School for Scoundrels Page #5

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He is.

What a sweet guy, too.

I know, right?

So let me ask you:

who's the guy

this semester?

What do you mean?

You know, who's the guy

who's doing really well?

Who's the standout?

Well, not to

brag, but...

it's probably me;

you know, I...

had a lot of luck

in the classes,

and, uh, done pretty well

in the field.

Are you kidding?

No. Why?

What's wrong?

Look, man, Dr. P is cool, but...

he's also extremely competitive.

I mean, he doesn't like

showboats.

Relax.

He's totally taken me

under his wing.

Oh, dude, you don't...

All right, there was

this guy in my class;

his name was Lonnie Ratcliff.

All right?

He was, he was a quick learner,

he was made for this stuff.

But he got too good, too fast.

Dr. P saw this

and just destroyed him.

I mean, crushed his whole world.

Poor guy ended up having to move

to Peekskill or some sh*t.

Why would he do that?

I don't know.

Love of the game.

Keeps him sharp.

Just be careful, all right?

Tone it down a bit.

Try to stay in the background.

I mean, that's what I do.

And look at me, dude.

I'm awesome.

God, it's so good to talk

to someone about books.

I feel like all my friends

want to do is talk about bad TV.

I know exactly what you mean.

Well, this has been

great, Dennis.

Oh, do I call you

"Doctor"?

Oh, no, please.

I- I hear "Doctor" all

day long in surgery,

so "Dennis" is fine.

What?

I don't know.

It's just, the way you

squint when you're nervous,

it just reminds me

of Sarah, that's all.

Who's Sarah?

Well, Sarah's my wife.

Um, she passed away

three years ago.

God, I'm...

I'm so sorry.

That's awful.

Oh, no, sorry is something

she never wanted to feel.

And she would hate

it if she thought

I was feeling

sorry for myself.

It's just so hard.

How do you deal with it?

What do you do?

Throw myself into my work.

Every time I start

feeling lonely or...

bad for myself,

you know,

I- I look into the eyes

of those little sick children...

...and it...

everything else goes away.

It's, um...

pretty sobering.

What?

Uh, hey, Becky.

Is Amanda here?

I brought her something.

What is it?

I got her some tickets

to a play.

What play?

"Movin' Out,"

the Billy Joel musical.

"Moving Out" is not a play.

Fine.

What would you call it?

I don't know.

A gay?

Whatever.

Look, when is she

coming back?

It's hard to say.

She's out with

this guy she just met.

Well, do you know

where they are?

Why would I tell you

where they are?

So you can go find her

and murder her

and shoot him

and then eat them

and stab yourself, Dahmer?

I just want to talk to her.

Fine. Give me the flowers.

Nicely!

Hi, Becky.

I got you some flowers.

Oh!

And the tickets.

Uh, hey, Dr. P, it's Roger.

Sorry to be

calling you off hours,

but I kind of have a situation.

I think Amanda's

seeing someone else,

and I'm just looking

for some last minute advice.

I mean, should I jump in

and confront the guy,

showing off my animal side,

or, I don't know, maybe should

I manipulate the situ...

d d

What the hell's

going on?

What are you doing in here?

I saw you with Amanda,

and I want to know

what's going on.

It's called competition.

It'll do wonders for you.

I have plenty of

competition in my life, okay?

It's hard enough.

Every once in a while,

a shepherd has to pluck

a sheep from the herd

and challenge him.

It let's the man know

he's worthy of leading.

Well, you know what?

I don't want to be

a shepherd anymore.

You're not the shepherd,

dumb ass.

I'm the shepherd.

It's called

an analogy, moron.

Look, you don't

understand.

Everything was going

so well between us.

Oh, clearly.

I'm sure you're

just days away

from adopting

a Chinese kid together.

It's not that difficult.

Use what you've learned

and defeat me.

If you can't do that, you know,

you don't deserve her anyway.

I paid you

for this class.

And you're getting

your money's worth.

Game on, Roger.

As far as Amanda knows,

my name is Dennis

and I'm a successful surgeon.

You are a successful

meter maid.

So may the best man win.

This is really an amazing club.

Thanks for bringing us here.

Well, just take it

easy on me.

These aren't the knees of

a spring chicken, you know?

Please, that sounds

like a setup, mister.

Well, at least leave

the hands alone,

because I'm in surgery

all day tomorrow, okay?

Deal.

What are those?

Oh, those are, uh,

frozen lemon towelettes.

They tend to overdo it here.

Just a little.

Could you pass me one of

those lemon towelettes?

Roger, hey.

What are you doing here?

Well, you know,

I thought I'd drop by,

hit a few balls.

Is this your dad?

What? No.

No, this is Dennis.

Dennis, um,

is a friend of mine.

This is Roger.

He lives in my building.

Hey, Roger.

- Nice to meet you.

- Hello, sir.

Dahmer plays tennis?

I got to see Dahmer

play tennis.

Oh, you know, I've been

known to mess around a bit.

I have an idea- why

don't we play doubles?

- Yeah.

- Absolutely.

- Play girls against guys.

- Are you sure?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Come on, it's be fun.

Now, I don't want

to be an intrusion.

No, no. Come

on, join us.

Oh... okay, great

Nice one.

I loved the dad comment.

There's more where

that came from... Dennis.

All right, let's go,

Billie Jean.

Let's see what

you've got.

First fault.

Sorry.

That sucked.

All right, hey.

It sucks.

Be careful, Dennis.

Ooh, sorry.

Double fault.

You all right,

Dennis?

Oh, yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.

DENNIS:

Love-15.

Watch your ass, Roger.

Ooh, nervous.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Dennis.

Oh, man. I am so sorry.

I thought

I had it.

You want to take

a break?

That's cool. It happens.

Roger, can I talk

to you for a second?

Yeah.

Everything all right?

Yeah, of course.

That was a mistake.

Sorry about that.

You know, Dennis

and I are just friends.

Yeah, I understand.

That's cool.

Okay. So this isn't

a jealousy thing?

Amanda, I'm fine.

You can be friends

with whoever you want.

Okay, just checking.

But he is kind of old.

He's a widower; be nice.

Sure you're okay, Dennis?

Oh, yeah,

I'm fine; fine.

You know, actually, I think

I'm gonna stand back here.

Sorry about that.

Brand-new racket.

Still getting used to it.

It's all right.

No problem, Roger.

- Ow!

- Roger!

Do you have

a problem with me?

- Yeah, a big problem.

- Hey...

Hey! Hey! Hey! You guys!

Stop it! Break it up!

Roger, get off him.

Get off him!

Listen.

I know what's going on, and

I think it's awful, okay?

I am sorry, Dennis.

You don't deserve

to be treated this way.

It's okay, sweetie,

it's not your fault.

You owe him an apology.

Ow!

Dennis! Oh, my...!

Becky, get some help.

Totally unnecessary.

Deep breath.

Did you really

tackle him?

He challenged me.

He threw down

his racket.

Is he okay?

What?!

Dr. P-

did you hurt him?

No, he's fine.

It makes no sense.

I mean, Dr. P could have

any woman in the world,

why would he go after

your girl?

Because he's sick.

He thinks this whole thing

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