Screwed Page #9

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[engine revving]

[rhythmic laughter]

[laughter stops]

- MMM, YEAH, MMM.

MMM, MORNING.

CAN I FIX YOU SOME--

[birds chirping]

MMM, MMM.

[engine revving]

- FOR THE BACHELOR.

AND THIS IS MY BABY.

[laughter]

- HI, THERE.

WELCOME TO THE RITZ HOWLTON.

OH, WHAT'S YOUR NAME,

LITTLE GUY?

HEY.

- FLASH.

HIS NAME'S FLASH.

- WELL, THAT'S A GREAT NAME.

WHAT CAN WE DO:

FOR FLASH TODAY?

FOR YOUR DOG?

- SIR,

IF YOU COME WITH ME,

WE CAN BEGIN:

THE INTERVIEW PROCESS FOR FLASH,

SEE IF HE'S COMPATIBLE

WITH THE OTHER GUESTS

HERE AT THE RITZ.

- SORRY, I JUST REMEMBERED

I NEED TO BE SOMEWHERE.

I'LL COME BACK LATER

TO INTERVIEW.

- OKAY.

BYE, FLASH.

- HOLY SH*T.

SHE REALLY DOESN'T KNOW ME.

- CAN YOU BELIEVE

HE PUT MY VIDEO ON YOUTUBE?

I MEAN, YOU KNOW A BILLION

PEOPLE ARE GONNA SEE IT,

AND IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN SEND I IN FOR MY BACHELOR AUDITION.

HI, CAN WE HELP YOU?

- I GUESS NOT.

- AH, SERIAL KILLER MUCH?

- HEY, SORRY TO BOTHER YOU.

I THINK I ALREADY KNOW

THE ANSWER TO THIS,

BUT DO YOU REMEMBER ME AT ALL?

- LOOK, BACK THE F*** OFF,

FREAK.

- I JUST NEED TO KNOW

IF YOU REMEMBER ME.

- LOOK, JUST BECAUSE

I'M A YOGA TEACHER,

DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T KICK

YOUR F***ING ASS!

- OKAY--OH, GOD!

[groaning]

OH, GOD.

[soft instrumental music]

- I WISH...

[knocking]

- KEEP STALKING

THOSE B*TCHES, PARTNER.

- EVERY TIME

YOU LOOKED AT ME

WITH THAT COLDNESS

IN YOUR STARE:

AT LEAST THEN,

I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SEE

WHEN YOU WALK AWAY

AND I'M STUCK

LOOKING LIKE A LOVER ON TV

DON'T WANT TO WATCH YOU

BREAK MY HEART:

DON'T WANT TO WATCH YOU

BREAK MY HEART:

AGAIN:

[keyboard tapping]

AGAIN:

[music fades]

[pounding at door]

- OCUPADO.

[grunts]

HEY, MAN,

WHERE YOU BEEN?

YOU'VE BEEN HOLED UP IN THERE

FOR A WEEK.

DUDE.

YOU SMELL LIKE SH*T!

MAYBE THAT'S ME.

- WHY WAS MY DOG THERE?

- DUDE, THIS DOESN'T SUCK!

- YOU'RE HERE TO BUY SOMETHING.

WE DON'T NEED--

NO, WE DON'T NEED TO GO

THROUGH ALL THE DETAILS.

WE'RE HERE BECAUSE YOU

ALREADY LIKE IT.

WE'RE HERE BECAUSE OF THIS.

SHOW 'EM THE--

SHOW 'EM THE COVER.

THIS--YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.

YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.

- WE'RE DEFINITELY HERE

BECAUSE OF THIS.

- BAM!

- WOW.

- CHECK THAT OUT.

- IN A SINGLE BREATH,

IT'S AMAZING.

RIGHT?

- IT'S AMAZING.

- ALL RIGHT?

SUPER DAD.

THIS GUY CAME UP WITH THE STORY.

I'M DOING THE INKING.

