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GONNA DO THIS?

YOU--YOU--YOU WANT TO HAVE

SEX WITH ME?

MM.

[lively salsa music]

- I DON'T WANT TO CALL YOU

TIGHT PANTS GIRL

THE REST OF THE DAY.

WHAT WAS YOUR NAME?

- IT'S BETSY.

- BETSY, THAT'S--

[moaning]

DO YOU HEAR THAT, BETSY?

[moaning]

NO, BUT, HEY,

I'M GONNA CALL YOU, BETSY.

I'LL FIND YOU.

- KNEES WIDE.

- [groaning]

OH.

- EASY ON THE HIPS.

USE YOUR KNEES.

- [moaning]

- YEAH.

[moaning]

NAMASTE!

SO NICE MEETING YOU.

MAYBE I'LL SEE YOU NEXT CLASS.

- SURE.

LOOK.

THAT MAY HAVE BEEN THE MOS SPECTACULARLY AMAZING MOMEN OF MY LIFE,

SO I HAVE TO ASK.

WHY?

WHY DID YOU:

JUST HAVE SEX WITH ME?

- I HAVE NO IDEA,

BUT YOU KNOW THAT MOVE

THAT I SHOWED YOU

WHERE YOU'RE USING YOUR KNEES

MORE THAN YOUR HIPS

SO YOU LAST LONGER?

KEEP WORKING ON THAT.

- NO.

HE'S MY RIDE.

- NAMASTE.

- NAMASTE.

YOU PENETRATED HER AIRSPACE.

OH, MY GOD,

OH, MY GOD, OH, MY GOD.

YEAH.

HOW--HOW?

HOW?

- JUST ONE OF THOSE THINGS.

- NO, ONE OF THOSE THINGS

IS IN A PORNO.

YOU SAY FIVE WORDS TO A GIRL

WHO WON'T GO OUT WITH ANYBODY,

AND YOU'RE PLOWING HER.

YOU--YOU MADE A DEAL

WITH THE DEVIL,

AND I WANT IN ON IT.

- NATHAN, I GOT TO TELL YOU,

I'VE NEVER BEEN THAT GOOD.

THIS WAS THE BEST SEX

OF MY LIFE,

AND IT WAS ALL MY DOING.

- I...

- SERIOUSLY.

I FINISHED,

AND I WAS READY TO GO AGAIN

RIGHT THEN AND THERE--

ALREADY BEEN DOING I 30 MINUTES.

I'VE NEVER LASTED THAT LONG.

THERE'S THIS ONE POSITION

I HAD HER IN.

HER LEGS WERE UP HERE

BY HER HEAD,

AND I LITERALLY LICKED HER FOOT.

- LISTEN.

- IT WAS HERE, AND I LICKED IT.

- OKAY, LISTEN.

LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO ME.

IF YOU WANT TO CONTINUE

TO TALK ABOUT THIS STUFF,

THEN YOU'RE GONNA NEED

TO TWEET IT,

BECAUSE IF YOU TALK TO ME

ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW,

I'M GONNA BE ABLE TO DRIVE

THIS CAR WITHOUT ANY HANDS.

I HAVE A BONER.

- MM, DIDN'T NEED TO--

- IT WAS FLUKE SEX.

ONCE IN A MILLENNIUM,

A GUY FINDS A GIRL

WHO IS THAT SAD AND DESPERATE,

AND TODAY WAS THAT DAY,

AND YOU WERE THAT GUY,

AND SHE WAS THAT GIRL.

AND THAT IS HOW THAT HAPPENED.

- YEAH, THAT'S PROBABLY RIGHT.

HEY, YOU MIGHT WANT TO SANITIZE

THIS YOGA MAT YOU LENT ME.

- AH, COME ON, COME ON.

[upbeat music]

- THERE HE IS,

MY YOGI HAMMER.

- HEY.

- WHAT, LIKE I WAS SUPPOSED

TO KEEP THE MOST MONUMENTAL

SEXUAL EXPERIENCE OF YOUR LIFE

A SECRET?

- YEAH.

- YOU HUNGRY?

I COULD MAKE YOU ONE

OF MY CLASSIC CHOCOL-HOAGIES.

- I'M OKAY.

- MMM, IT'S GOOD.

- WAIT.

YOU'RE STAYING IN TONIGHT?

WHAT'D YOU DO?

SLASH MOM'S TIRES

SO SHE CAN'T DRIVE ANYWHERE?

- DID SHE CALL YOU?

- DAD.

- SHE NEEDED NEW TIRES ANYWAY.

YOU'VE GO A STACK OF MAIL THERE.

IT'S AN INVITATION TO SOMETHING.

- NICE.

- HEY, HOW WAS WORK?

- THE USUAL.

- YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT MAYBE

IT'S TIME FOR A CAREER UPGRADE?

- HOW SO?

- WELL,

MY BOSS:

AT THE COMIC BOOK COMPANY,

HE'S LOOKING FOR NEW IDEAS

HE WANTS ME TO PITCH.

NOW, WE BOTH KNOW

WITH A COMPLETELY USELESS DEGREE

IN CREATIVE WRITING,

BUT YOU DO HAVE GOOD TASTE

IN COMICS.

SO HERE'S THE IDEA:

YOU HATCH A STORY;

I'LL DO THE AR AND DRESS IT UP A LITTLE BIT;

WE'LL GO IN,

GET A LITTLE RAZZLE-DAZZLE ON,

AND BOOM,

SOON KIDS HAVE OUR SHI UP ON THEIR WALL.

- I DON'T KNOW--

SELLING PARTY SUPPLIES,

WRITING COMICS,

SELLING PARTY SUPPLIES,

WRITING COMICS.

YEAH, I'M IN.

- YEAH, I KNOW.

BUT DON'T REHASH

THAT SERGEANT SLITHER IDEA.

THAT STORY:

PUTS THE "SUCKS" IN,

"BOY, THIS SHITTY STORY SUCKS."

- NO, SERGEANT SLITHER

HAS TRUTH SERUM:

THAT SHOOTS FROM HIS FANGS.

IT LETS HIM LEARN

HIS ENEMIES' EVIL POWERS.

[passing gas]

[laughing]

[upbeat music]

HELLO.

- HERE FOR THE PARTY?

- HEY, YEAH,

EMMA INVITED ME.

- BUT YOU DON'T HAVE A DOG.

- RIGHT.

THAT'S NOT WHY I'M HERE.

- RIGHT.

WELL, HAVE A GOOD TIME.

WATCH YOUR STEP.

- THANKS.

- [sniffing]

HE SMELLED LIKE POODLE.

- [mouthing words]

[dog barking]

[indistinct chatter]

- HI, THERE,

I'M MEREDITH.

EMMA TOLD ME YOU MIGH WANT TO TAKE ONE OF MY BABIES

TO A HAPPY HOME.

- HI, I'M WILL.

SORRY.

I GOT MY MOUTH STUFFED

WITH THE HORS D'OEUVRES.

IT'S REALLY GOOD.

- OH, THEY SHOULD BE.

THEY'RE DOG TREATS.

[babbling]

- AT LEAST I'LL HAVE

A SHINY COAT.

- [laughs]

- BATHROOM?

- OH,

IT'S RIGHT DOWN THE HALL.

IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU.

[electricity buzzing

and crackling]

[echoing moan]

[toilet flushing]

- HEY, WILL.

YOU'RE A DOG LOVER TOO, HUH?

[laughing]

[inhales sharply]

[sighs]

YOU SMELL THAT, WILL?

- [sniffs]

- THAT'S RIGHT, SON--

NEW CAR SMELL.

HAD A LITTLE PROCEDURE

DONE ON MY COLON

ABOUT TEN YEARS BACK

IN BEVERLY HILLS.

THEY CAN GIVE YOU ANY SCEN YOU CAN IMAGINE.

