Schtonk! Page #3

(if I had to believe nobody loved me)

(that there was no more happiness for me)

(that would be hard)

(if I didn't know in my heart that you once told me)

('I love you')

(Life would be without meaning for me)

(but I know more)

(I know a miracle will happen one day)

(and a thousand fairy tales will come true)

(I know a love cannot end this quickly)

(a love this big and wonderful)

(We're under the same star, your fate is mine)

(You're far yet so close as our souls are one)

(and that's why .....)

I won't do it.

Yes you will. Cut off 60 cm of the string

and bring it down here. Now!

A, A, where's that f***ing A?

F. H.

F.H. , F.H., ... Fuehrer Hitler.

F*** it.

Our Fuehrer, Adolf Hitler's secret diary from 1945.

The Fuehrer kept a diary?

You didn't know?

Classified. Property of the Fuehrer.

Keep shut at all times.

Open it, comrade Lentz.

I accept the responsibility.

Yes, Mr. Ober-Gruppenfhrer.

Open April 20th. Read.

Yes, Mr. Ober-Gruppenfhrer.

Here we go, April 20th, 1945.

Kotzestunk.

What?

Thank god, I finally woke up

from this horrible dream.

A true nightmare of euca...

apocalyptic dimensions.

Dreamt that the plane was shot down.

The one that will bring my private archive

to my fortress in the Alps, tomorrow.

Gundelfinger, my loyal pilot, dead.

Exactly like that.

Shattered in a field in the middle of nowhere.

In my dream I heard the name of

a place I had never heard before.

Birnenschorf?

Brnersdorf!

Brnersdorf.

That is.... that is....

Inconceivable.

Read on, comrade.

All my paintings, my most

private hand-written notes.

Even you my dear diary

fell victim to the flames.

I did not cry during the Rhm-Putsch.

I did not cry on July 20th.

I didn't even shed a single tear during Stalingrad.

But tonight, I cried bitterly.

The Fuehrer cried.

Yes.

Didn't you know?

No.

That was...

.. a big hit.

Yes, that's sensational.

Truly a hit.

Allow me to introduce myself.

Prof. Dr. Fritz Knobel.

Historian and antiques dealer.

Heil!

Heil!

Heil!

You could really get me Hitler's diary?

Anything you want. Everything

that's in those 10 metal boxes.

That's what I could get you.

Oh really, oh that would be....

You see, if somebody keeps a diary...

...he doesn't only write one...

Of course not.

...but several.

Of course.

Under certain circumstances I might have access.

Oh, really?

Via Leningrad, ...

.., Lehmberg, Leipzig, Lindau.

Vienna?

There's only the question if you can afford it, Mr. ..?

Hermann Willi with acute accent.

Money is not an issue. I always

say you either have money or you don't.

I fully agree.

With acute accent,

Weiss-Magazin?

You're from the press?

Very interesting.

No it's not.

Why?

My husband wants nothing

to do with the press.

No, no.

Not at all, he has always avoided

the press, even as a child.

He never wanted to be in the papers.

He has always lied, he can't help it.

And what he just told you about boxes

and diaries is all made up.

Get out of here.

But pro..professor,... I...

Hermann, little man, look, ...

Freya!

Professor!

Hermann!

Being in the paper wouldn't exactly hurt my business.

Being in the paper as a forger! You tinkerer!

Professor!

Please wait.

Stop, stop, professor!

Hermann, little man, look,

Hitler did not keep a diary.

Yes, he did.

No, manny, he didn't.

You know what uncle Hermann

always said to us kids?

After writing "Mein Kampf"

the Fuehrer got a cramp

has a shaky hand,

what a blessing for the fatherland.

He couldn't really.

At least not with his hand.

It's a historic fact.

Brnersdorf

How much cash

do you have on you?

Don't know. Why? Maybe 2000 DM.

Say, you surely have a wife

and kids at home, don't you?

Eh, yes.

So 2 grand is a lot of money for you, right?

Uhuh.

Say, you surely have a wife and kids at home.

So 500 DM is a lot of money for you, right?

I refuse to tolerate a personal question like that.

...while my colleagues are around.

Stop over there.

Brnersdorf.

Freya!

Hermann, I'm warning you.

Don't gyp me again like with that fake Chinaman.

That story about Mao

Tse-tung's gay swim instructor

who turned out to be Korean instead of Chinese

and who definitely couldn't swim.

But he was gay!

And if you can't fathom what a big hit this is

Adolf Hitler's secret diaries.

They aren't down there, are they?

No.

But I know where they are and I'll get 'em.

And if you can't fathom what a

big hit this is. Internationally. Bang, bang!

Bang.

Then you're an ignoramus

and and a huge a**hole.

And the plane was all ablaze

and coming over those trees.

And?

We used to have trees here.

Now there aren't any trees.

And I thought 'he'll hit that barn'

But no, right where we are standing now

it went down.

I remember a man wanting out

but nothing could be done.

Everything was bent and hot.

Everything was burnt.

And then, with a single bang.

Total silence.

Terrible.

Great, I mean, gruesome.

A little question on the side:

What was aboard that plane?

Nothing, really, ...no..

Iron .. how do you say it...

Boxes? - Yes, boxes.

Iron boxes.

Did you hear, Hermann?

Holy cow, Hermann.

You know something?

I love you.

Well,

a whole lot of brown sauce.

Well, obviously you don't want it to drip on you.

Neither do I. But we have to remember that

competition is fierce.

Not to mention we could

sell this worldwide.

Just think about what the Americans

made with Einsteins diaries.

Millions.

I'm thinking globally

Hitler's the bigger name.

We've never had an author

like that in our paper.

This sleazy Willi, I mean,...

can't we put someone more professional

on it. It's such a delicate topic.

Does it have to be this sleazy Willi?

Yes, sleazy, that's exactly the right term for him.

But he's a true bloodhound with a good nose.

That guy has some nose, I tell you.

If he really works his way into this Hitler thing..

it'll be a big hit. I'll swear.

I'd like to give this top priority.

That's why I came straight to you, the boss.

Not the editorship.

Only you and me and this ..Willi.

My dear Mr. Willi,..

it's been too long.

We haven't met. I mean I've seen you

but you've never noticed me.

I'm very shortsighted.

What are you bringing me

today, old bloodhound?

This is the cockpit window of the

Ju-352 that crashed over Brnersdorf.

Ah, yes.

Fell from a height of 100 m from old 'Auntie Ju'...

..the parachute didn't open and

this trooper found his tomb.

Pardon?

Jup, we still sang that in the army in '64.

I was an ensign with the paratroopers.

May I ?

Exceptionally...

..aesthetic.

50, 100, 150, 200.

Thousand. - Thousand, yes.

Somebody was here. This is a wet spot

and it smells of semen.

Only I was here, by myself.

Masturbating?

Biggi.

Exactly.

Liar.

You know what I'll do?

I'll go over there and get that slut!

Don't you dare.

Oh I will, and I'll rub her nose in that

spot and then she'll tell me if you f***ed her.

You lying son of a b*tch.

Biggi, don't. Stay.

Please stay here.

I admit to everything.

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