Rough Night Page #7

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Not quick enough. You got to sad astronaut.

- What?

- Huh?

He has to sad astronaut.

- Okay, what is that?

- That's nothing to me.

- Sad astronaut?

- That news story?

Okay.

Lisa Marie Nowak was an astronaut.

And she was in love

with another astronaut named Will.

Now, Will cheated on Lisa

with some hottie Air Force captain.

Lisa found out and was pissed.

So, Lisa decided to deal with it.

Once and for all.

And she got a bunch of adult diapers,

so she wouldn't have to piss on the way,

and she drove straight from

Houston to Orlando

to, like, kidnap the Air Force...

It's... The story gets dark quick.

Point is, she used that crazy

astrophysicist brain

to find the quickest way to Florida.

- You... You want to get Jess back, right?

- Yeah.

Then you got to sad astronaut, bro.

Let's get some diapers.

La-da-da-da-dah

It's the motherfuckin' D-O-double-G

Snoop Dogg!

La-da-da-da-dah, you know I'm mobbin'

With the D-R-E

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know who's back

Up in this motherf***er?

What, what, what, what...

Not this brand! These leak!

La-da-da-da-dah

It's the motherfuckin' D-R-E

- Dr. Dre, motherf***er

- What, what, what, what

La-da-da-da-dah

You know I'm mobbin' with the D-O-double-G

Straight off the f***in' streets of C-P- King of the beats, you ride to 'em

- In your Fleet

- Fleetwood

Or Coupe de Ville rollin' on dubs

How you feel? Whoopty-whoop, nigga, what?

It's the next episode

- Jesus Christ.

- It's not that bad.

I think it's the body on top.

- Okay, okay, okay, okay.

- Okay.

Okay, wait, does anyone know

how to actually drive this thing, or...

I could do it.

I, uh, I took one to school every day

growing up, so, I feel pretty confident.

- Great.

- Perfect.

- Hello!

- Oh, sh*t.

- Hello!

- Oh, my gosh. Sh*t!

- The neighbors!

- Get him off. Get him off.

Okay, oh, my God, oh, my God,

what do we do?

- No, no... Okay. All right.

- No, no!

- So happy to see you.

- Okay, uh...

- Nope.

- Dang.

We hoped you were skinny-dipping.

- No.

- No.

- Nope.

- Okay.

- My, my.

- What do we have here?

Oh.

- Oh.

- Oh, wow.

Um, you know, I think they just wanted

to make love in international waters.

- Ah, yeah.

- Maybe they need our help.

Uh, no. I think we should probably let them

do their thing, you know?

So, let's just...

Well, this certainly gets me in the mood.

- Hey, Blair.

- Oh. Uh-huh?

- You need a tampon?

- Um, maybe.

We just opened

a bottle of Chateauneuf Du Pape,

and we're listening to some

remastered Fleetwood Mac.

- Oh, that's so nice.

- Oh! It is so good,

you could hear the cocaine

in Stevie's voice.

- I bet.

- We'd love for you to join us.

- Oh, that's so sweet.

- Um, no pressure.

Unless it's asked for.

Okay.

I am fully exhausted.

- So tired, you know?

- Oh, understood.

We're fluent in body language.

Oh, I bet you are.

- Goodnight.

- Goodnight.

All right.

- Oh, God.

- Oh, my God.

- Pippa. They're gone. Pippa.

- They're moving out.

- What is going on there?

- Pippa!

- Pippa!

- What?

Oh, my God. Wow.

Yeah. Okay.

- Sorry.

- Wow, dude.

- Let's dump him, yeah?

- Yeah, let's dump him.

Let's do the dump.

- Oof.

- Okay, Spanish language CDs.

Uh, if Jess hooked up

with a Spanish speaker,

- you're gonna want to reason with him.

- Gracias.

Oh, um, and I got this

generic Russian Adderall.

My little brother ordered it online.

