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Rough Night Page #7
Not quick enough. You got to sad astronaut.
- What?
- Huh?
He has to sad astronaut.
- Okay, what is that?
- That's nothing to me.
- Sad astronaut?
- That news story?
Okay.
Lisa Marie Nowak was an astronaut.
And she was in love
with another astronaut named Will.
Now, Will cheated on Lisa
with some hottie Air Force captain.
Lisa found out and was pissed.
So, Lisa decided to deal with it.
Once and for all.
And she got a bunch of adult diapers,
so she wouldn't have to piss on the way,
Houston to Orlando
to, like, kidnap the Air Force...
It's... The story gets dark quick.
Point is, she used that crazy
astrophysicist brain
to find the quickest way to Florida.
- You... You want to get Jess back, right?
- Yeah.
Then you got to sad astronaut, bro.
Let's get some diapers.
La-da-da-da-dah
It's the motherfuckin' D-O-double-G
Snoop Dogg!
La-da-da-da-dah, you know I'm mobbin'
With the D-R-E
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know who's back
Up in this motherf***er?
What, what, what, what...
Not this brand! These leak!
La-da-da-da-dah
It's the motherfuckin' D-R-E
- Dr. Dre, motherf***er
- What, what, what, what
La-da-da-da-dah
You know I'm mobbin' with the D-O-double-G
Straight off the f***in' streets of C-P- King of the beats, you ride to 'em
- In your Fleet
- Fleetwood
Or Coupe de Ville rollin' on dubs
How you feel? Whoopty-whoop, nigga, what?
It's the next episode
- Jesus Christ.
- It's not that bad.
I think it's the body on top.
- Okay, okay, okay, okay.
- Okay.
Okay, wait, does anyone know
how to actually drive this thing, or...
I could do it.
I, uh, I took one to school every day
growing up, so, I feel pretty confident.
- Great.
- Perfect.
- Hello!
- Oh, sh*t.
- Hello!
- Oh, my gosh. Sh*t!
- The neighbors!
- Get him off. Get him off.
Okay, oh, my God, oh, my God,
what do we do?
- No, no... Okay. All right.
- No, no!
- So happy to see you.
- Okay, uh...
- Nope.
- Dang.
We hoped you were skinny-dipping.
- No.
- No.
- Nope.
- Okay.
- My, my.
- What do we have here?
Oh.
- Oh.
- Oh, wow.
Um, you know, I think they just wanted
to make love in international waters.
- Ah, yeah.
- Maybe they need our help.
Uh, no. I think we should probably let them
do their thing, you know?
So, let's just...
Well, this certainly gets me in the mood.
- Hey, Blair.
- Oh. Uh-huh?
- You need a tampon?
- Um, maybe.
We just opened
a bottle of Chateauneuf Du Pape,
and we're listening to some
remastered Fleetwood Mac.
- Oh, that's so nice.
- Oh! It is so good,
you could hear the cocaine
in Stevie's voice.
- I bet.
- We'd love for you to join us.
- Oh, that's so sweet.
- Um, no pressure.
Unless it's asked for.
Okay.
I am fully exhausted.
- So tired, you know?
- Oh, understood.
We're fluent in body language.
Oh, I bet you are.
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
All right.
- Oh, God.
- Oh, my God.
- Pippa. They're gone. Pippa.
- They're moving out.
- What is going on there?
- Pippa!
- Pippa!
- What?
Oh, my God. Wow.
Yeah. Okay.
- Sorry.
- Wow, dude.
- Let's dump him, yeah?
- Yeah, let's dump him.
Let's do the dump.
- Oof.
Uh, if Jess hooked up
with a Spanish speaker,
- you're gonna want to reason with him.
- Gracias.
Oh, um, and I got this
generic Russian Adderall.
My little brother ordered it online.
It will help you focus.
It's super strong, but it is expired, so...
- Thank you so much.
- Hey.
- I love you.
- I love you, too, dude.
- Get her back.
- Thanks.
Mmm...
You are peeing.
I'm so scared.
I feel like we should say something.
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Good idea.
We're really sorry.
You deserved better.
- Mmm.
- Yeah.
to bring you back, but...
We promise to spend the rest of our lives
trying to be better people.
- We owe that to you.
- Mmm-hmm.
God, we're so sorry.
So sorry.
So sorry, man.
We suck.
Okay, you can dump him now!
Aye aye, Captain.
This never happened. Right?
- Nope.
- It... It happened.
Right?
- No, we're not gonna talk about it.
- Oh, got it, got it.
Okay, bye.
- Oh.
- Whoa.
That could have been more delicate, huh?
I did it!
- Oh, my God, what the f*** is she doing?
- What is she doing?
Holy sh*t!
- Oh, my God!
- Are you okay?
I'm good. I'm really good.
Are you sure,
'cause you landed right on your neck.
Yeah, I just did a sort of straight shot,
landed on the neck...
snap, and we're back up.
- It was good.
- What happened?
I thought you knew
Yeah, no, I definitely do, but, um,
I think the gas and the brake are different
in Australia, so I got confused.
- How are you alive right now?
- I don't know.
But I'll take it.
Well, body dumped, girl's alive.
- What's next?
- We should get the f*** out of here.
- Great idea.
- Yeah, I like that.
- Let's do that.
- You sure you're okay?
Guys?
She should probably get a CAT scan.
Okay.
She's fine.
- Is there any more pizza left?
- I don't think so.
No!
Jesus, dude, we can order more.
No, not that. That!
- What?
- The sexy neighbors!
- Oh...
- They have footage of us dumping the body.
We should just turn ourselves in, right?
- We're f***ed.
- No.
We got rid of the body. We just have to
get rid of the footage, that's all.
- Right?
- Yes.
- Yep. Yep.
- Yeah, okay.
- Yes.
- Well, how?
Um...
No.
Absolutely not.
Thank you. Oh.
Make love to me
Mmm.
Your house is so, um...
- Funky.
- Thank you.
You should see our panic room.
Mmm.
May I?
Uh-huh. Mmm-hmm.
It's happening. God, you make me red-hot.
You know what would be
really, really sexy?
Please tell me.
If we got this on tape.
Oh, you naughty girl.
- Mmm-hmm.
- Ooh.
Oh!
Actually, I noticed that you guys have
these cameras outside and it's always been
a fantasy of mine to get caught
on a security camera, so...
Mesdemoiselles?
Oh, okay. Okay.
Thank you.
It's all I can do to see this through
See it through
Okay.
It's all that I want
- Oh, okay. Yeah.
- Is it okay that we're watching this?
Yeah, we're watching for Blair.
You know, for her safety. We're monitoring.
- Yeah, she looks great.
- You ready?
- Uh...
- Yeah, think so.
- All right.
- Oh!
- Relax.
- Oh!
- I've got you.
- Holy sh*t!
- Oh, my...
- Interesting.
- She's showing off. To me.
- Yes! Yes!
- Whoa.
Give me those. Give me those.
Oh...
Sadness, look at us now
The best of me, sadness
Hey,
it's Jess. Leave a message.
Jess, it's Peter.
How are you? Um...
Just calling again. Okay.
Oh, man.
What a story this'll be, huh?
For the grand kids. If we get married.
Um, do me a favor, call me back.
Let me know you're okay.
Got burned but I learned
it was all for the better
I love you so much. Please call me. Bye.
Back together, never thought
I could take all the wrongs
And turn them to right
Tonight
Sadness, look at us now
Hey,
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"Rough Night" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 31 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/rough_night_17185>.
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