YEAH, THINK OF ALL THE MONEY

I SAVE ON AIR FRESHENER, HUH?

[both laughing]

HEY, WILL,

YOU KNOW THAT GIRL, MEREDITH?

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO F*** HER.

SHE'S THE NEXT ONE ON THE TAPE.

REMEMBER,

THIS IS ALL FOR JEN.

YOU NEED THE NAME

OF THAT DOCTOR,

YOU LET ME KNOW, WILL.

[laughing]

- [sniffs]

HI.

- HI, I...

[sighs]

I GOT DISTRACTED,

AND HE ATE SOME GOODIES

OFF MY PLATE,

AND, UM, IT DIDN'T GO WELL

WITH HIS STOMACH,

AND THEN HE--

I'M JUST--I'M GONNA SMELL

LIKE BARF ALL DAY.

[chuckles]

- I--I DON'T SEE ANY PUKE.

- IT'S A GENERAL...

[inhales sharply]

MALAISE.

- RIGHT, WELL,

THE BATHROOM IS YOURS.

FEEL FREE TO...

YOU KNOW, HE'S--

HE'S VERY LUCKY TO HAVE YOU.

- OH, HOW SO?

- YOU'RE REALLY PRETTY.

- AW.

THAT IS SO F***ING CUTE.

YOU TASTE LIKE DOG BISCUITS.

[laughing]

- SORRY.

WAIT, YOU KNOW

WHAT DOG BISCUITS TASTE LIKE?

- [gasping]

AH, I WILL BE RIGHT OUT!

- OH, MEREDITH, IS THAT YOU?

- [gasping] YES!

AH!

- ARE YOU OKAY?

- NEVER BETTER.

[gasping]

YES!

- OKAY.

UH, I'LL JUST SEE YOU

BACK AT THE KENNEL.

- I'M COMING, COMING SOON!

- ARE YOU--

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY?

- [in woman's voice]

UH, I'M--I'M FINE.

I JUST LOVE THIS--

OH, I LOVE THIS LIQUID HAND SOAP

SO MUCH.

YEAH, YOU GOT TO TELL ME

WHERE YOU GOT IT LATER.

[both gasping]

- SO CUTE.

THAT WAS LOVELY.

[laughs]

- LOVELY,

BUT NOT GREAT.

- OH, HONEY,

DID YOU NOT NOTICE

THAT I CROSSED THE FINISH LINE?

AND THAT'S SAYING MORE

THAN MOST MEN.

- RIGHT, NO,

I'M HAPPY ABOUT THAT.

I JUST--I HAVE TO GE REALLY GOOD AT THIS SEX THING

REALLY FAST.

- HUH.

SAYS WHO?

- LONG STORY WITH

AN UNHAPPY ENDING FOR RIGHT NOW.

- HMM.

WELL, WHOEVER SHE IS,

SHE'S ONE LUCKY LITTLE GIRL.

BUT CAN I GIVE YOU SOME ADVICE?

- PLEASE.

- OKAY.

[sighs]

LET THE WOMAN LEAD THE RACE.

SHE'LL LET YOU KNOW

WHEN IT'S TIME TO SPRINT.

SEE, I'VE BEEN DIVORCED

FOR TWO YEARS,

AND I WAS STARTING TO THINK

THERE WAS A LAW:

PROHIBITING 35-YEAR-OLDS

HAVING SEX, RIGHT?

AND--

- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

ANY GUY WOULD BE LUCKY

TO BE WITH YOU.

- YOU ARE SUCH

A LITTLE F***ING NYMPH.

I WANT TO BOX YOU UP,

BUT I AM NOT GIVING YOU

A DISCOUNT ON MY DOGS.

[sighs]

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

[sighs]

YOU SHOULD PROBABLY

GO OUT THERE.

EMMA'S BEEN TALKING ABOUT YOU

ALL DAY.

- WHAT?

- I WON'T TELL IF YOU DON'T.

WHO'S A BABY?

SUCH A LITTLE BABY.

MMM.

WHY DO YOU SMELL

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