It will help you focus.

It's super strong, but it is expired, so...

- Thank you so much.

- Hey.

- I love you.

- I love you, too, dude.

- Get her back.

- Thanks.

Mmm...

You are peeing.

I'm so scared.

I feel like we should say something.

- Yeah.

- Yeah. Good idea.

We're really sorry.

You deserved better.

- Mmm.

- Yeah.

There's nothing we could do

to bring you back, but...

We promise to spend the rest of our lives

trying to be better people.

- We owe that to you.

- Mmm-hmm.

God, we're so sorry.

So sorry.

So sorry, man.

We suck.

Okay, you can dump him now!

Aye aye, Captain.

This never happened. Right?

- Nope.

- It... It happened.

Right?

- No, we're not gonna talk about it.

- Oh, got it, got it.

Okay, bye.

- Oh.

- Whoa.

That could have been more delicate, huh?

She's going really fast.

I did it!

- Oh, my God, what the f*** is she doing?

- What is she doing?

Holy sh*t!

- Oh, my God!

- Are you okay?

I'm good. I'm really good.

Are you sure,

'cause you landed right on your neck.

Yeah, I just did a sort of straight shot,

landed on the neck...

snap, and we're back up.

- It was good.

- What happened?

I thought you knew

how to drive those things.

Yeah, no, I definitely do, but, um,

I think the gas and the brake are different

in Australia, so I got confused.

- How are you alive right now?

- I don't know.

But I'll take it.

Well, body dumped, girl's alive.

- What's next?

- We should get the f*** out of here.

- Great idea.

- Yeah, I like that.

- Let's do that.

- You sure you're okay?

Guys?

She should probably get a CAT scan.

Okay.

She's fine.

- Is there any more pizza left?

- I don't think so.

No!

Jesus, dude, we can order more.

No, not that. That!

- What?

- The sexy neighbors!

- Oh...

- They have footage of us dumping the body.

We should just turn ourselves in, right?

- We're f***ed.

- No.

We got rid of the body. We just have to

get rid of the footage, that's all.

- Right?

- Yes.

- Yep. Yep.

- Yeah, okay.

- Yes.

- Well, how?

Um...

No.

Absolutely not.

Thank you. Oh.

Make love to me

Mmm.

Your house is so, um...

- Funky.

- Thank you.

You should see our panic room.

Mmm.

May I?

Uh-huh. Mmm-hmm.

It's happening. God, you make me red-hot.

You know what would be

really, really sexy?

Please tell me.

If we got this on tape.

Oh, you naughty girl.

- Mmm-hmm.

- Ooh.

Oh!

Actually, I noticed that you guys have

these cameras outside and it's always been

a fantasy of mine to get caught

on a security camera, so...

Mesdemoiselles?

Oh, okay. Okay.

Thank you.

It's all I can do to see this through

See it through

Okay.

It's all that I want

- Oh, okay. Yeah.

- Is it okay that we're watching this?

Yeah, we're watching for Blair.

You know, for her safety. We're monitoring.

- Man, Blair looks great.

- Yeah, she looks great.

- You ready?

- Uh...

- Yeah, think so.

- All right.

- Oh!

- Relax.

- Oh!

- I've got you.

- Holy sh*t!

- Oh, my...

- Interesting.

- She's showing off. To me.

- Yes! Yes!

- Whoa.

Give me those. Give me those.

Oh...

Sadness, look at us now

The best of me, sadness

Hey,

it's Jess. Leave a message.

Jess, it's Peter.

How are you? Um...

Just calling again. Okay.

Oh, man.

What a story this'll be, huh?

For the grand kids. If we get married.

Um, do me a favor, call me back.

Let me know you're okay.

Got burned but I learned

it was all for the better

I love you so much. Please call me. Bye.

Back together, never thought

I could take all the wrongs

And turn them to right

Tonight

Sadness, look at us now

Hey,

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