Scary Movie 4 Page #3

After 20 fights, I was undefeated.

Only one fighter stood

between me and the belt.

You got this chick.

She's nothing.

Tiffany Stone!

Cindy, listen to me.

I know you're scared, but I believe in you.

You can win this.

And if I do win, George, then will you

tell me what my nickname means?

Yes. I promise.

Okay. Now just stick with the jab

and lead with your right.

Watch your footwork.

Let's go!

Whoa, whoa! You do that one more time,

I'm taking a point off, you hear me?

I got it, I got it!

Dude, check it out!

I can't take it anymore!

And that's when I lost my cool

and made the biggest mistake

of my life.

Cindy, no!

Ooh, a nickel!

No!

Get out of the way!

George!

No!

If I hadn't have thrown that punch,

none of it would've happened.

- I blame myself for it all.

- As well you should.

But, Cindy, the past is the past.

Maybe you ought to think

about your future.

If I'm ever going to love again...

it has to be with somebody

who'll be there for me.

Well, I don't have a great track record

in that department. Just ask my son.

I have.

What's an "cock monger"?

Uh... that's not really important.

What matters is

I've let a lot of people down.

Oh.

- I should go.

- Wait!

Maybe I'm just not meant

to be happy...

but something about you

makes me want to try.

- What's happening?

- I don't know!

Why is the sky so dark?

Why is the wind moving

towards the storm?

Why don't any of us have driers?

I've never seen clouds

like that before!

- You okay?

- Yeah.

- Can you believe that thunder?

- No.

That storm is so fierce.

I've never seen anything like it.

- I haven't either.

- Imagine being out there.

That last one sounded really close.

Don't worry- lightning never

strikes in the same place twice.

- Where's Rachel?

- I thought she was with you.

Oh, there you are.

Okay. That's it. We're fine.

That last bolt of lightning

smelled like a-

Giant turd.

Yes, the... lightning.

I'll go look for Robbie.

Turn it again,

see if it'll start.

I don't know what's going on.

The car's not working, it's just not working.

Start!

Go!

My bowels have stopped moving!

Why?

- How's it going, Marvin?

- I just had this car working; now it's dead.

- Try changing the solenoid.

- Good idea.

Death to America!

Aw, sh*t!

Run!

Beautiful outfit!

Thanks.

- Where's your ride, G?

- Move it, dawg!

Hello?

"Haro"?

Hibachi. Benihana. Teriyaki.

Nagasaki. Okinawa.

Hokkaido. Yokohama.

Karate. Judo. Sumo. Samurai.

Nissan. Honda. Mitsubishi. Subaru.

Hara-kiri. Tsunami.

Kamikaze. Banzai.

Yamaha. Nikon. Casio. Aiwa.

Minolta. Hitachi. Seiko. Toshiba.

Buddha! Shitake kimono!

Tempura. Sushi. Sashimi!

Fujitsu!

I can't read that.

That's better.

Let's go, honey!

Let's go! Let's go!

Robbie, Dad's home!

What is it?

What's going on?

Death.

- Dad, talk to me. What's happening?

- There's no time to explain.

Alien attack!

Well, actually,

that about sums it up.

Fill this up with food.

We're leaving this house in 60 seconds.

My ass!

Penis.

We gotta go.

- Cindy!

- Tom!

- Run for it!

- Where are you going?

Someone's out there, somebody

who knows a way to stop all of this.

- Oh, you wouldn't understand.

- I understand.

- Come with me.

- Oh, I'd like to, but my kids.

I... guess this is good-bye.

When this is all over, promise me that

you'll find me, that you'll never forget me...

that you won't give up

until I'm back in your arms.

- Alive?

- Yes.

I promise.

Good-bye, Cindy.

Hey, wait!

A solenoid... for luck.

Marvin!

You put a solenoid in?

Yeah, I got one

from that crackhead over there.

- Get in.

- Why should we?

Because you're my responsibility now,

and like it or not, I'm all you've got.

Ow!

- Hey. Hey!

- Thank God.

Hey! What are you doing?

- Get in the car, Marvin.

- Come on, Tom, stop joking around.

Get in the car, Marvin,

or you're gonna die.

Okay, fine.

- No, wait for me to-

- Still locked.

- Why are you reaching at the same time?

- What do you mean?

- All right, on three.

- You counting now?

One, two, three, open the door!

- Okay, on three.

- One, two-

Three.

- Don't do that. You're trying to annoy me.

- It's still locked.

I'm going on three. One, two-

Don't count when I count.

I have a problem with that.

- What's the matter with you?

- Turn your mouth sideways.

- If you look at me I lose count.

- What are you crazy?

- One, two, three!

- Two, three!

- Don't do it the same time.

- You said "three."

- You go on "four." Can you count?

- Four.

- So on your "three" or my "four"?

- There's only one "three."

- I'm tryin' to get in the car.

- Then you do it on "four."

You said, "three." So are you doin' it

on "three" or am I doin' it on "two"?

- For Christ's sake!

- I heard "three."

If the count is "three,"

you do it on "four."

- Now it's "four."

- Why would you go on "four"?

You gave me "four" first

and you stole my "four."

- But I have to count to "three" first.

- You stole my "four."

- Just let me say "three."

- I've got wait on you now, huh?

- You want the black man to wait again?

- Do whatever you want.

- That's what I've been doin'.

- Why would you do that?

Why would you reach for it when

I say "three"? That's what this is about.

Do I still go on "four"?

When I say "three,"

don't worry about "four."

You got all the time in the world!

You can go home, watch television

and come back and then open the door!

- Fine.

- One-

No. No "one." I'm out.

No thank you.

I'll take the next one.

Does that work for you?

- Jesus.

- Attitude.

Seriously, I'd rather be dead.

GIRL:

"A girl had a pet duck.

"She fed and took care

of her pet duck.

"But one day, the duck got loose

and ran away from the girl.

"The duck ran down the road

and kept running...

until he found a pond."

Mr. President,

we've just received word...

the planet is under attack by aliens.

Oh. Okay.

"The duck went back"-

Sir? They've already wiped out

some of our cities.

If nothing is done,

they'll kill us all.

I see. Well, I'll handle that

in a minute.

But right now, I need to find out

what's happening with the duck.

Sir, with each passing moment,

more people will die.

The people are gonna die

regardless...

but this duck still has

a fighting chance.

I've read the story before, Mr. President.

The duck dies.

My God!

That's horrible.

Mr. President, the aliens?

We're under attack.

You mean, right now all of these

children's parents could be dead?

Kids! Kids, please!

It's not as bad as it seems.

They didn't die alone. I'm sure they

died with all the other people you loved.

Even Santa Claus?

No, of course not.

There's no such thing as Santa Claus.

Just like the Tooth Fairy,

completely made up.

Easter Bunny-

Never existed.

The female orgasm.

Wait and see what happens

when you try to find it.

What's wrong? Your parents

all getting divorces?

I can give them a little advice,

if you'd like.

Oh, I forgot.

They're all dead.

All right now, let's go on to

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes