Scary Movie 5 Page #3

Well, we're che cking out

everyone in town.

Any new developments?

Yeah, my v acation pictures.

Who's that, your grandmother?

With the bong?

Yeah.

Glaucoma?

Spring break.

That's me.

Ooh, no tan lines.

- I feel like a hot dog.

- Footlong?

- At least.

- I'm buying.

I've got a weird feeling,

Dawson.

Wait till you eat

the tuna tacos.

No, I mean Screw being killed.

Oh, that.

There's crazed a killer

on the loose, Dawson.

That dead popular kid

could have been any one of us.

But it wasn't.

So what do you care?

What about next time he attacks?

And you know he will.

Do you have a reserv ation sir?

- Dawson?

- Party of five?

- Wrong network.

- Yes, of course.

Right this way, sir.

I wouldn't worry about

it so much if I were you.

Why?

Be cause you are with me.

Didn't your whole family

get chopped up

and fed to a fish farm?

Allegedly.

And what makes you think

you're so spe cial

he'd want to kill you, anyway?

Well, be cause I got this.

And how do you know it's a he?

Be cause serial killers

and dentists are always men.

I say rufies are bullshit.

I take them before every date

and I never get laid.

Maybe you're not taking enough.

You got one too?

If that's what I think it is,

I got one.

A pres cription for

gyno-lotrimin?

Oh, wrong paper.

What does this mean?

I think I got one too.

What does yours say, Slab?

- Chanu...chanu...ah...kah...

- Give me that.

That's it.

We're all targets.

Oh, God, I knew my beauty

would be a curse.

The bottom line is, everybody

got a note. We're all in danger.

Not everybody.

Fine ! Happy now?

You may already be a victim !

Bad ! Bad Deer!

Bad, bad, bad !

No more salt lick.

Deers don't talk!

What's that?

Slab! Lookout!

No!

I just ate.

Yes, this never happened.

Wow! What did you win?

Duh, Einstein.

It means Dawson's the first

one on the chopping block.

What a relief.

Big deal.

Notes.

It's probably just some

kid playing a joke?

I mean, after all,

it is Halloween.

And Friday the 1 3 th.

On the same day?

Impossible.

Slab's dyslexic.

Besides, a kid couldn't

write that.

At least not a kid

in public s chool.

U nless he was Japanese.

But they're not historically

serial killers.

No, what about Godzilla?

Not te chnically Japanese.

He was born

in international waters.

Ahhhh-so,

what are we gonna do?

"We" nothing, dipshit.

How do I know it's not

one of you guys?

Well, we could all make

handwriting samples.

Slab's out.

Woo-hoo! Not a killer.

Right here. Not a killer.

Wait a se cond,

just be cause he can't read

doesn't mean

he's not the killer.

- Yeah, look at the Clintons.

- What?

No, this is stupid--

and you're stupid.

Why would we want

to kill each other?

Yeah, so what if Slab

lost my term paper

after he copied it

and turned it in as his own

and got an A?

Yeah, and so what

if Barbara told everyone

I got a small s chwantz?

Even though I don't.

Exactly.

So what if Boner's dad

was cheating with my mom

leading to her downward

spiral into alcoholism?

My dad is what?

And you know what's

really strange?

Somehow The Killer always

knows where we are.

You know what we've got to do?

We've got to get out of here.

To some place safe.

Yeah, in the middle

of nowhere.

In the dark woods

and pouring rain...

Without any adult

supervision...

or police prote ction

anywhere in the near vicinity.

And I know just the place.

It's totally deserted

ever since

those dorky kids

were dismembered.

Are you talking

about band camp?

Wait a se cond--

This is stupid.

Let's just all go

to one of your houses.

Hey, that's cool.

My parents are out of town.

They won't bother us.

No, let's go to my house.

My parents are locked

in the basement.

They'll totally

leave us alone.

No, my house.

My parents are divorced

and I spend the weekends

with my dad, but he tries

to make up for lost time

by letting me get

away with murder.

Well, you know what I mean.

Let's go to my house.

My parents are dead !

Alright!

Alright, so we'll stay there

the night, and we'll be safe.

U ntil then, watch your backs.

Would the following

students please report

to the principal's office:

Lou Sur, and Heywood Jablome.

Your reading s cores

are average, Jimmy,

but, you're killing

on a 12th grade level !

Congratulations, you're going

to do just fine at the seminary.

How about that Michael Dunne?

Now there's an ass

that won't quit.

You're telling me.

He's in my third period class.

I'd like to jump his bones.

Hey, did you finish grading

your term papers?

I was too hung over.

Did you read any of yours?

I never read them.

Who does?

Do you know where I could get

an unregistered handgun?

You got 50 bucks?

I can get it by Friday.

I'll see what I can do.

## You'll have a fresh attitude ##

## When you're holding

your knife ##

## With Mentals, fresh can be

your knight ##

## Lady Luck will lift you up, ##

## When you're sporting

fresh breath. ##

## Before you strike ##

## Death goes better

with Mentals freshness ##

## Death goes better

with Mentals freshness ##

## Death goes better ##

## With you and

all you do with your knife ##

Attention students:

Tonight's PTA meeting

will be held at the Hooter's

Restaurant in Glendale.

Please remind your parents.

Also, whoever put real meat

in todays lunch,

please remove it.

Man, this car sucks.

What a pie ce of sh*t.

Hey, guys.

What are you talking about?

Don't you see what I see?

Why, this car's automatic !

Systematic !

It's hydromatic !

Why it's Greased Frightening !

## I used to call you up

on the phone ##

## Just to give you a s care ##

## Yeah, keep on talkin'

Oh, just keep on talkin' ##

## You know you bought

the farm but good ##

## When you're askin'

who's there ##

## I want my mommy.

Oh, I want my mommy ##

## With the four-speed

on the floor ##

## You're just waiting

at the door ##

## ...Greased Frightening. ##

What a fag.

Let's go paint

it on his locker.

Of course it's stupid

if no one else sings.

D*cks.

Mr. Andretti?

No!

No!

No!

Great.

What the s cratch?

Whew!

License and active warrants.

There you go.

May I have your

attention for the results

of yesterday's pregnancy tests.

Susan Savinsky - negative;

Melissa Blake - positive.

Jonathan Weiner - negative.

Did you know

that most serial killers

have an extra chromosome?

Really?

Yeah, trust me.

I'm from Wis consin.

That's a really nice gun.

Thanks, my mom bought it for me.

I'm saving up for my bullets.

- N ine millimeter?

- When it's cold.

You know a lot about this stuff.

Well, I have to.

My demos show

that I'm most popular

with felons and bed wetters.

Perfe ct.

Then I'm your man.

You do like to watch?

Who doesn't?

"Sieg Heil ! Sieg Heil ! "

Attention students:

Flight 9 1 6 for Tus cany

will be boarding at Gate 1 4 A.

The white zone is for loading

and unloading

of passengers only.

No parking.

Also, today's happy hour will

be held in the biology lab.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes