Scary Movie 4 Page #4

another story, "Rumpelforeskin."

"Stiltzkin," sir.

We have to get you to the White House.

I just don't get kids.

- Remind me to sign that abortion bill.

- Yes, sir.

You may leave

through the forward exit doors...

or the gaping hole

in the side of the plane.

We realize you have

a choice in airlines...

and we appreciate

you flying with Southern Coast Air.

- Thank you.

- Hello?

Hey! That's mine! I found it!

- Cindy?

- Brenda?

Oh, my God.

It's been so long.

Yeah, too long.

I thought you were dead.

Oh, I thought

you were dead, too.

What are you doing here?

Were you on this plane?

No, I'm trying to get a good story.

I'm a reporter now.

I work for the local news.

Wow, you're really doing

well for yourself.

I was on assignment.

Take a look at this.

Here's Detroit.

And here's Detroit after the attack.

Oh, my God.

The attack was devastating.

It's over, Cindy.

Humanity has lost the war.

No, no. There's still hope.

I have reason to believe that there's

someone here that has the answers...

maybe even a way for us to fight back.

Come on.

It would make a great story.

Maybe. But how are

we supposed to get there?

None of these cars work.

Wait. See if this works.

Hey! I got the last working car

in New York!

This is our road, b*tches! Ha-ha!

You're right, Cindy.

That worked pretty well.

I-

Look at all the injured.

It's so sad.

Big-ass rat, man!

Oh! That sewer took forever to fix!

Man, I'm gonna need

a hot bath after all of that-

What the hell happened here?

- Zombies!

- Damn!

Let's go!

Don't let 'em bite you!

Good news!

They can still feel electricity.

Grandma?

The zombies have got my grandma!

Die, Grandma! Die! Die!

- I loved you! I loved you!

- Mahalik?

Look what they did

to my grandmama!

Whoa!

That woman raised me from birth.

Hey, he's got a car. He's got a car.

Give us the car and the keys!

This isn't my car.

I would, but I can't. It's not my car.

It's not my car. Don't worry, kids.

The doors are locked.

There's no possible way they can-

Pull the robot out of chocolate.

But that's just common sense. Oh, waiter!

- Daddy!

- Kids!

Whoa!

Why?

Well.

Get back! Get back!

Gimme the gun.

I'm taking the car.

What do I do about him?

I don't want the car.

I just need a gun.

No way I'm giving up the gun.

I want the car.

So, you need a gun,

and you want a car.

- What do you want?

- Well, I've never owned a knife.

Okay. Let's all switch on three.

One, two, three.

Is this right?

I don't think so.

Dad, they're taking the car.

Yes, well, uh, let's keep going.

What?

That's it? You're giving up?

Yeah, that's right. I'm giving up.

You want a hero?

Go find someone else.

Why?

Let's go.

Now, let me get this straight:

The girl hugged the duck,

and then it dies?

Mr. President,

the nation is under attack.

Get me Homer Landsquiddy.

You mean, "Homeland Security."

Sir, this woman was an eyewitness

to one of the attacks.

- What can you tell us?

- They're indestructible.

The clothing was burned off

everyone's bodies.

There were naked people

everywhere.

- Were you naked?

- No.

Thank God.

Some good news at last.

Get her a souvenir.

Lil' Kim-

Lil' Kim got my sandwich.

Look out-

Russell Crowe's got a phone!

R. Kelly, don't pee on me!

My lovely lady lumps!

Where are we?

I'm not sure,

but I think we're close.

It's supposed to be near mile 62.

Is something wrong?

No, it's just...

I met this guy,

and I wonder if he's safe.

Oh, you'd love him, Brenda.

What's his name?

I might've already loved him.

Tom Ryan.

Yeah, did him.

Big, fat Chinese guy?

No... No.

But he is the kind of guy that I'd like

to share the rest of my life with.

Cindy! Look!

What is this place?

I don't know, but the boy's father's

somewhere in there.

We'll have to sneak our way in.

But we're not gonna

blend in dressed like this.

- Brenda, look.

- He's a wonderful boy.

Ezekiel?

Ezekiel, where are you?

Ezekiel,

shall we have a foot race?

No cheating.

That's him!

He's cute.

Friends, friends. Do not fear the noise

of those of whom we do not speak.

There is a gentle truce

between our village

and the creatures

beyond their borders.

Now, who would like to say grace?

Ooh!

Ah, Ezekiel.

Pee-pee.

Pee-pee vagina.

Amen.

Father?

Holly.

For what purpose

do you interrupt

the celebration

of the domestic partnership

of Mordecai and Hoss?

The guards caught

two outsiders near the cabin.

Who are you?

I must speak with you.

I was sent by your son.

Don't be ridiculous.

- I have no son.

- That's not true!

I know who you are.

I've seen the pictures.

- I was young. I needed the work.

- No.

At Mrs. Norris's house.

I didn't know whose house it was.

They drugged me.

Never mind that.

You're outsiders.

The council will decide your fates.

The question of the outsiders

is now at hand.

But first, Martha,

have you some tidings?

Nathaniel Winston

and Alice Smith

have informed me

of their intentions.

He intends to have sex with her

as soon as possible.

She intends to put up a mild fight

and then give in.

Amos, something does trouble you?

We now have a majority

of those who wish to say "I'm"...

instead of I am."

- I'm for that.

- I am against it.

Silence!

We have more important matters

to discuss.

I fear that the presence

of the outsiders

will attract those of whom

we do not speak.

If you talk about those

of whom we do not speak...

have you not spoken of that

about which we do not talk?

Do not speak of that

of about which

we talk of not speaking...

about.

Elder Hale. We should welcome

the outsiders among us.

Jeremiah, ought not

your tongue be held?

I am sorry, Elder Hale...

but sometimes my tongue wiggles

beyond my ability to control it.

This is a problem with which

I have had much experience.

Maybe I could help him in a room

in which there are no others.

Or you can all watch.

I don't give a sh*t.

Silence.

After this, how about you take

your thing of which we do not speak...

and slide it up in my place

of which I like-

Silence!

The elders will consult.

Ah. Much better.

I'm not in my house, am I?

No.

Outsiders, we have decided

to let you stay with us...

so that you'll be safe from

those from of whom we do not-

Or don't.

Speak.

But now that you are

a part of our village...

understand this:

You may never leave.

No! No!

How did your son die?

- The fate of the world is at stake.

- You know what to do.

Was it you? Did you kill him?

This is some sh*t

up with which we will not put.

- I'm for that.

- I am against it.

This village isn't

what it used to be.

Just hours after

the devastating alien attack...

world leaders have gathered

at the United Nations.

In this, mankind's darkest hour...

the human race has turned, as one...

to the wisdom and leadership

of the President

of the United States.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the President of the United States.

Go get 'em, tiger.

They mean you, sir.

Oh, yes, of course.

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