Rough Night Page #4

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I'm so sorry.

It's a pretty important part!

Would some more cocaine

make you feel better?

Yes!

I'm gonna party till the break of day

This Montepulciano is majestic

and rebellious.

Tell me, what are you tasting?

Pepper.

Pass. I need more time.

Forest floor.

Licorice.

- There's a nostalgia to it, you know?

- Mmm-hmm. Yes.

- You are all correct!

- Oh!

- Yes!

- I need more time.

Oh.

It's Jess.

- Take it.

- Okay. Hello.

I'm drunk! I lost two credit cards already.

Oh, no. Okay.

- Well, it's getting pretty wild over here, too.

- Really?

I'm getting, like, a light beeswax.

- Oh, I like that.

- Oh.

Jess, guy says that we can drive his Lambo.

- I, um, I... Babe, I got to go.

- All right.

Call me when you're home safe.

- I will. I love you.

- Love you, too.

Get off the phone.

Are we ready to get crazy?

- Yeah.

- Sure.

This Lambrusco is served...

Chilled!

Do you guys remember Michelle?

Oh, Michelle,

she was obsessed with Nickelback.

Ooh, beauty, Jess!

- I know what this soiree needs.

- What?

Pizza!

Yeah!

- Pizza! Pizza!

- Yes, yes, yes.

- Yes!

- Nice! Sweet!

Okay, I love her.

- Right?

- Yes.

She is... Be-mazing?

I don't know how she would say it,

but she is incredible!

I am telling you, she is one of us.

- She is so free-spirited.

- Totally.

- I just... I love her.

- I don't know about that.

- I totally feel it.

- Do you guys feel like

she's here on a work visa,

or, like, a tourist visa or,

like, illegally?

- Like, what's her deal?

- What, dude?

- She's here for a bachelorette party.

- That is crazy.

- Build a wall.

- I just, like, don't...

I don't want to do

anything illegal tonight.

- What?

- You don't?

You just snorted a mound of cocaine.

- Simultaneously.

- That was, like, in the name of Jess.

That was, like, for Jess.

- Don't put that on me.

- Oh, check you out.

You're literally cuckoo.

I'm just, like, voicing

what some people are thinking,

- you know what I mean?

- Do you have snags?

Okay, no snags.

Um, is... This is a pizza shop, yeah?

God, it is so warm.

- You guys have to get in.

- Mmm,

I am coming.

I am gonna warn you now.

Uh, did not have time to self-wax,

so it is like a jungle down there.

- Self-wax?

- Yeah.

Like, with those weird little,

like, paper strips?

Yikes, dude.

Even I'm like, "Yikes, dude."

Look, you guys, I don't understand.

Why all the hate?

Ooh.

- Mmm.

- Okay, I got it, I got it.

- Well, that was fast.

- But, seriously,

we're gonna talk about

this self-wax thing later.

- Okay, come on.

- Ooh.

- Hey...

- Oh, not bad.

Stripper's here!

- You guys!

- Yes!

I don't want a stripper!

Did you bring a CD or anything?

Like, Now That's What I Call Music!

Or anything?

- No. No, I didn't.

- No? It's all right.

I got some pretty filthy music on my phone.

- I'll hook you up.

- Thanks.

- Hey.

- Hi.

Hey, um, I, uh, I got to take a piss.

Oh, yeah, there's a bathroom down there.

All right.

It's, like, down there.

Mmm.

I bet he's going to fluff his junk!

Let's give him room,

let's make a stage, yes.

You guys, I don't want a stripper.

I think he looks like he's on something.

He's definitely on something.

Like bath salts.

Oh, my God, he's gonna eat our faces.

- Oh, God, he would!

- Ugh, this vintage remote is so confusing.

I've never even had a striptease.

I mean...

- Nope.

- Well, there was that one time.

- I love myself

- ALICE:
Yes!

Maybe somebody else should go.

- Stripper. Stripper, stripper.

- So, this is Jess,

the bride-to-be, your subject, okay?

And lucky for you, so lucky,

you get to do whatever you want.

F*** her!

- Alice!

- Jesus.

- Too much.

- What? If it happens.

- Okay, whoo! Here we go.

- Do it.

First layer, off.

I touch myself

- Oh, sh*t.

- Yeah!

- Okay.

- Come on, Jess!

Here he comes. He's looking at me.

Ooh, happy Boxing Day.

Yes!

It's kind of turning me on,

but I really have to pee,

so it's, like, so confusing.

Mansploitation, b*tch! Yes!

Let's get to the beans,

let's get to the beans.

Yeah, just do it.

Get it over with. Get it over with!

- So good!

- Love her.

Make her feel special.

- Yes!

- Get that!

Oh, he's warm.

Ooh, all right. I like it.

Okay.

I know you want it, you little slut.

Oh, God! No! Ew.

Gross. You sit down.

So aggressive.

- I'm definitely gay.

- Okay, my turn!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Oh!

- Oh, sh*t!

Holy sh*t.

- I'm good!

- Hey.

Are you okay?

Oh, him? He's fine.

You're okay, right, bud?

Oh, God.

- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

- Oh, sh*t! That's blood!

What the f***? Oh, God.

Oh, my God, he's not breathing!

- Sh*t!

- Does anybody know CPR?

- Oh, my God.

- I'll look it up on YouTube!

- No, no, no.

- Oh, my God.

We got to do something!

Bugger! It's playing an advert

for toilet tissue.

Jess, do something!

- Sh*t.

- No, no, no.

Holy sh*t!

Oh, please, God,

please don't let this happen.

He's bleeding out. I can't stop the blood!

I have some Advil.

I'll get it out of my bag.

What's Advil gonna do, Alice?

- It's extra-strength, b*tch!

- Somebody call an ambulance!

- Four, five, six, seven, eight...

- He doesn't have a pulse.

F***.

He's dead.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Oh, sh*t.

I...

I don't want anybody else

When I think about you

Turn off the f***ing music!

Oh, I don't want anybo...

- Oh, sh*t.

- I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean to.

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, God, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

- No, no, no.

- Oh, God, the blood,

it's going everywhere.

Paper towels! Somebody get paper towels!

Why don't you do something, Blair!

I'm delegating!

- I killed a guy.

- It's okay.

Oh, God.

- Oh, not the bathroom towels.

- Oh, sh*t.

What are you talking about!

Who cares about towels right now?

Well, I don't know!

I don't know what to do!

I killed a guy!

Oh, God!

- I killed a guy today.

- Okay, okay.

- Deep breaths, deep breaths.

- "What'd you do?"

- Deep breath.

- "I killed a guy."

"What have you been up to?"

"Death."

- Keep it in there.

- That's better. That's better.

Time to call the police. Yeah?

No, no, no, don't call the police.

We're all high.

Let's get rid of the drugs,

and then we'll call the police.

Yeah, we'll just,

we'll clean up a dead stripper, cool.

Well, technically, he's a prostitute.

- He's a prostitute?

- No.

I got him from Craigslist.

He is a stripper, but then also an escort.

You hired a gigolo?

Don't judge sex work, Blair!

- Oh, my God!

- Frankie!

You know I'm running for public office!

How could you do this to me?

It's worse for me. I have two strikes.

If I get a third,

I could go to jail for 25 to life.

I'm not even supposed to be

out of the state right now.

I had to pry my ankle monitor off

with a shoehorn to get here!

Oh, God.

It's the chair's fault.

F***in' sh*t chair!

Wait a minute. You guys, wait a minute!

It was an accident. Right?

So, like, we're not gonna

get in trouble for an accident.

We're in Florida, Alice.

A white dude is dead at

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