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SHE IS A MASTERPIECE

A PERFECT BEAS I HOPE THAT SHE KNOWS

I'M THE ONE

- WHAT'S MY NAME?

- LITTLE TIM,

LIKE THE CHOO-CHOO TRAIN.

YEAH!

- WHOO, WHOO!

YEAH! WHOA!

- AND YOU'RE GONNA TAKE ME

TO PINKBERRY, YOU LITTLE B*TCH!

- OKAY.

YEAH! OOH!

[laughing]

- MMM.

- YEAH.

- MM-HMM.

- I LIKE IT.

AH!

[gasping]

- OH, HELL NO.

- [sniffs]

- CHICKEN.

- [gags]

AH:

AH:

[electricity buzzing

and crackling]

AH:

AH:

AH:

AH:

AH:

[electricity buzzing

and crackling]

- YEAH, THAT'S IT.

FIND MAMA BEAN.

FIND THAT BEAN AND WATER IT!

[moaning]

OH, YEAH, NERD,

THAT'S IT!

OH, YEAH!

YEAH, MAKE THAT TONGUE DANCE!

MAKE IT CRAWL:

ALL UP IN MY LEG.

- [gasps]

- YOU AIN'T DONE.

DON'T YOU EVER STOP TILL A LADY

TELLS YOU YOU'RE DONE.

NOW GET THAT FACE

BACK UP IN THERE!

[growling]

- SO NOW IT'S A TAKEOVER

MY SAFE AND SURE

REPLACED BY A FEAR

THAT SHE'LL RUN

SHE IS A MASTERPIECE

A PERFECT BEAS I HOPE THAT SHE KNOWS

I'M THE ONE

[birds chirping]

[keyboard tapping]

[upbeat music]

- THERE YOU GO.

HEY, COME ON.

HI.

- GOOD AFTERNOON.

CHECKING IN?

- YEAH.

ACTUALLY, WE HAVE AN APPOINTMEN WITH EMMA.

- AH, YES.

MR. HEMBRY, HMM?

YOU WERE AT THE PARTY

A FEW WEEKS AGO.

- YES.

- OH, IS THIS THE PUP

THAT YOU ADOPTED?

- YES. COME HERE.

- DO YOU MIND IF I HOLD HIM?

- NO, SURE, THAT'S GREAT.

- YOU LITTLE--

OH, COME HERE.

OH, MY GOODNESS.

OH, OH, YOU'RE JUS A LITTLE LOVER, AREN'T YOU?

YES, YOU ARE.

YES, YOU ARE.

WHAT'S HIS NAME?

- HE DOESN'T HAVE ONE YET.

GOT A COUPLE IDEAS,

BUT I--

- [snorting]

[sighs]

THAT'S PRIMO SH*T.

- HEY, WILL.

- HEY.

- ARE YOU READY?

- YEAH, LET'S DO IT.

I MEAN, UH,

READY FOR THE APPOINTMENT,

NOT--NOT DOING IT.

NAH, THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN.

WHATEVER YOUR DEFINITION

OF "IT" IS,

MINE'S NOT SEX.

IT'S DEFINITELY NOT SEX.

UH, WE'RE READY TO BE GROOMED.

- YEAH, WELL, LET'S GO.

- [chuckles]

- I'LL SEE YOU LATER,

YOU AND YOUR LITTLE DOG.

- SO HOW ARE YOU?

- GREAT.

YOU?

- UH, GREAT.

- GOOD.

- SORRY.

- FOR WHAT?

- I WANT TO KISS YOU.

- OKAY, SO THEN DO IT.

- NO, I CAN'T DO THAT,

BECAUSE THEN THAT WILL LEAD

TO OTHER THINGS,

AND THIS I CAN'T DO YET.

- MEANING IT'S--

IT'S TOO SOON?

- NOT EXACTLY.

I HAVE ISSUES.

I'M GONNA GO GROOM FLASH NOW.

- FLASH.

- IT FITS.

- HELLO, FLASH.

