Saving Silverman Page #11
Thanks.
That's why I'm surprised|that you let Wayne boss you around.
Wayne's not--
No one bosses me around.|Wayne's not the boss of me.
Yeah. I think that you|seem depressed and confused.
You think?
You have a self-defeating|personality disorder.
Have you considered therapy?
I remember in high school, you were|really into helping people.
At parties, you were always|the designated driver.
Right. And I remember you|were a really good dancer.
And strong too. You used to be|able to lift me up over your head.
Still can.
Oh, really?
Ready? And....
-Oh, Darren!|-Help me!
Are you okay?
-I can't--|-Just hang on.
I can't swim.
Darren!
Are you okay?
Thank you. Thank you for saving me.
No problem.
Let it out now. There you go.
Come on.
Let's go, okay?
You're a lot stronger|than you were in high school.
Yeah, well, the convent's|got a great gym.
And ever since then,|I've been afraid of toilets.
What else can I say|about second grade?
J.D., let's fast-forward.
-Have you ever had a girlfriend?|-Yes.
No.
Have you ever fantasized|about having sex with a man?
-Which man?|-Any man.
-You mean, like, a tall man?|-Sure, whatever.
-I don't like tall people.|-How about a short man?
How short? Sometimes people can be|too short. That's weird, like midgets.
Have you fantasized about having|sex with any man? Any man at all?
Does that include celebrities?
-Can I ask you something?|-Sure.
I mean, not that it matters now...
...but if I had asked you out back|in high school, would you have gone?
Definitely.
-Not that it matters now, you know.|-Right.
-Perfect.|-Thanks.
Could you, you know, turn around?
Right. Yeah, certainly.
I have these.
Sorry, sorry, those are....
Thanks.
-Can you zip me up?|-Yeah.
I had a really good time.
Me too.
-Do you want to have dinner tonight?|-I can't.
Tomorrow I have a test in my|catechism class...
...and I have to score at least an 85|so I can take my vows on Sunday.
What about tomorrow?
I'm scheduled to take care|of an elderly nun on her death bed.
I understand.
But I'd really like to see you again.
I'll get out of it.
I always knew I was different,|and now I know why.
I always knew I was different,|and now I know why.
I'm gay.
You're the only person|who's ever truly understood me.
It's okay. Just let it out.
Everything will be all right.
It's all gonna be okay.
It's gonna be just--
Judith escaped.
Der!
Get to the truck. Go. Go. Go. Go.
Okay, she can't be far.
I see her!
Where? Okay, steady, steady!
I missed her.
Now. Let's go. Go, go!
You go this way,|I'll go that way! Go!
Open up! I've been kidnapped!
Hold your goddamn horses!
Oh, thank God. Hurry up.
Tonight Mr. Chang gets lucky.
Young lady, so horny, so impatient.
Oh, scrotum!
Dude, she's stealing the truck!|Come on!
-Now! I got her.|-Do her! Come on!
I got her.
Okay, Judith, it's over.
You might as well turn around|and head back to the house.
Oh, thank God.
Hi, officers. You're safe.
I'm Cowboy Wayne.
I just bagged me|one of them killer goats...
...that escaped from the zoo.
-Good job.|-Yeah.
Okay, then, I'll see you later.
There. That should|hold you for tonight.
Don't!
What the hell happened?
Judith was giving me some therapy...
...and helped me realize|I was gay and--
Wait. What?
I see what happened.
She messed with your head.
Wayne, I'm gay.
No, you're not.|You're just unsuccessful with women.
No, I'm gay. Judith got me|in touch with the inner J.D.
How'd she do that?
She listened.
Unlike people who knew me for years|and ignored all the telltale signs.
-Like what?|-Like my obsession with Bette Midler.
My preference for track lighting.
And the fact that I like sucking dick.
What?! You've done that?!
Not with another guy, but remember|when I bought that book on yoga?
I don't want to hear anymore.
Look, you want to be gay?|Fine! No problem!
But from now on,|I'll take care of Judith myself.
Okay!
-You want to be gay with me?|-No!
Come on, go, come on.
All you, all you! Eleven. Okay.
One more. One more.|Come on. One more.
Feel the burn. Come on, now.
Eleven.
What's the matter, dear?
You never used to be so winded|after only five sets.
Well, Mother Superior...
...I'm having some second thoughts|about becoming a nun.
Oh, don't get me wrong.
This is a terrific convent. But I--
But....
Well...
...I'm having these feelings.
What kind of feelings?
You mean sexual feelings.
Yeah, but it's so much more than that.
Yes, well...
...my dear...
...you're the only one who can decide|if this is the life you want to live.
But once you take your final vows...
...there is no going back.
Now, let's go bust out|some power squats.
There. That should keep you|from escaping again. And this....
This....
This should keep you from biting.
-How am I gonna eat?|-I thought of that.
-What is that?|-It's breakfast.
It's pancakes, sausage,|hash brown, Pop Tart, pured.
I won't eat it. I want a Big Montana.
A Big Montana from Arby's|with curly fries.
I won't get you one. If you won't eat|what I made for you, you can starve!
Why are you doing this?!
To save our friendship.
Friendship? It seems like|you're in love with Darren.
Bullshit!
Just get over it.|Your buddy smokes pole and so do you.
I am so un-gay!
Let's pretend you're straight.|When's the last time you got any?
None of your business.
So it's been years?
-I'm waiting for the right woman.|-There is no right woman.
If there was, you've already met|and she's killed herself or become gay.
-Bite me!|-Blow me!
-Skank!|-Eunuch!
Stealer of my friend!
What happened to your head?
I saw Judith.
Judith's dead.
Yeah, but...
...I could've sworn it was her.
-I was on--|-You poor thing.
You're still not over her death.
Maybe we shouldn't be|seeing each other.
No. No. God, I'm fine.
And, look, I can deal|with this. Okay?
-So, what are you having?|-Let's see.
There's the duck.|That was always Judith's favorite.
-I'm sorry.|-I should leave.
No, you shouldn't. I'm so sorry.
I will never mention|Judith's name again, really.
I swear. I swear.
Would you excuse me for a moment?
Please. I'll be right back. Okay?
In a-- In a moment.
Damn it!
-What do you want?!|-Wayne, it's me, Darren.
I have a problem. I'm with Sandy,|but I can't stop talking about Judith.
Okay. I'll be right there.
Okay, open up your shirt.
-Why?|-Just do it.
What is this?
Now...
...here's what's gonna happen.
I'm going to listen|to your conversation.
Now...
...if you say anything about Judith...
...or so much as mention her name...
...then I'll give you a little shock.
Perfect.
I don't think I'm comfortable|having these things on my nipples.
I could put them on your balls.
The nipples are fine. Nipples work.
Hi. Sorry, sorry, sorry.|I'm back. I am back.
There was a talkative|men's room attendant.
That's okay.
-Excuse me.|-Hey.
-This table's reserved.|-You know what?
I come here all the time,|and spend a lot of money...
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"Saving Silverman" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2025. Web. 23 Jan. 2025. <https://www.scripts.com/script/saving_silverman_17524>.
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