- Uh... Okay.

- Okay, what?

- Well, that's...

What you just said,

what does it have to do with love?

It will be love that defeats me.

I've waited so long.

Wow.

I've never

told this to anyone before.

It feels so... nice.

You know what, Ronal? It's actually

nice talking to you.

You're so lovely.

- Uh, to talk with, I mean.

- Well.

And if I had meant it the

other way, we'd have to fight.

- No, I wouldn't be so fortunate.

- Yeah, that would be a little strange.

- What was that?

- I don't know.

Hey, Elric.

Elves do not sleep.

- What is it, what's making that sound?

- I sense a terrible voice.

No one escapes

Prince Volcazar's anger!

Ronal, watch out!

Sandra!

- Curses!

- Ronal, wait for me!

Ronal!

Oh, f***!

Sh*t!

They're gone.

Damn! Let's move!

Sandra!

- No, no, no.

- We'll find her.

If we go now,

we can find them. Come.

- What did you do?

- It wasn't me.

The Amazons.

- It stuck.

- Congratulations, honey.

...can't get too much sun.

See my new shoes.

Aren't they fantastic?

- It's only women.

- I've died and gone to heaven.

- Hey, girls. What's going on?

- What's that?

- Oh, totally botched stomach pouch.

- Hello. Good to see you.

High Queen, we've captured

these women in the jungle.

We have brought them to you,

so you can decide their fate.

Stand them up. Let me see.

What remarkable women.

I've never seen anything like it.

- What's this?

- Ow!

- One even has hair on his chin.

- How clumsy!

- High Queen.

- Quiet, ugly girl.

- Who asked you to speak?

- We're not women.

- Well, we're men, you know?

- Men?

- Or nearly so.

- Men?

Heaven be praised. The gods have heard

our prayers and sent us two men.

Finally, the time has come,

when we can grow our tribe.

Take them to the sacred mating cabins.

- What?

- What!

We'll take the thin one first.

And save him for tomorrow.

No, help.

No, I won't!

Honestly, man. Why can't it be me.

I'd be more than willing to do it.

That's so f***ing typical.

No!

- Lord.

- You have them?

We have caught the warrior who

helped the barbarian escape.

Let me see.

A shield maiden.

- And a very sexy one.

- Give me a weapon and let me fight.

In time.

No one lays a hand on me without suffering.

So die then!

Impressive.

You are my type of woman.

Too bad I have to

to kill you!

What?

Foolish woman.

I know your rules, shield maiden.

You must obey me now.

It is your destiny.

You have defeated me.

Single piercing is not cool.

Double piercing is the sh*t.

Yes! It's about time.

Is it my turn?

The ceremony is over.

We will use you tomorrow.

- What? Tomorrow?

- It's the Queen's order.

Come back!

I want to be abused!

- Did you remember to lock the door?

- Of course.

Hey, what are you doing?

- We have to leave.

- What about all the Amazons?

Sandra is in danger. We must find

the Sword of Crane and help her.

- That can wait a week.

- We can't leave her behind.

- We can find another warrior?

- I want Sandra!

Hey, you didn't want

her help to start with.

F*** you! I'll be right here

making sweet love with hot babes.

That's the only reason

I came on this quest.

Oh, I forgot. You're not

on a quest. You're just f***ing boring.

Fine. Stay here.

You're not

any damn help anyway.

Oh, I just love that song.

Damn! F***ing sh*t!

Oh, what the f*** am I doing, man?

Ronal, I'm coming.

- Madam Queen?

- I just had to see you.

Ever since I saw you the first time,

my body trembles with longing.

I know it's against the rules,

but I must have you.

- If I may...

- I cannot control myself. Take me!

Take me! Oh! Yes!

Take me!

Stop!

Unfortunately I can't, Madam Queen.

My friend needs me.

What?

Perhaps I can be taken

prisoner again on the way back.

Alarm!

- Pigs! Men are pigs!

- Insane b*tches, man!

- He was your responsibility!

- And I locked the door!

Hang him from his balls!

Elric?

It's the first barbarians.

Wow.

Hello.

I need your sword.

I'll take good care of it.

That was easy. Wow.

Yeah. I apologize.

Sandra.

I'm sorry.

Time after time you escaped

my best riders, barbarian.

And then we find you up here, just as

my shield maiden said we would.

The Sword of Crane. The only weapon

in the world that can harm you.

Sandra?

Excellent. You've served me well.

- As you have commanded me, lord.

- What the hell is going on?

Lets move! We have to get this

barbarian to my wizard.

I sense,

that Ronal is in great danger.

- Do what you must, wizard.

- With pleasure, Lord.

- Ronal?

- Gorak?

- Here he is.

- No, no, no!

Finally! Mighty Zaal,

listen to your humble servant!

The blood has been collected from the Sons of Crane.

Grant us access to your temple!

What are you doing?

Only once every ten thousand years, is it

possible for Zaal, ruler of the underworld, -

- to come to our world.

I offer the ultimate sacrifice.

The sons of the warrior, who sent

him from this world.

And as a reward he will bestow upon me

his divine power.

All will bow to me -

or die!

Sh*t. We can't go any further

without being noticed.

Ronal!

What the hell's the matter with you?

Come on! Lift your feet!

Come on! Get up the stairs!

Wait here.

- Ronal.

- Alibert!

- What?

- Take it easy.

Keep moving, you wretch.

Ronal, where's the

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