[both chuckling]

OKAY.

[upbeat music]

HI.

- HI.

I'VE GOT A COUPLE HOURS FREE,

SO DO YOU WANT TO GET SOME FOOD?

- YEAH.

- OKAY.

WE CAN JUST LEAVE FLASH HERE.

- OKAY.

- BUT, YOU KNOW, SOMEPLACE,

LIKE, REALLY PUBLIC,

YOU KNOW,

NO LOW-LIT CORNER BOOTHS OR...

YEAH.

- [sighs]

[humming]

[upbeat instrumental music]

- YOU LET YOUR HAIR SHINE

LIKE A '50s MOVIE STAR

STILL CHEW ON I KIND OF LIKE A LITTLE GIRL

YOU TAKE YOUR TIME

WHEN THE TOP'S DOWN

IN YOUR CAR:

BUT STILL HIT THE GAS

WHEN YOU WANT TO SEE THE WORLD

AND YOU'RE EVERYTHING,

YOU'RE EVERYTHING

A GIRL SHOULD EVER BE

YOU'RE EVERYTHING,

EVERYTHING TO ME

YOU'RE EVERYTHING,

YOU'RE EVERYTHING

IN THE SURFACE:

AND DOWN DEEP:

YOU'RE EVERYTHING,

EVERYTHING TO ME

YOU LIKE TO STAY HOME

WITH DELIVERY CHINESE

AND THEN DRAG ME OU SUDDENLY YOU GOT TO DANCE

YOU'RE HAPPY

WHEN YOU'RE FEELING SAFE

AND SO CAREFREE:

BUT YOU'D DIVE OUT A PLANE

IF YOU EVER GOT A CHANCE

AND YOU'RE EVERYTHING...

- HOLY MOLY,

LOOK WHO IT IS, KIDS.

CALL ME OLD-FASHIONED,

BUT I THINK YOU'RE A LITTLE OLD

TO BE PLAYING WITH TEDDY BEARS,

YOUNG MAN.

- WHOA, MISTER,

THAT'S A NICE TEDDY BEAR.

CAN I HAVE IT?

- NO, GET YOUR HANDS OFF.

- HE'S JUST ASHAMED

'CAUSE HE LIKES A GIRL.

[laughter]

- HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?

- OH, WILL, WE'VE BEEN SPYING

ON YOU FOR DAYS NOW.

IT'S SOMETHING WE LIKE TO DO

TOGETHER AS A FAMILY

TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE FOLLOWING

ALL THE RULES OF THE TAPE.

- AND BOY, HAVE YOU.

THAT PENIS OF YOURS

PROBABLY FEELS:

LIKE IT'S READY TO DROP OFF.

AM I RIGHT, KIDS?

- HE'S A REAL SLUT, DAD.

- HE SURE IS, MARTY,

WHICH BRINGS US TO EMMA.

WHAT A SPECTACULAR PIECE

OF "YOU KNOW WHAT" SHE IS.

- SHE GIVES ME WET DREAMS.

- [laughing]

OH, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THE TIME?

WELL, WE'D LOVE

TO STICK AROUND, WILL,

BUT WE HAVE PLENTY OF SHOPPING

TO DO BEFORE WE GO HOME

TO CATCH:

THE LAWRENCE WELK SHOW.

COME ON, KIDS.

KEEP UP THE FINE BONING, WILL.

- THANK YOU FOR WAITING--

SMALL BLADDER.

SO I WAS THINKING,

SINCE WE'RE ALREADY HERE

AND I KIND OF NEED

A PAIR OF JEANS--

- SAY NO MORE.

YES, I WILL BE

THE DRESSING ROOM BOYFRIEND.

- OH.

- SORRY ABOUT THAT.

- NO, IT'S JUST THA IT'S ONLY OUR FIRST DATE.

- IT'S A DATE?

- WELL, YOU DID PAY

FOR THE AMAZINGLY DECADEN MALL FOOD, SO, YEAH.

- I CAN DO BETTER

THAN MALL FOOD.

