Search Engines Page #4

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No worse. He's bald.

Completely bald.

Oh well that is

far worse than death.

Yeah, a bald eagle,

a, a billiard ball, bald.

How do you know that he's bald?

Google images. Yeah,

I was cyberstalking him.

Okay, you're a little

tiny bit sick.

God. Oh James. He had such a

thick head of hair. I can't

believe it, he's bald. Oh and

he was such a stallion.

Now he's a bald stallion.

It sounds like a movie,

The Bald Stallion.

I believe the movie

was the Black Stallion.

The bald black stallion.

That reminds me of a

one-night stand

I had in Algiers.

What?

You don't know

everything about me.

What would you imagine

life would be like if you

stopped receiving emails?

I think that would be death.

If people stopped trying to reach

me that would be like

a death of sorts.

So would you say your

life's value is dependent on,

on the attention of others?

Hmm, that's

Uh. I suddenly feel like

I have said too much.

Want me to talk

about Thanksgiving?

God, I hate cranberry sauce,

it's-it tastes like medicine.

No I, I much prefer

hearing about your, uh,

junky-esque all-consuming

need for, for email love.

Jesse, mom's here. What?

It makes you,

It makes you, sounds like a...

Sh*t!

Sorry go ahead.

Like a walking Radiohead album.

I'm a creep.

Why didn't you park in the driveway?

Well I thought maybe you wanted

that parking space for a guest.

Well what are you not a guest?

Hey. Hi.

Where's your car?

Oh it's way down there.

What? You walked in the heels?

Don't talk about the car, okay.

Because I hate that car.

I am so angry with

that car right now.

What happened?

The navigation system.

It turned me around again.

Oh god you know those things

are always unreliable. Do you-

Do you think you

should be driving?

I drive just fine. I

shouldn't be listening to that

ridiculous contraption in there.

I could have had one of the

girls pick you up. What is that?

It's some homemade cranberry

sauce. I know, you told me, but,

uh, you know, you don't

have to use it.

No, no, no. You don't

understand-[LAUGHTER

You saved the day. What?

I did? How did you know?

Oh, she got canned.

Canned.

That's my daughter all

right, she's been half-assing it

since she was a toddler.

She's great

Hey, is this Julie's house?

Judy. Ju... it's, uh, I'm Judy.

This, this is my house.

Judy

Right, I'm Bert, a

friend of Shane's.

Oh that's right, I'm sorry.

He did-he told me you were coming.

Yeah. I'm here.

Yes, you are.

Yeah, so is dinner served?

Not - - not quite yet. I,

I'm, I'm working on it though.

Maybe uh-90 minutes?

I don't know.

You have to be some place?

Oh. okay

Well, no, I-I wouldn't

have been so early.

I was at the gym. I could

have finished my workout.

Oh I gotta lose

ten pounds in a week.

Ten pounds.

In a week, yeah.

You're gonna disappear.

Shh.

Why would you say

disap-I'm not gonna disappear.

Why would you say that?

No, no, no. I just-

I don't think that

she meant GINA:
you

really gonna... I mean

you, look just fine.

Not gonna disappear-

No, it's for a show.

I, I'm doing a, a show. I'm sure

Shane told you about it?

Oh right, right, right.

You are the actor.

- I am the actor, yes.

- Right.

I'm playing an English boxer.

With a left hook, from Leeds.

Yeah, yeah. That's how I met Shane.

I'm studying the accent.

Mm-hmm. A

friend introduced us

Well sounds like you have

quite an ear. That's terrific.

Everybody says that, yeah.

Good for you. Uh, by the

way this is, uh, Bert, this is

my mother, Gina.

Oh, yo.

Yeah, yo.

Okay why don't we, uh, come in.

Did you make some stuffing?

Oh.

Oh it's your mom. Well

got to get back in the kitchen

One at seven. Hi!

Baby, oh.

Hey man.

Hey buddy.

Well keep making me

look good, little brother.

We didn't really finish.

So what's going on in here?

Oh. uh, you know what, I'll

explain it all to you inside.

Oh Let's get this in the fridge.

Okay.

Okay?

I'm gonna help.

Do you guys have a bathroom?

Uh-yes we do have a bathroom

It's right down there.

- Darling.

- Hey Mom.

You.

Hi.

Yes, two minutes.

You might want

to come and join us.

Okay. Two minutes.

Whoa, you have

been very busy in here.

I know it, it, it looks like

a mess but there is actually

a method to my madness.

My pie crusts are gonna be silky

smooth and I have two stuffings.

Count them, two, that

are about to go in.

And mister turkey is in here

getting all golden brown.

And oh by the way mom

saved the day, she

made homemade cranberry sauce.

I'm a boxer from Leeds.

Yeah. I'll mess you up.

Yeah. Oh good.

It sounds weird but it makes

me feel like I'm in control or like

I'm, I'm like this guy with a

purpose. Oh, you know what,

um, actually I have to-

I'm, it, it's like a work thing.

We have uh-a treasure trove

of material we can come back to

later if we need to.

Oh great, yeah, yeah,

yeah, just pick me up any time.

Or we'll pick it up any time.

Yeah, if I, if I

need to get a hold of you.

Yeah, email.

Email as we've talked.

- Yeah. That's great, Ok.

- Yeah

F***. F***, what is your

face doing there, buddy?

No too fat. Jesus Christ,

you need a f***ing nose job,

what is-?

Happy day, mom, happy day.

Thanks.

Hi, I didn't know

you were here. Hey

The baby boy.

I know I didn't

say hi properly. Wow.

Well, um, do you want me to

do some dishes? You'll have a

little bit more work space.

No, I don't want

you to do any dishes.

I don't want you to

do anything at all.

Jesse.

Yes.

I snuck a little bite

of your pared rum and it

was kind of fantastic

Of course it was. Although I

do have to say it was between that

and an apple pan dowdy.

Oh I can't imagine you making

anything called a pan dowdy.

Maybe a brown Betty.

Ooh, I love me a brown Betty.

I actually,

somewhat unsurprisingly, know a

drag queen named Brown Betty.

Of course you do.

Of course I do.

What are you guys talking about?

We are talking about

cakes and pies and tarts.

Pastries and for...

Who are you? What have

you done with my family?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, mom,

I told you I don't want you

doing that. I don't want you

doing that. Go have

a drink you guys.

Have fun.

Spirits!

Now you're talking.

Come on mom.

You have the ingredients?

Of course I do. Thanksgiving

is about the two Toms

Tom Turkey and Tom Collins.

That's right.

That's my kids.

Come on, let me make you one.

Yeah, I almost got lost.

I'm gonna catch up with

you guys in two seconds.

What?

Oh my god what is the

huge, giant emergency?

I turned on Bottom Feeder,

Rick's on it, shirtless.

What?

It said the guy

was eight feet away.

Well how, how, how

do you know it's him?

It looked like a torso

that could belong to him.

And it said his

tribe is discreet.

Was that English hipster on there?

You know, I've

always had that Bowie thing.

No, next closest guy is

a thousand and 32 feet away,

78 years old and likes

P and P and NSA.

F***, I mean did

you message the torso?

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