Salmon Fishing In The Yemen Page #4

- What?

- You're on.

- This is a sign.

- A sign?

A sign that I should

stop talking bollocks and fish.

Come here.

- Nicely done, sir.

- Thank you.

Very nicely done.

Ms. Chetwode-Talbot.

Hello, Dr. Jones.

Is that yours?

- The dress.

- Yes.

This is not mine.

It suits you very well.

Thank you.

They seem to know my size.

That not strike you as a wee bit sinister?

The idea of the sheikh's tailor

tracking me across London

with some kind of

satellite measuring device?

They asked me for your size.

And I took a guess.

Well, for future reference,

I have a 32-inch waist, Ms. Chetwode-Talbot.

- Right.

- Not a 34.

No pies for me.

Note taken, sorry about that.

Thank you.

Ms. Harriet has told me

of your marvelous plan.

Plan? Well, not so much of a plan, really,

as more of a feasibility study.

Theoretically possible, you said, Dr. Jones.

- Theoretically.

Jndeed.

It would be a miracle of God

if it were to happen.

I'm more of a facts-and-figures man myself.

You're not a religious man?

No. No, I'm not.

But you're a fisherman, Dr. Jones.

I'm sorry, I don't follow.

How many hours do you fish

before you catch something? Dozens?

Gosh, hundreds sometimes.

Is that a good use of your time

for a facts-and-figures man?

But you persist in the wind

and the rain and the cold

with such poor odds of success.

Why?

Because you're a man of faith, Dr. Alfred.

And in the end,

you are rewarded for your faith

and constancy

With a fish.

With due respect,

fishing and religion are hardly

the same thing, Your Excellency.

With equal respect,

I have to disagree.

A toast?

To faith.

And fish.

To faith and fish.

To faith and fish.

And science.

And science.

You're unhappy tonight, Ms. Harriet?

No. I'm fine, really.

I have too many wives not to know

when a woman is unhappy.

Though mine are not so quiet about it.

Robert, he's my boyfriend,

has just been posted to Afghanistan.

Or somewhere.

I'm sorry.

No, it's fine.

For how long?

They don't really tell us things like that.

How worrying.

I just try not to think about it.

- And you are married, Dr. Alfred?

Jndeed.

It is kind of her to spare you.

My wife's actually working abroad

at the moment in Geneva, so...

So you two have more in common

than one might suppose.

I have put my feet in it. Please forgive me.

Perfect moment to retire to bed.

- Good night.

- Good night.

Thank you for a lovely evening.

You're welcome.

- Dr. Alfred.

- Your Excellency.

I know you have been persuaded to help us,

but unless you do this with an open heart,

I don't think anything will come of it.

So, please, consider.

Of course.

I hope we meet again.

Dr. Jones.

Yes?

Well, I was just wondering what you thought.

Well, the sheikh's English

has a certain tendency

towards the mystical, don't you think?

But then, doolally as

this entire enterprise clearly is,

I've had the most pleasant day I can

remember having for quite a long time.

So, if the sheikh is paying, as it were,

on we go.

Great.

Good night, Ms. Chetwode-Talbot.

Good night, Dr. Jones.

It's been a pleasure.

Yes.

Have you any idea

what an outcry there would be

if the Environment Agency

stripped British rivers of 10,000 salmon

and shipped them off to the effing Yemen?

Well, how many can you spare?

None!

Christ, Bernard!

Anglers, they're obsessive crazies.

You think AI Qaeda are a threat,

think again, mate.

I've seen a fly fisherman wade into a river

and try and drown a canoeist

just for passing by in a Day-Glo jacket.

You haven't got a hope in hell

of getting these fish from British rivers.

- Yes?

- Dr. Jones. Hello.

Ms. Chetwode-Talbot. How nice.

- Did we book a meeting?

- No.

You know how you said

that you wanted a meeting

with the hydro-engineering team

from the Three Gorges Dam?

- Did I say that?

- Yes.

That might have been a little hasty.

- They're outside.

- Who?

The chief hydro-engineering team

from the Three Gorges Dam.

Here?

I e-mailed them about the flow rate calculus,

and I think there must have

been some kind of...

My Mandarin is very rusty.

Bloody hell.

We are able to control the flow of water

from the upstream dam.

But we are...

Well, we're concerned about

the capability of the sandstone walls.

I mean, there's the possibility

also of some flash-flood scenario.

Thank you very much.

My God, do you think we got away with it?

- Do you know, I think we did.

- I'm so sorry, Dr. Jones.

No, please don't apologize.

I think we've just found our engineers.

- Yes.

- I mean,

should the project, of course, get that far.

Your Mandarin was much better

than I expected.

- Thank you.

- Bernard Sugden, Head of Department.

Hello.

Alfred not bothering you too much, I hope?

No.

Ms. Chetwode-Talbot from Fitzharris & Price.

Hello.

Bet he doesn't even know

your first name, does he?

So, who were all those

little chippy-chappies?

Those are the engineers

from the Three Gorges Dam.

What, the one in China?

- Is there another?

- Don't think there's another one.

Would have appreciated an introduction.

Bernard is the man who's responsible for

acquiring our 10,000 native Atlantic salmon.

How's that coming along, Bernard?

Don't you worry about that, Fred.

It's all in hand.

Well, don't dilly-dally.

Our end is coming along.

- We're bang on schedule, in fact.

- Yes.

A debrief in the canteen, or has Fred

brought in the famous sandwiches?

Ms. Chetwode-Talbot and I

are going out for lunch, Bernard.

There's lots to discuss.

Clare, could you ask Betty to bring my bag?

Thank you.

Certainly, Dr. Jones.

Are you sure you won't have one?

At lunch time?

Dr. Jones, I haven't spoken

a word of Mandarin for about four years,

so I am celebrating even if you're not.

I only drink alcohol on the weekend.

And even then, only after 7:00.

No exceptions?

None that I can think of.

Well, yeah. We got married on a Friday,

but I think it was, as I recall,

a bank holiday in Northern Ireland,

so I allowed myself, I think,

a glass on a technicality.

That was an attempt at a joke,

Ms. Chetwode-Talbot.

Right. Good one.

Do you really think it's going extremely well?

- What?

- The project.

The project.

Well, it's utter nonsense, of course,

naturally, the bagatelle of a man

with more money than sense, but...

I haven't actually found anything

to say that it couldn't work.

You know, theoretically, of course.

In theory.

Well, theoretically speaking, in theory it...

- We'll see, yes.

- Of course.

Actually, these are the companies

that have bid for the contract

to build the holding tanks

at the downstream end of the wadi.

- Shall we go through these?

- Now?

Yes, we could go through them now.

Well, we could work and eat, no?

Yes, I... Yes, all right, then.

- This one's from...

- Before that, cheers.

- Cheers.

- Very bad luck with water.

Some people think it's bad luck.

- EWB...

- Sorry. Excuse me.

It's the barracks. It's Robert.

- Sorry.

- No. Go on.

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