WHAT DOES A SUPER DAD HAVE?

SUPERPOWERS AND...

- SUPER BABIES.

- SUPER BABIES.

[stirring music]

THIS IS THE LAST HOUR

OF THE LAST DAY:

BEFORE THE FIRST DAY

OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

PICK YOURSELF UP NOW

- HI, UH.

[gasping]

HOW DID YOU GUYS

COME UP WITH THE IDEA

ABOUT SUPER DAD?

- OH, UH, WELL,

WILL HAD A GENERAL STORY IDEA

ABOUT A MAN-SLU WITH SUPERPOWERS

WHO KNOCKED UP:

A BUNCH OF HIS ONE-NIGHT STANDS.

SO THAT GOT US THINKING,

WHAT IF ALL THAT HUMPING AROUND

CAME BACK TO HAUNT HIM

IN SOME WAY?

SO THEN WE THOUGHT,

OKAY, HERE'S THE PLOT:

SUPER DAD'S ENEMIES

KILL ALL OF HIS FORMER LOVERS

TO GET BACK AT SUPER DAD,

BUT WHAT THEY DON'T KNOW

IS THAT SUPER DAD

HAS ALL THESE ILLEGITIMATE

CHILDREN RUNNING AROUND

WHO HAVE INHERITED

HIS SUPERPOWERS.

SO NOW NOT ONLY IS HE IN CHARGE

OF DEFENDING THE ENTIRE WORLD,

HE'S GOT TO RAISE THIS GAGGLE

OF SUPERPOWERED BABIES.

AND THAT'S PRETTY MUCH

THE SPRINGBOARD:

TO THE WHOLE, UH--

THE WHOLE SERIES.

RIGHT, WILL?

- YEAH, WHAT HE SAID.

HE GOT IT.

- OH, WELL, ALL RIGHT, GUYS.

THANKS A LOT.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

OH, OH, GOD.

- THERE YOU GO.

TAKE CARE.

- BYE.

- YOU KNOW,

YOU COULD AC LIKE YOU'RE

ACTUALLY ENJOYING THIS.

- I'M SORRY.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

NOWHERE I'D RATHER BE.

- IF YOU DON'T WANT TO DO...

- [panting]

HEY.

- HI, HI.

- CAN YOU GUYS

MAKE IT OUT TO RONNIE,

YOUR FAVORITE MERE MORTAL?

- NO PROBLEM.

- SURE.

[mumbling]

THERE YOU GO.

- THIS ONE TOO.

IT'S THE FIRST BOOK

YOU EVER INKED.

- SEE? A REAL FAN.

- NICE.

- AND THIS.

I JUST HAPPENED:

TO BE WALKING BY

WHERE YOU GUYS:

HAPPENED TO BE HAVING DINNER.

TAKEN THROUGH THE WINDOW,

BUT--

- [chuckling]

COOL.

- IT STILL WORKS.

IT'S YOU GUYS.

- YOU JUST FOUND US, HUH?

- YEAH.

I ALSO GOT THIS:

OUT OF THE BATHROOM STALL

THAT YOU GUYS USED

AFTER LUNCH TODAY.

- OKAY.

- ABDUL.

- ABDUL.

- PLEASE.

- SIGNATURE ON THAT--

YOU KNOW WHAT, GUYS?

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

- HEY.

- I LOVE YOU GUYS!

- TAKE CARE.

- SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST,

LIKE, SUPER WEIRD.

[laughs]

- OH, MAN.

- HEY.

- HEY, MAN, WHAT YOU GOT?

- CAN YOU MAKE IT OU TO LANDON?

- SURE.

- I KNOW YOU.

YOU'RE THE GUY

THAT CAME TO THE RITZ

RECENTLY WITH THE DOG

WITH THE REALLY CUTE UNDERBITE.

FLASH, RIGHT?

- YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

GOOD TO SEE YOU.

- YOU TOO.

THIS IS MY NEPHEW.

HE LOVES YOUR COMIC.

