Scary Movie 2 Page #10

Buddy punches her in the chest. Cindy goes flying.

BUDDY:

Gotta be quicker than that, "A-cup!"

Cindy staggers to her feet.

THEO:

Well, are you boys just gonna stand

there with your mouths open, or is

somebody gonna offer me a seat?

Cindy sits just as Buddy unknowingly grabs the chair from

under her to give to Theo.

Cindy crashes to the floor.

THEO:

Many chairs are pushed in front of her including Dwight's

wheelchair.

REVEAL:

Dwight sitting on Ray's lap.

DWIGHT:

(referring to his

wheelchair)

It's the best seat in the house. I

warmed it up for you.

RAY:

Second best.

Theo sits next to the Professor.

Cindy and Dwight reseat themselves.

CINDY:

Professor, is this the same house

that a young girl was possessed by a

demon or something?

PROFESSOR:

Yes, it was reported, but never

substantiated.

SHORTY:

Yeah, just like that charges regarding

me and that blind Haitian girl.

BRENDA:

Pass me the salt.

Brenda tosses a handful of salt over her shoulder. It goes

into Dwight's face.

DWIGHT:

Hey, what are you doing?

BRENDA:

Keepin' evil spirits away. And if

that don't work I always got this.

Brenda pulls out a gun and c*cks it.

PROFESSOR:

Not to worry. There's been no reported

activity in the house for over twenty

years.

DWIGHT:

Let's not forget, folks, this is a

study on sleep disorders.

PROFESSOR:

Ah, yes, which reminds me, who here

thinks they'd wake up if somebody

snuck into their room and started

sniffing between their legs?

Hanson rolls in a cart filled with a variety of food,

including a huge turkey.

BUDDY:

Enough spooky stuff. Let's eat.

BRENDA:

Well ain't we gonna bless this food

first?

ALEX:

Allow me... God is good, God is great,

but not all the time. Sometimes he

could be a real a**hole, because it

seems as though every time I try to

establish a relationship with him,

he never returns my calls. I've been

praying for twenty-four years and I

haven't heard his voice yet. Not one

message on my answering machine.

Your miracles don't impress me. It's

your quality time I want. So, if you

hear me, and I know you're up there,

thanks for the food. It's the least

you can do. In Jesus' name, don't

let me get started on him, Amen.

Alex looks up to see everyone staring in awe.

HANSON:

Anyone care for appetizers?

Everyone chimes in their request.

Hanson removes the long napkin draped over his arm, revealing

his short arm and little hand with its stubby fingers. He

uses this hand to hold the tray of appetizers. He offers

some to the Professor.

HANSON:

Finger food?

Hanson walks around the table with the tray, offering.

Everybody reaches to take one. They realize that the

appetizers look creepily like Hanson's fingers. Cindy breaks

the tension and reaches for a roll.

CINDY:

How about these buns?

RAY:

Yeah, they're so warm and soft.

BUDDY:

Ray!!!

Ray pulls his finger from Buddy's ass. POP!

RAY:

Oh, my bad.

HANSON:

Sure, I'll just set them down and

you can help yourself.

Everyone grabs a roll. Cindy takes a big bite.

CINDY:

Ummm!! They smell delicious.

HANSON:

Thanks. I made them by hand.

Everyone drops their rolls. Cindy spits a mouthful into her

napkin.

HANSON:

The potatoes are just about ready.

Let me just go whip them up real

good.

He whips the potatoes. His knuckles dip into the bowl,

covering them with potatoes. Hanson licks his knuckles.

HANSON:

Ah, that's good. Dig in.

Hanson places the bowl on the table.

HANSON:

And now for the turkey.

RAY:

Say, what do you say you let me do

that? You just relax. You've done

enough.

HANSON:

Oh, nonsense. It's my pleasure.

Hanson raises a large knife, then rests his little hand on

the turkey to hold it steady.

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