- WELL, I'M PRETTY SURE

THAT YOU'LL HAVE A CHANCE

TO PROVE THAT.

- OOH.

[upbeat music]

HI.

OOH, YOU SAID

ONE PAIR OF JEANS.

- YOU KNOW, IT WOULD BE

FISCALLY IRRESPONSIBLE

FOR ME TO IGNORE

THESE INCREDIBLE DEALS.

- OH, OKAY.

IT WOULD.

- I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

- YEAH, RIGHT.

I'LL BE THE DECAYING SKELETON

IN THE LEATHER JACKETS.

- OKAY.

HAVE FUN.

- YEAH.

YEESH.

- CAN I HELP YOU

FIND A SIZE?

- YEAH, I'M LOOKING

FOR A 31.

- OKAY.

[grunts]

WHY DON'T YOU TRY THESE ON,

AND WHILE YOU'RE

IN THE DRESSING ROOM,

I'LL FIND THAT SIZE FOR YOU.

- GREAT.

- MICHELLE.

CAN YOU SET HIM UP

WITH A ROOM?

- ABSOLUTELY.

RIGHT THIS WAY, SIR.

- THANKS.

SORRY.

SORRY.

- CLUMSY ME.

SORRY ABOUT THAT.

YOUR DRESSING ROOM'S

RIGHT THIS WAY.

- [sighs]

- OH, SH*T.

[echoing moaning]

- GIVE ME A SHOU IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.

- UH, WILL DO.

[suspenseful music]

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- I WAS--

I JUST--

- I GET HIM FIRST.

YOU STAND GUARD.

HOW'S EVERYTHING

GOING IN HERE?

- FINE.

I DON'T NEED ANYTHING.

- NO, LET ME JUST HELP YOU

WITH YOUR PANTS.

- SERIOUSLY,

I CAN'T DO IT.

I CAN'T DO THIS RIGHT NOW.

CAN I COME BACK LATER, PLEASE?

LIKE--

- NO.

- JESUS.

- THESE ARE FULL.

TRY THE ROOMS:

ON THE OTHER SECTION.

- [moaning]

- WILL?

- [sighs]

YES.

[creaking]

- EXCUSE ME.

DID YOU SEE A GUY

WITH A TEDDY BEAR

GO IN ANY OF THESE?

- NO, NO GUYS HERE, NONE.

- OH, THAT'S THE SPOT!

[creaking]

- THAT IS MAINTENANCE.

- KILL IT, BABY!

KILL IT!

- SHE'S--THERE'S A--

THERE'S A RA RUNNING RAMPAN THROUGH THIS ROOM.

SHE'S AGGRESSIVE.

IT'S HUGE.

- OKAY, I'LL JUST--

- OKAY, YEAH.

THANKS.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

DON'T FORGET TO FILL OU A COMMENT CARD.

- PST, WILL.

- CRAZY HAT GUY,

WHAT THE HELL:

ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- WHAT THE F***

YOU THINK I'M DOING, WILL?

I'M BUYING JEANS.

HEY, BY THE WAY,

THESE MAKE ME LOOK LESS BLACK?

- I CAN'T TALK TO YOU

RIGHT NOW.

- ALL RIGHT, PLAYER, FINE.

YOU GO BE WITH EMMA,

BUT YOU REMEMBER WHO THE F***

YOU DOING THIS ALL FOR.

- [whispering] OKAY, LOOK.

I KNOW WHO I'M DOING IT FOR.

AND I KNOW WHAT THE RULES

OF THE TAPE ARE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO KEEP

POPPING UP:

ALL OVER THE PLACE

AND TELLING ME.

- JEEZ, SOMEBODY'S

A LITTLE BITCHY TODAY.

OH, WILL, ONE MORE THING...

- [whispers] THANK YOU.

- [laughing]

AH, TO BE YOUNG AND DUMB

AND FULL OF COME.

YEAH, THAT'LL WORK.

WHATEVER, PLAYER.

- HEY.

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