- SWEET, WELL, MAKE SURE

YOU GET A SUBSCRIPTION THEN.

THAT WAY,

YOU DON'T MISS AN ISSUE.

- OH, I WILL.

- GREAT.

THERE YOU GO, MAN.

- THANK YOU.

- THANKS, GUYS.

- YOU'RE WELCOME.

- YOU KNOW THAT CHICK?

- VAGUELY.

- AWESOME, APPRECIATE IT.

YOU GUYS DID GREAT,

AWESOME.

YEAH, WE'LL SEE YOU GUYS

NEXT WEEK.

- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

- ALL RIGHT.

GUYS,

THAT WAS A AWESOME JOB, MAN.

THOSE KIDS WERE STOKED,

ALL RIGHT?

READY FOR NEXT WEEK?

DO IT AGAIN, ALL RIGHT?

- ROCK AND ROLL.

- SEE YOU GUYS LATER.

- THAT WAS FUN.

- I USED TO HAVE ONE OF THOSE.

- YOU DID?

- YEAH.

- [chuckles]

- I USED TO HAVE SUCH A CRUSH

ON JOHNNY STORM:

WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL.

MY BROTHER:

WAS A COMIC BOOK GEEK,

SO I GOT THE GEEK EDUCATION...

both:
BY OSMOSIS.

[soft piano music]

- THANKS AGAIN

FOR SIGNING MY NEPHEW'S COPY

OF YOUR COMIC.

YOU TOTALLY MADE HIS LIFE.

- NO, MY PLEASURE.

- SPEAKING OF WHICH,

I SHOULD PROBABLY FIND HIM.

- I THINK HE'S OKAY.

YOU KNOW, WHEN MY PARENTS

USED TO BRING ME HERE AS A KID,

I COULDN'T WAIT FOR THEM

TO LEAVE:

SO I COULD DO THE SAME THING

HE'S DOING NOW.

I BET HE'S FORGOTTEN

ALL ABOUT HIS AUNT EMMA.

- MEANING I HAVE TIME

FOR MY OWN LEISURELY PURSUITS?

- IF ONE WERE SO INCLINED.

- WHAT ARE YOU SUGGESTING?

- MAYBE COFFEE,

TWO CHAIRS,

WITTY BANTER,

YOU AND ME.

THERE'S A PLACE

RIGHT NEXT DOOR.

I'M SURE ABDUL CAN KEEP AN EYE

ON YOUR NEPHEW.

- WELL, YOU'RE THE BIG SHO COMIC BOOK WRITER.

YOU'RE PAYING.

- NOT REALLY A BIG SHOT YET.

- UM, WELL, THEN I CAN SAY

I KNEW YOU WHEN.

- WHEN WHAT?

- WHEN YOU...

WERE JUST A STRUGGLING ARTIST?

I DON'T KNOW.

- LATELY

I'VE BEEN WEARING YOU

LIKE A FADED, OLD TATTOO

FORGETTING ALL THE JOY

I FELT:

WHEN HOLDING YOU WAS NEW

BUT IF I CAN'T TURN

THE CLOCKS BACK:

OR HELP YOUR HEARTACHE MEND

LET ME LOVE YOU:

- LOVE YOU

- FOR THE FIRST TIME AGAIN

[upbeat music]

WE'VE HAD FALSE STARTS

AND FIZZLE OUTS:

AND BLURRED THE LINES

OF RIGHT AND WRONG

- AH, AH, AH

- WE'VE HAD WRONG WAYS

AND TURNABOUTS:

AND ONLY ENDED UP MORE LOS - AH, AH, AH

- BUT MAYBE THERE'S

A BETTER WAY:

TO FINALLY:

GET AHOLD OF IT:

'CAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE

I WANT:

TO EVER STAR ALL OVER WITH

REMEMBER:

THAT THE FINISH LINE'S

ANOTHER WORD:

FOR THE END:

LET ME LOVE YOU:

- LOVE YOU

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