Salmon Fishing In The Yemen Page #5

- Hello.

- Go ahead.

Hello?

Yes?

What?

What?

Are you all right, Ms. Chetwode-Talbot?

He's missing in action.

What does that mean?

- Come upstairs and we'll get you your...

- No, I just need a minute.

Hello. My name's Harriet Chetwode-Talbot.

Well, I only knew him for three weeks,

but I am Robert's girlfriend.

I was wondering if you knew anything...

Of course. Yes.

Sorry, Mrs. Mayers. Yes, I...

Yes, of course. Goodbye.

You've reached Harriet Chetwode-Talbot.

Leave a message after the beep.

Ms. Chetwode-Talbot, it's Dr. Jones here.

Please forgive me for calling you

on your home number.

I was at something of a loss.

I realize that this has not been

an easy week for you,

but I was wondering when you might be

coming back into the office.

I had a very productive meeting

with the engineers

from British Oxygen Company

and, well, there's a lot of data coming in.

Really a considerable amount.

I'm sure I don't have to remind you

that we are working to a deadline.

Time and tide, as I am sure you are aware,

waits for no man.

Or woman.

Anyway, I look fon/vard to hearing from you

at your earliest convenience. Goodbye.

Can I come in?

Why?

Well, you might get cold.

- Very nice.

- What?

Your flat. Very pleasant.

Look, I'm not...

I'm not coming into work, all right,

because I need to stay here.

I need to be here in case there's news.

So, actually,

anyone with a shred of understanding,

or humanity, or simple feeling,

who, frankly, wasn't suffering

from some kind of Asperger's,

would know that the last thing that I need

is your bullying little phone call

asking me to come into work

so that you can update me on fish.

You want to fill me in on fishing.

Well, Dr. Jones, you can take your work

and you can shove it up your unfeeling arse.

I didn't come here to talk to you about work.

Then why are you here?

I made you a sandwich.

Why?

You're probably not eating. Are you?

No. You see, it's very important.

You must eat something.

Ms. Chetwode-Talbot.

Here.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do because...

I'm so sorry, Dr. Jones.

Call me Fred. Just call me Fred.

- You're all right now?

- Yeah.

You all right?

- Sorry.

- No,don

Why don't I get a plate and we...

You can put this on a plate.

- Shall I do it?

- No, it's okay. I'll do it.

I'm so sorry about what I said before.

That is just unforgivable.

The great thing about people with Asperger's

is it's very difficult to hurt their feelings.

So it's all right,

you can say whatever you like.

You don't have... You know, I was upset.

And rightly so.

Look, I took the liberty of

buying a wee bottle of wine.

Now, I hope you don't mind.

I know it's not the weekend,

but this one goes very well with duck.

I'm not very hungry.

Harriet, you've got to try and eat...

Is it all right...

Is it all right for me to call you Harriet?

My father is...

He's ex-Army,

so he's like very stiff upper lip

and don't make a fuss about anything,

but I'm more of a gusher.

I think that's his word for me, anyway.

My upper lip's never been very stiff,

I'm afraid.

But you still have a boyfriend.

I mean, I don't know a great deal

about such things, but...

Robert hasn't been listed

as being dead, has he?

No. But I just feel that

"missing in action" is Army-speak for...

Dead? No. No, as a civil servant,

I happen to know that

the Ministry of Defense absolutely hate

uncertainty of any kind.

If he were dead,

they would simply say "dead."

Can you stop using that word, please?

- I beg your pardon.

- It's okay.

They say that they'll call when there's news.

But they don't, so I guess there isn't.

Come to the Yemen.

We're leaving tomorrow, just for a few days.

- Geological studies, engineering surveys.

- No.

We even have a team of archeologists

checking we're not about to submerge

the Ark of the Covenant,

which would be unfortunate, you know.

No, I can't leave

because there might be news and...

Well, then, you'll fly back on

the sheikh's private jet immediately.

Why would he do that?

Because I asked him to.

Your services are very highly valued

by the sheikh,

and by me.

The project really can't do without you.

Who the hell cares?

Project? I mean, it's fishing.

You know, who the hell cares?

Well, strangely enough, I do.

I mean, I know it's probably

just a terrible folly,

but, still, I can't help

sometimes imagining that this

crazy enterprise might just come off.

You know, with a bit of luck

and with the right people.

And you, you are most definitely,

most definitely

one of the most rightest people

that I've had the good fortune

to come across.

If you'll forgive the grammatical

inadequacies of that sentence.

Do you sometimes think

that maybe we're just

part of a lavish practical joke?

What do you mean? Salmon, here?

Yes, I'm beginning to suppose that.

I don't know anyone

that goes to church anymore.

I don't think I do, either.

On a Sunday, we go to Target.

You know, this gravel here is perfect

for salmon to lay their eggs in between.

Who'd have thought that here

in the middle of the Yemen,

perfect spawning grounds for salmon?

Fred, look.

What?

Yes.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

Harriet, the water.

- It's beautiful.

- It's cold.

The water in her well is cold.

Oh, my goodness.

It's really happening, Fred.

Oh, my goodness, it really is.

Unbelievable.

These men, they say that by bringing water,

life, to this desert,

I am bringing the Western ways to our land.

They say I have insulted God himself.

I say they are fools.

A thousand apologies, my friends.

Please, this is not a way

to introduce you to our great enterprise.

Look.

Is it not magnificent?

It's beautiful.

Certainly is.

Bloody amazing.

- Hello.

- Hello.

For the last time, Sugden,

there is absolutely no way

I can get you these fish.

Tom, this comes from the top. The very top.

I don't care if God's taken up fly fishing.

Now, I suggest you make this work, Tom.

Is that a threat, Sugden?

These are difficult days, Tom.

Cuts. Cuts everywhere.

I don't know. ls the Environment Agency

a frontline service?

That is a threat.

See it as an opportunity.

Well, then. An opportunity.

Hilary, get me Matthew Sweet

from Fly Fishing Monthly, will you?

That's all I've been told, and so I...

Okay. All right, then.

Well, please, please, please call me when...

Okay. Bye.

I'm so sorry. Did I wake you up?

No. No, no. News?

No. No, I was just

leaving a message on Robert's phone

which is ridiculous

because he hasn't got his phone with him.

And I know that.

Just turning into a madwoman.

No.

No, when things get tricky in my life,

I talk to my fish.

I have a pond.

Talking to an answering machine

is no madder than chatting to koi carp.

I just somehow wouldn't associate you

with having a tricky life.

Well, it wouldn't do to talk about

your emotions with a colleague,

would it, Ms. Chetwode-Talbot?

No, I think...

I think things are beyond tricky, really.

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