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Saving Silverman Page #5
I always knew I was different,|and now I know why.
I always knew I was different,|and now I know why.
I'm gay.
You're the only person|who's ever truly understood me.
It's okay. Just let it out.
Everything will be all right.
It's all gonna be okay.
It's gonna be just--
Judith escaped.
Der!
Get to the truck. Go. Go. Go. Go.
Okay, she can't be far.
I see her!
Where? Okay, steady, steady!
I missed her.
Now. Let's go. Go, go!
You go this way,|I'll go that way! Go!
Open up! I've been kidnapped!
Hold your goddamn horses!
Tonight Mr. Chang gets lucky.
Young lady, so horny, so impatient.
Oh, scrotum!
Dude, she's stealing the truck!|Come on!
-Now! I got her.|-Do her! Come on!
I got her.
Okay, Judith, it's over.
You might as well turn around|and head back to the house.
Oh, thank God.
Hi, officers. You're safe.
I'm Cowboy Wayne.
I just bagged me|one of them killer goats...
...that escaped from the zoo.
-Good job.|-Yeah.
Okay, then, I'll see you later.
There. That should|hold you for tonight.
Don't!
What the hell happened?
Judith was giving me some therapy...
...and helped me realize|I was gay and--
Wait. What?
I see what happened.
She messed with your head.
Wayne, I'm gay.
No, you're not.|You're just unsuccessful with women.
No, I'm gay. Judith got me|in touch with the inner J.D.
How'd she do that?
She listened.
Unlike people who knew me for years|and ignored all the telltale signs.
-Like what?|-Like my obsession with Bette Midler.
My preference for track lighting.
And the fact that I like sucking dick.
What?! You've done that?!
Not with another guy, but remember|when I bought that book on yoga?
I don't want to hear anymore.
Look, you want to be gay?|Fine! No problem!
But from now on,|I'll take care of Judith myself.
Okay!
-You want to be gay with me?|-No!
Come on, go, come on.
All you, all you! Eleven. Okay.
One more. One more.|Come on. One more.
Feel the burn. Come on, now.
Eleven.
What's the matter, dear?
You never used to be so winded|after only five sets.
Well, Mother Superior...
...I'm having some second thoughts|about becoming a nun.
Oh, don't get me wrong.
This is a terrific convent. But I--
But....
Well...
What kind of feelings?
You mean sexual feelings.
Yeah, but it's so much more than that.
Yes, well...
...my dear...
...you're the only one who can decide|if this is the life you want to live.
But once you take your final vows...
...there is no going back.
Now, let's go bust out|some power squats.
There. That should keep you|from escaping again. And this....
This....
This should keep you from biting.
-How am I gonna eat?|-I thought of that.
-What is that?|-It's breakfast.
It's pancakes, sausage,|hash brown, Pop Tart, pured.
I won't eat it. I want a Big Montana.
A Big Montana from Arby's|with curly fries.
I won't get you one. If you won't eat|what I made for you, you can starve!
Why are you doing this?!
To save our friendship.
Friendship? It seems like|you're in love with Darren.
Bullshit!
Just get over it.|Your buddy smokes pole and so do you.
I am so un-gay!
Let's pretend you're straight.|When's the last time you got any?
None of your business.
So it's been years?
-I'm waiting for the right woman.|-There is no right woman.
If there was, you've already met|and she's killed herself or become gay.
-Bite me!|-Blow me!
-Skank!|-Eunuch!
Stealer of my friend!
What happened to your head?
I saw Judith.
Judith's dead.
Yeah, but...
...I could've sworn it was her.
-I was on--|-You poor thing.
You're still not over her death.
Maybe we shouldn't be|seeing each other.
No. No. God, I'm fine.
And, look, I can deal|with this. Okay?
-So, what are you having?|-Let's see.
There's the duck.|That was always Judith's favorite.
-I'm sorry.|-I should leave.
No, you shouldn't. I'm so sorry.
I will never mention|Judith's name again, really.
I swear. I swear.
Would you excuse me for a moment?
Please. I'll be right back. Okay?
In a-- In a moment.
Damn it!
-What do you want?!|-Wayne, it's me, Darren.
I have a problem. I'm with Sandy,|but I can't stop talking about Judith.
Okay. I'll be right there.
Okay, open up your shirt.
-Why?|-Just do it.
What is this?
Now...
...here's what's gonna happen.
I'm going to listen|to your conversation.
Now...
...if you say anything about Judith...
...or so much as mention her name...
...then I'll give you a little shock.
Perfect.
I don't think I'm comfortable|having these things on my nipples.
I could put them on your balls.
The nipples are fine. Nipples work.
Hi. Sorry, sorry, sorry.|I'm back. I am back.
There was a talkative|men's room attendant.
That's okay.
-Excuse me.|-Hey.
-This table's reserved.|-You know what?
I come here all the time,|and spend a lot of money...
...so why not leave me the hell alone?
I don't mean to be pushy...
...but if this relationship|is gonna get serious...
...I have to give up becoming a nun...
...and I'd have to decide soon...
...because my final vows|are on Sunday.
Yeah, that thought had occurred to me.
And if I do that...
...I need to know that|you want marriage and a family.
Absolutely.
I never thought I'd say this to anyone|after Luigi died, but...
...I love you, Darren.
I love you too, Judith.
-Judith?!|-I mean Sandy.
I mean, let's dance. Okay?
You're out of here.
Put me down! I haven't ordered yet!
Time for an attitude|adjustment, mister.
Hey, nice move.
Damn, he's good.
Darren!
Oh, my God!
Oh, jeez. Oh, my God!
Are you okay?
It was a little weird.
-What's going on?|-I can explain.
It's aversion therapy. Wayne was|trying to help me get over Judith...
...so I had these things-- Nipples--
Oh, my God.|It's so much worse than I thought.
No, you're obviously not ready|for this relationship.
No, I am! Sandy, wait!
Okay.
Damn it!
Wait, wait.
Wait, Sandy!
Oh, my God!
Darren. What happened to you?
-I ran here from the club.|-That's 30 miles!
Yeah, I know. I wanted to say...
...I'm sorry. I'm sorry.|Can you ever forgive me?
Because the whole Judith thing|and the nipple clamps...
-...it's crazy, and--|-Yes!
-Really?|-Yes.
Just like that?
Well, I am training|to become a nun, you know.
Forgiveness is just sort of my thing.
I love you.
-Really?|-I love you.
-I love you.|-Oh, love. Love.
-Happy?|-You didn't have to do that.
I just happened to be by Arby's.|They were throwing out old food...
...so, you know, I thought, "Why not?"
Either way, that's nice of you.
I was wondering:
-Why Darren?|-What do you mean?
You don't seem the type to go|for a sensitive guy like Darren.
You seem more the kind of woman|that needs an assertive type of guy.
Before I met Darren, I was--
I was engaged to a guy like that.
His idea of fun was to fly to Thailand|to fight in a kickboxing tournament.
U.S.A.! Go, Josh!
After that,|I decided no more tough guys.
Yeah, and then you found Darren.
Yeah.
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"Saving Silverman" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/saving_silverman_17524>.
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