Sausage Party Page #4

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Your loose morals are revolting,

tip-toucher!

You don't think that because I'm out

of the package he thinks I'm not pure?

God. I didn't want to say it,

but I do have that not-so-fresh feeling.

Excuse me.

- Are you a bun?

- Uh...

Yeah, I am. Why?

And you've been traveling

with a sausage?

Yes! Yes, I have! Have you seen him?

I have! He's looking for you in my aisle.

He's right this way.

I can take you to him, chica.

I take you to him real good.

All right, vamonos. Let's go.

I am to be trusted.

Yeah. This has a nice

south-of-the-border vibe. Heh.

Okay, you go over there

and you sit at the bar right there, okay?

You can't move a muscle, okay?

I'll be right back, all right?

Okay.

And bless me, Santa Chimichanga, and

protect me from the Dark Lord. Amen.

Oh, sorry.

Excuse me.

The bun.

The one he's been searching for.

She's here.

And she's beautiful.

Is it me or is everyone looking at us?

- H, hi. It's nice to meet...

- Shh.

Don't look at me. Eyes forward.

Act natural.

- Oh, okay.

- Listen.

My name is Teresa Del Taco.

And you are in grande danger.

This is a trap!

You must to come with me. Now!

All right. I got them right here,

amigo. I...

Sh*t!

Get your nose out of my crotch!

My nose out of your crotch?

Get your crotch off my nose!

- Hey. Why are we hiding?

- Shh.

He's coming.

- Who?

- The one they call...

El Douche.

- El Douche!

- El Douche!

What gives, bro?

You told me you had them.

So you drag me over to this f***ing aisle

with all these illegal products...

and now I don't see them.

So where the f*** are they?

Spill the beans!

Beans, I swear to f***ing God,

if you don't...

- shut the f*** up...

- Oh, no. He's back! Where's Frank?

- They were just here.

- What part of:

"I want the sausage and the bun dead,

and if you see them, come and get me...

and if I find out that

you didn't come and get me...

or just couldn't find them good enough,

I'll f***ing kill your asses"...

did you not understand, Tequila?

Well, it's a pretty confusing sentence

to be honest with you, you know?

I mean, this is...

This happens, you know?

Bro, come here. No, it's fine.

It's cool. No biggie.

I'm not gonna do something f***ed up

to you now as soon as I get you in close.

- Aah!

- No way, Jos!

Yes way. Jos's f***ing dead, yo.

Right in my guac and balls.

And the same thing's

gonna happen to all of you...

unless you find

the sausage and the bun.

Por aca, por aca, this way.

The coyotes used this tunnel

to smuggle some of us out of the aisle...

in hope of a better life.

We will do the same.

- It's good sh*t, isn't it?

- Okay.

Okay, I'm super baked. My friends are

probably wondering where the hell I am.

Will somebody please just tell me

something already?

Okay. The thing about

the Great Beyond is...

we invented it!

- What?!

- I know, right?

As soon as you're out those doors,

the gods kill our asses.

What, are you crazy? That doesn't make

any sense. Why would the gods kill us?

Because it makes them stronger.

Every kill gives them more power,

and it's never enough.

Over the years, they've grown

bigger, stronger, fatter.

Their hunger's insatiable, buddy.

I mean, f***.

You guys are f***ing nuts.

How much of that sh*t have you been

smoking? Too much is how much.

We blaze for real, 24/7. No joke.

But we also know our sh*t.

Before us,

everyone knew the awful truth.

Oh, how they screamed.

It was a living nightmare.

So we, the nonperishables,

created a story.

The story of the Great Beyond.

A place where the gods care for you...

and all your wildest and wettest

dreams would come true.

They would go out those doors happy

instead of shitting themselves.

Wait, wait. So you're telling me

you wrote the song?

I can't take full credit.

I wrote the music. Twink is my lyricist.

We both drop it right

and we drop it all the time. Boom.

The melody came to me one night...

when I was getting

super, super, super baked.

Like f***-a-guy baked.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, he does.

The song had a great hook

and it caught on. You know.

In time, everyone accepted

this false truth.

But over the years,

things started to get a little fucky.

The aisles started changing my verses

to support their own views.

F***ing with Twink's lyrics.

Remixing my sh*t without my permish.

Now every morning

when I hear the song, I'm like:

"What the f*** are you guys saying?!"

Wasn't there a part about exterminating

juice? I didn't write that! I love juice!

Always have. Juice are hilarious. Who

the f*** do these guys think they are?

Anyway, at least it's still

distracting them from the truth;

That they get brutally devoured.

So that means Carl and Barry are dead?

I don't know who those dudes are.

But if they went out those doors?

Dead as a motherf***er.

Oh, God.

If what you're saying is true,

I gotta tell everyone.

Very noble, little sausage.

But also very pointless.

No one will believe you.

I have to try.

Everyone will die otherwise.

Oh, yeah. That's a good point.

F*** me, right?

Wait, do you guys have any proof

of this?

Go to the Dark Aisle. Beyond the ice.

Why? What's in that aisle?

Oh, you'll see. But I warn you...

once you see that sh*t...

it'll f*** you up for life.

Good luck! Have fun! Ha-ha-ha.

Hey, Grits. Pack another bowl, will you?

I'm a-hankering for a hunk of herb.

Sh*t. I really needed that douche.

Holy sh*t, we're actually here!

Come on, Barry, you're missing it, man!

Dude, get in on this sh*t.

God, what have I done? Frank needed

my help, but I wasn't there for him.

After all the times he stood up for me,

you know.

God, I'm such a fearful coward.

He'll never forgive me.

I'll never forgive me.

Look, Barry, the only way

to respectfully honor Frank...

is to completely forget about him.

- Oh.

- And, hey, for all we know, he's okay.

He's probably headed back to our aisle

and he'll be here tomorrow.

Just act happy. Ignore your feelings.

Come on, let's see that smile. Ah.

I see that lip curling up.

Oh, there you go! Whoo!

Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

We're in the Great Be-frigging-yond.

Get ready, boys!

We's about to fills what we need to fills.

Feel that breeze.

- Carl, do you feel that?

- This feels amazing.

- Whoo-hoo!

- Oh, yeah.

We're out of the package.

It's beautiful, man.

It's just beautiful! I'm crying!

I'm crying because it's so pretty here!

Stretch your legs with me, Carl.

Just do it, man.

Oh, yes! Yes!

I'm the first to enter eternity!

Potato! Way to go, buddy!

That's my guy!

Being bathed by the hands of a god!

Oh, Danny boy

The pipes, the pipes are call... I

Oh, Jesus f***!

Oh, God! Me skin!

- She's peeling me f***ing skin!

- What the f***?!

Jesus, you f***ing whore!

Me eyes! They burn!

No! Please, no! I have got a famiglia!

No! No!

Cheese! You don't deserve that!

Oh, no! No!

For the love of sh*t, run!

Whoops!

I want my mommy!

They're eating children!

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