School Dance Page #3

look like Officer Joshua?

B*tch, you've been

f***ing the guard?

Ew! Nuh-uh!

Hey, Darren, stop talking to my

mom like that, man. Be respectful.

You're absolutely right.

I apologize for that.

- It's just that this b*tch...

- Damn it. There you go again.

Your mother was misbehaving.

Sorry, I should've set a

better example in front of

the nice white gentleman

and your mother.

All right, so, could I please speak

to my black son privately, please?

Would that be okay with you, Trina?

Mmm-hmm.

I mean you no disrespect, sir.

Hope to work for you

one day when I get out.

Come on, baby.

Raggedy head...

You have to excuse me, son.

This is my first white baby.

What's up, man?

I'm in a jam.

What?

Uh...

There was a gambling incident and I need,

like,

13,000 cigarettes,

preferably 6,000

of those non-menthol

and then like 5,000

pineapple fruit cups.

That's worth about $2,000

on the open street market.

If you can handle that for me,

I'd appreciate it.

Darren, what are

you talking about?

Well, see, what

had happened was...

Wait, you're gonna do a

flashback within a flashback?

Nigga, you know

you can't do that.

Nigga, I'm a criminal.

That's what I do,

what I'm not supposed to do.

So, now.

What had happened was...

No Mexican has ever beat me in Dominoes.

Ever.

But one day the cash

was on the line,

I had been sipping that lean

and he caught me slipping.

What's this got to do with me?

This is your problem.

Uh, I didn't have the money,

and in lieu of the money,

I told Junior and his crew

that I had a rich son

in a famous rap group,

and I'm sure a little funky $2,000

don't mean nothing when he's

clocking all the dollars out there,

Mr. Major Buckety Bucks.

What? Man, we ain't signed yet.

I ain't got no money.

All right, well,

let's not be a Gloomy Gus.

Okay, if you didn't learn nothing

from your white brother, learn

always look on

the bright side of life.

But you still haven't

given him any money?

No, I gave him

an orange this morning.

But they're already trying to

make me make small booty payments

and I only got a small

booty to work with.

Look here, man,

um, I only got one booty hole.

You understand what I'm saying?

They don't take debit or credit or

nothing in here, it's just hole. Okay?

I've been holding

onto it for 16 years.

I don't see no reason

to let it go now

over a few little pineapple

fruit cups and some cigarettes.

Speaking of which,

I need you to do me a favor.

You think you can

listen to these for me?

That's disgusting, man.

Where'd you pull that out from?

Oh, from my Louis

Vuitton prison bag.

Nigga, what do you think?

I pulled them out of my ass.

You ain't got to smell it.

Just listen to it.

I know.

I know. It's time.

Look, I only got a few seconds

before they snatch me up out of here

'cause I'm a gangster!

But look, I need you

to save my sphincter.

You gonna embarrass me in front

of that white man's child,

you better lock me down!

Some father I got, huh?

Now I gotta pay Junior by midnight.

Anyway,

you get them drawers yet?

I'm just messing with you.

Come on, bro, we got PE.

Wait, you noticed I

was in your PE class?

Yeah, man.

I've seen you there before,

looking all un-athletic and sh*t.

Let's keep this Junior

thing between me and you.

It's 11:
00.

Get your wretched ass into class!

Man!

I'm in a tight situation.

Go ahead.

Keep laughing at my pain.

But the struggle is real!

Big Junior just magically got

released from a triple life sentence.

And he's on a mission

to kill my cousin Day Day.

And probably me too,

once he finds out

I'm trying to get

his sister's panties.

Are those panties

really worth dying for?

She probably got some

really nice panties.

I guess I gotta do

what I gotta do.

It's like my man

Shakespeare said,

"Love is a smoke,

made from the fumes of sighs,

"being purged,

a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes."

Get your asses up

for some aerobics.

Stand your asses up!

Don't make Coach mad today.

Don't make me mad! Come on now.

Let's get into this Hater Dance, shall we?

5, 6, 7 and 8.

And to the left.

Whoo! Yeah!

Come on, guys.

Man, what the hell

you doing, piddly dick?

Move like you

got some damn rhythm. Come on.

Now step, yeah, side to side,

yeah, side to side,

yeah, side to side.

Oh, yeah! Keep going.

Mmm!

Do the dance.

Not so hard, Venkatesh!

Not so hard. Okay?

Hey. I'm so sick

of this damn song!

Yeah, but I do like the way B3's

booty shakes to that dance. Mmm!

What's a B3?

Man, you gotta keep up with the

acronyms if you're gonna be a Ranger.

B3 is Big Booty Becky.

Oh.

Come on, J-Extra.

Let's roll over there right now.

I like that, J-Extra.

That's your new name.

Yeah. That's right.

Dougie's with it, boy.

That's the Fredrick Douglass

right there, you old nigga.

Can we help you, little boy?

No love.

Little homie with us.

Oh, I'm sorry, Langston.

I didn't know.

Hey. Didn't we go to

pre-school together?

Uh, me? No.

See, I'm from Nigeria.

Oh!

Oh...

Yeah. That's it.

You peed on me in elementary school.

- What?

- What?

What are y'all doing,

not participating in my calisthenics, huh?

Coach, we're tired of doing that

fake-ass electric slide, man.

The Hater Dance is loved by everybody.

We don't like it.

Oh, well, I'm sorry

to hear that.

Baby Chris Rock face.

Why you hate The Hater Dance, huh?

You gotta like it!

Okay?

We're about what's

popping next, not now!

Yeah, we about to give you a little

taste of what we gonna do tonight.

Check it out!

Who painted your back?

Little Negro division?

Watch this, little niggas.

Yo, we killed that.

We definitely gonna win tonight.

Bro, you already know what's up.

I know you saw how

Jasmine was on me.

That's gonna be

my butt down tonight.

Nigga, yeah, right!

You know her daddy's a pastor.

What? Are you doubting

the powers of a Ranger?

My fault.

I repent.

Yo, yo. Check that out.

That's confidence right there.

Day Day still ain't gonna smash,

but at least he's confident.

I don't know, bro.

This whole Sweet Gyrl thing's

a little bit out of my league.

I couldn't even get my name out.

I blew it.

Don't trip,

you'll get another chance.

No, you won't, little nigga.

Mrs. Johnson, report to the office.

Mrs. Johnson,

report to the office.

Hi, Mrs. Johnson.

Hi, boys!

Damn!

Stop looking at my b*tch!

Well, students, it's 12:30.

Lunch time, reduced lunch,

bring your lunch.

Hell, no lunch.

Hey, man,

look at these little niggas!

Need to move.

Move, man! Word!

Man, that's why

The Rangers is gay.

Nigga, what the f*** you say?

You heard what he said, fool.

Y'all are gay!

Man, that's the best

you could come up with?

Yeah!

Yeah?

Cue these niggas off, yo!

Our little nigga's funny.

This Ranger game, man

Look at these suckers

We run this school

Y'all niggas don't want it

Hot, like your mamma

coochie in the summer

The sh*t don't stop Dillinger

Dude, you assed-out

Plumber!

Now I don't understand

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