Sausage Party Page #7

---

I can't!

Okay, whoa, whoa, easy. Guys!

Easy! Look, I have a plan.

We can run.

I can't run. I'll melt.

Okay, then we'll hide.

Where? I'm huge.

- Then we'll fight!

- I ain't fighting alongside fruits!

Whatever, you nutjob.

So we cannot run, we cannot hide...

and we cannot stand up to them

because they're f***ing gods...

and they are immortal!

So, basically, there's no hope,

and we're royally f***ed!

Hey, guys! You wanna believe that?

Or this?

- I don't like bad things.

- Me, either.

We choose the more pleasant thing.

Yeah. I mean, what this sausage

is saying, it's just a theory.

No, no, no, it's not a theory,

you morons. It's a fact!

I'm showing you physical evidence.

Open your eyes. Don't be so weak.

Oh, Frank, what are you doing?

You, seor, have no bedside manner.

- I got bedside manner!

- You don't respect anyone else's beliefs.

You intolerant piece of sh*t.

No, it's starting. No.

Oh, no, no, no.

Come on. Sing.

- Do it.

- No! Don't do it, Corn.

- Come on, Larry. You can do it.

- Start.

Don't you dare f***ing do it, Corn.

Don't you f***ing do it.

Dear gods

You're so divine in each and every way

To you we pray

Brenda!

Dear gods

We pledge our love to you

Forever more

Brenda! You gotta get out of there!

No! No, no, no!

- No!

- Frank!

No!

Brenda! Oh, God.

Where we're sure

Nothing bad happens to food

Once we're out the sliding doors

Brenda!

What's up? I'm Ralph.

Looks like this is happening, huh?

Yeah, I've been working on my moves.

Ever heard of the jackrabbit?

Oh, f***.

The gods will always care for us

They won't squeeze us out their butts

We cannot overstate

How confident we are

That our beliefs are accurate

And nothing awful happens to us... i '

Brenda!

No! Where is she?

Sh*t!

Goddamn it.

I blew it.

Hey. Doesn't mean

it's too late to redeem yourself.

Take it from me...

Barry.

Barry? ls this real?

You're alive!

You bet your sweet butthole I am.

- But how?

- I'll tell you how.

The gods can be... Ahem.

Excuse me.

The gods can be killed!

- Oh, f***ing what the f***?!

- I know. Look at this f***ing guy.

I'm a f***ing idiot. I'm dead now.

I've been on a bad path for years.

Let me tell you the story

of my stupid f***ing death.

No. No!

No!

Woop. Five-second rule.

No!

And then they figured out how to drive

my car, snuck into an AC vent...

and that pretty much brings us

up-to-date. Get the f*** away from me.

Frank, I'm sorry.

When you guys fell out of that cart,

I could have done something, but I didn't.

Then I did the same thing as...

They killed Carl.

Those f***ers. Did he suffer?

No... Oh, yeah, yeah, he did.

They truly are monsters.

Those monsters are gonna kill Brenda.

She's somewhere out there in a cart.

I tried to warn everyone,

they didn't believe me!

Of course they didn't. You called

them all a bunch of f***ing idiots.

You can't just slam their beliefs. You

have to show them there's a better way.

You need to inspire them

like you inspired me.

You need to give them hope.

Hope? How the f***

are we supposed to give them that?

You got lucky and killed a stupid one.

There's dozens of them down there.

Perhaps I could be of some assistance.

Who are you?

I am Sorbitol, Malitol, Xylitol...

His name's Gum. Just introduce

yourself as Gum from now on.

He's great. He's gonna help us

get the upper hand on these f***ers.

Show everyone we can fight back.

Oh, sh*t. Brenda!

- Oh!

- Brenda! Brenda!

Frank!

Let's move, boys.

Whew. Kind of stuffy in here, hey, girls?

So I'm just gonna get out,

get a little air for a second.

- What's your problem?

- Let go of me.

First you smush Sally, and then you try to

f*** up Red, White and Blue Day for us?!

Get your hands off me! I gotta get out!

Just chill out, you crazy b*tch!

- Bun fight! Check it out.

- They're gonna kill us all!

- Oh, f***, f***, f***. We need to hurry.

- The bath salts are primed.

Make it rain.

What the f***?

All right, who did it?

Gary, did you just throw

this f***ing toothpick at me, man?

Nothing happened. You said this

would help us defeat them.

Worked on the dude

whose head we chopped off.

Let go of me! Let go of me!

She's being chosen. We have to act!

Whoa, God. What is happening?

Oh, my God!

There is no way this is gonna work.

Have faith.

Frank!

Brenda!

Let go of me! Let go of me!

Oh, God! Oh, God!

- Stay away from my sausage, you skank!

- Oh!

Frank.

Brenda. Look, I'm so sorry.

I've been dealing with this whole thing

incredibly poorly.

You really have.

Honestly, it's been pathetic at times.

But luckily, it's not too late.

Come on.

You see? There is hope!

Oh, not this guy. No one asked

for an encore, a**hole.

No, no, don't worry. I got it this time.

This time it's gonna be good.

Look, I'm sorry.

I wasn't respectful of your beliefs...

and I acted like I had

all the answers, but I don't.

Nobody knows everything.

But what I do know is that together

we can fight these monsters...

and take control of our own lives.

Yes! Our lives and our bodies!

We need to unite and stop focusing

on each other's differences...

especially in immature

and outdated ways.

We have to cooperate...

- Die!

- Oh, no! Pizza!

- The food's f***ing possessed!

- Oh, sh*t!

- We're all gonna die! Oh, God!

- It's devil food!

Oh, my God!

The sausage, he was right!

They're evil!

Oh, sh*t!

Nobody's gonna help us.

Then this is it.

At least we go out together.

- Aah... Ow! What the...?

- You f*** with them...

You f*** with us, b*tch.

Run, guys! We're out of ladles.

Hop on, y'all.

- Can't this thing go any faster?

- Suck my pink cock.

Come on, you candy asses.

Join the fight!

Hey, what do you think?

Should we do it?

Come on, guys. It's us or them.

Ow! Aah!

They're doing it.

Yeah! We got him!

- You ready for this?

- I don't know.

It's better to die a free candy

than to live in bondage.

This is gonna hurt so f***ing much.

Run, guys, run!

Sergeant Pepper, cue the fruits!

Fruits are a go. Go, fruits!

Jitterbug

No. Get away from me,

you f***ing fruits!

Yeah, that's it!

Beat him like a piata!

You send my soul sky high

When your lovin' starts

Get the Dark Lord!

Why do you keep calling me that?!

F***. Come on. Come on.

Okay.

Not exactly what I was looking for,

but f*** it, you know.

Hole's a hole, bro. Ha-ha-ha.

Wait, snap out of it, man.

Slap yourself in the face, man.

Oh, man, you lost your mind. No way.

This isn't real. No, this can't be real.

- Oh, it's real, bro.

- What?

Ahh. A talking douche.

It's cool, bro. Chill, okay?

No, no! This is too much.

This is too much. Breathe, man.

We both want the same thing.

Like, I'm feeling like honestly the two

of us could, like, collaborate together.

Like a mash-up, bro.

A mash-up? I don't understand.

What's happening?

You don't need to understand.

You just need to relax and open wide.

Wait. What are you doing?!

- Oh, yeah.

- Dude! That went up my ass!

Rate this script:2.4 / 5 votes