School for Scoundrels Page #5

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Well, you have driven it.

There's no getting away from it.

and what an experience it is.

Well, I must be getting along.

Wait a minute, Mr. Palfrey,

don't be in a rush.

I've been thinking about

that car.

It is a shade big for town work.

Oh, I don't know.

Yes, that's right, sir

that'll be more for a racing

driver, like Mr. Digger.

I was saying to Dunstan,

wasn't I, Dunstan?

You were, Dudley?

I was saying I'm worried about

Mr. Palfrey having that car.

I'm worried about him

parking it in town.

I'm worried about him being

stopped for speeding.

I mean, have you tried

driving her under 40,

that's all I am asking,

have you tried?

Yes, you want something smaller.

Well, I mean, something

like this for instance.

More your type of thing

altogether.

We can do a straight swap,

nothing in the books.

You're not seriously suggesting

I should trade a Swiftmobile

for one of those.

New one, mind you. Ex-works.

No, no, Dunstan,

complete with engine.

Oh, come, gentlemen.

Why, I could sell it

to Brassy myself.

Ah, a new car and 10 pounds.

Guineas.

A new car and a 100 guineas

would be nearer the mark.

It's a deal.

Do you want it in cash?

Now, don't rush me.

I shall probably finish up

by doing something I regret.

Maybe she is a bit large

for town.

Cash, did you say?

Cash.

It's a deal.

Done!

Dunstan, open the door

for the gentleman.

Thank you.

There we are.

And believe me, sir,

you've made a very shrewd move.

Excellent!

The ignition key.

Thank you.

Log book's in the pocket.

Thank you, gentlemen.

Give my regards to Brassy

when you see him,

and don't forget!

One of petrol, two of meths.

It's all theirs now, sir.

Make them an offer.

I'm sorry, sir,

this car is not for sale.

Oh, lucky I'm not interested.

Make yourself comfortable.

Mr. Gloatbridge, could you come

in here for a moment, please.

Unusually early this morning,

Mr. Henry.

You know very well the mail

isn't sorted until...

I'm not interested in the mail.

Would you kindly come in here

and bring the cash ledger

with you?

Yes, Mr. Henry.

You just talk a lot of

high finance and figures.

Come!

Some figures, you know.

Thank you.

...of capitalisation...

just one moment.

12 and a half?

12 and a half is very

reasonable, I should say.

About 2.7, very well done.

Right. Ha ha.

Ah!

Er, cigarette, Mr. Gloatbridge?

I haven't smoked for

10 and a half years.

No?

I've practically

given it up myself,

but I still find it helps me

at, erm... difficult moments.

You sure you won't change

your mind?

No, thank you, Mr. Henry.

Gloatbridge.

What would you think

about a merger with ACI?

A merger, sir? With the

biggest firm in the city?

Mr. Henry, you can't be serious.

Probably nothing will come

of it. I haven't decided yet.

But I've been having some

discussions on a very high level

These few weeks I've been away

Sir John Carruthers, the

chairman of ACI seems very keen.

I can only say, Mr. Henry,

that I don't think your uncle

would've been very keen.

My uncle, Gloatbridge, being

dead, is hardly in a position

to express an opinion, nor is he

in full possession of the facts.

May I see that ledger?

Really, Mr. Henry, I always

understood that no major policy

decisions would be taken

without consulting me.

I've been with this firm

for 32 years now,

and that's a very long time.

32 years.

Have you really?

That is indeed as you say

a very long time, Gloatbridge,

perhaps almost...

Oh, well, may I see the ledger?

Thank you. Just get me last

year's as well, would you?

Yes, Mr. Henry.

Not bad, not bad at all.

I liked the merger idea,

and I also enjoyed the

suggestion that I was

Sir John Carruthers.

Though the Chairman's name

happens to be Abe Spoonforth.

I see you can't use kid gloves

with a man like Gloatbridge.

I suppose, you know,

there's an obvious move now.

I know.

A slight addition...

here?

Well, of course.

Thanks to your interpolated

accountancy class.

Ah. Erm, Gloatbridge,

I may be wrong, but...

just check that total for me,

would you, please?

Yes, of course.

Don't hurry.

Take your time.

That's very odd, I...

I seem to make it...

283?

I- I-I can't understand it.

But the total entered here is...

In your handwriting,

I believe.

Correct me if I'm wrong.

But there must be some mistake.

I've never made an error

like this in all the years that

I have been with...

Never mind, Gloatbridge, we're

all of us human after all.

I'm not going to suggest that

should check the figures daily.

I still have confidence in you.

I want you to understand that.

But I think perhaps that I

should keep a firmer grip on the

financial side of the business

in future. Would you agree?

Oh, yes, of course, Mr. Henry.

But I feel I ought to apologise

I don't quite know what to say.

Don't worry, Gloatbridge.

Cigarette?

Oh, thank you, sir.

Now, about this

projected merger,

erm, don't mention it

to the rest of the staff.

If it happens, it might

mean, erm... changes.

I quite understand, Mr. Henry.

Ah, yes. Now, I must phone ACI.

Give me a line,

would you, please?

Thank you.

Hello, ACI? Boardroom, please.

Hmm?

Oh, it's you,

Delauney.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Henry Palfrey here.

Oh, that stupid girl

on the switchboard

told me it was the ACI call.

No, no, just a moment.

There was something I wanted

to talk to you about.

Ah, yes, are you free for

a return match on Saturday?

Gloatbridge. Right,

thank you, thank you.

Hmm?

Yes, I suppose I am a

glutton for punishment.

Yes, yes, do.

That's very kind of you.

I've never ridden

in a Bellini.

No, don't worry.

I'll be ready.

Quarter to 3.

Goodbye.

What's up with the boss this

morning, Mr. Gloatbridge?

Mr. Henry and I

have been discussing

important policy matters

at a very high level.

I am not at liberty

to say any more.

Oh, Gloatbridge!

Mr. Henry.

We'll go into that little matter

in greater detail tomorrow.

Yes, of course, Mr. Henry,

certainly. Anything you wish...

good morning, sir.

Miss. Stevens,

fetch me all the ledgers

for the past five years.

Miss. Wilson, bring me up

the adding machine and...

Appleby,

get me a cup of tea.

Hello! What're you

doing here?

What am I doing here?

We said quarter to 3,

didn't we?

Quarter to...

oh, my dear fellow.

I'm so sorry.

I forgot all about it.

I'll be down in a flash.

Don't be long, we're picking

April up on the way.

April? April who?

Miss April Smith!

All right,

down in a minute.

Coming!

On guard!

So sorry, old man.

At last. Come on.

I say, what a

beautiful day.

For pete's sake, hurry up.

We're late for April already.

Oh, don't worry, she won't be

ready. You know women. Ha ha!

Ooh!

I've forgotten something.

What?

Er, my shoes. I won't be a

moment, won't be a moment!

Here we are.

All present and correct.

Get in.

Oh, just a moment.

What is it now?

My racquet.

Er, hang on. Um.

Did I leave it at the club or

is it upstairs under the bed?

Under the bed?!

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