Search Engines Page #5

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I'm thinking about it.

He's hot, and smart.

No, no, because what about Georgia?

I mean she

gave up so much for

him, her entire career.

Who's Georgia?

That's Georgia. That Georgia

Oh she's really pretty. If I

liked girls I'd be all over that.

You and Rick really do have

a lot in common, apparently.

Hi boys, why don't you

come in here and keep me company?

Oh my god. Just

act really casual. Oh.

I just use it to tune out,

because I just want to be told

what to do. 'Cause I don't like

thinking when I'm driving.

Probably not what the

GPS people had in mind.

It's so depressing to get lost, Kate.

It worries me.

That my mind is going.

That's how I am every

single day, and I'm not even

menopausal, much.

It wouldn't bother me either

if people didn't just come flying

at me like that. They just

whizz on by like crazy people.

It can make your head spin. It

makes mine spin.

You should see the kids at school.

I mean they are

so speeded up by the internet

And they're all on Adderall

so it cracks them out even more.

You know, they can't even read

a short story. We've

completely given up on novels.

Hi.

Hey, oh those are so pretty.

Oh thank you, I figured

I'd do something with my

unused creative talents.

Um, I'm sorry, uh,

this is my friend Dylan.

Hi, Dylan. I saw you

guys conspiring over there.

What's going on? Whose boyfriend

ran off with somebody else, huh?

What's going on? Tell me.

No, no secrets.

No gay secrets.

No.

Okay well that's a bummer,

I wanted some gossip. Uh, Jesse?

Yeah.

How are you?

Fine. I mean, you know, fine.

Good. Just work, email, work,

email, work, email.

Cheating at paleo, email.

Same old, same old.

Getting kids to read

books was always a chore.

So it's easier just to have

given up on it completely.

Now that is sad. What's

gonna happen to books?

I mean even the word book has

a negative connotation to it now.

You know we're thinking of

assigning graphic novels?

Comic books, to fool them.

Sort of a literary bait and

switch for these dark times.

Oh. If you ask me,

I think we're raising

a society of nincompoops.

Strong thumbed nincompoops.

What do you suppose

he's doing over there?

Case in point.

What about you?

Fine too, not working.

Distracted husband.

Expiring biological clock.

Yeah, I, I-I mean I thought

things were going really well

for you. Judy always brags

about how great you're doing...

You know what, I, I got

caught up in the LA lifestyle.

I stopped taking gigs, I started

doing Pilates, my career is

going nowhere. But I have a

seriously strong core.

What about you? How are you,

sweetheart? Are you happy? Huh?

Yeah. I'm so happy to see you.

Oh well, I'm, I'm as

well as can be expected, mom.

Oh I'm so happy to hear that.

Yeah. But Judy, Judy's having

a hard time with this divorce.

That man was a

millstone around her neck.

But he sure made

beautiful babies.

I'd give anything

for a millstone.

Oh stop it. You've had so

many opportunities. You've always

been a free spirit. Always.

That's what you are.

A free spirit. It's

such a nice Yeah.

Way of saying free

on a Friday night.

How, how did you meet Judy?

She reviewed a show of mine

back when I was doing fine art

a hundred years ago.

They were New York City gal pals.

Yeah.

How 'Sex in The City'

Oh Samantha, Really.

Guilty as charged.

And then you moved to

LA and settled down? Why?

Oh you know, the reason,

it's always the same reason, a guy.

Yeah but I mean Rick is

like, he's kind of a good reason.

I mean you like

being married to Rick?

Yes. Um, marriage is

a process of self-discovery.

Can you hold it steady please?

Mm-hmm. This will

take just a nanosecond.

No, I, I can't fix

it unless you hold it.

Mm-hmm.

Ah, wait, you know bending

down like this hurts my back.

Well my readers

need to know about this.

It's my responsibility.

Are you using your ethnic

avatar or your white one this time?

Honey Girl

21 is for Hayneedle only.

I'm white everywhere else.

You know that.

How could I forget that?

Can I read it to you?

Do I have a choice? Ah,

you know what, maybe it's not

bending down-Maybe

it's just you.

Ignoring that. "Mommy monster here.

Just pulling up to T-day

dinner and the new cart turns

out to be a T-urd. See the pics

below. Now on to Yelp to

collapse this cart out of

business."

What do you think?

It's kind of funny, right

Oh that's great, you're

like the Ralph Nader of Amazon.

Can you help me?

Ralph Nader of Amazon.

Oh, I like that.

Yeah, just a second, I got to

post this on Yelp now.

Jesus, honey, we're already late.

Your guacamole's

gonna turn brown.

The guac can wait. This can't.

Where was I. Oh I love this part.

"At the bottom of her

heart, however, she was waiting

for something to happen. Like

shipwrecked sailors she turned

despairing eyes upon the

solitude of her life. Seeking a

far off, some white sail in

the mists of the horizon."

- And its got that real feel.

- It's the oil. The olive oil.

It makes-looks like an oil.

Oh. What's that?

Oh well this is a triple martini.

No one talks

about it, but the pilgrims

were plastered.

Uh-the pilgrims and the

Indians that's the thing.

Oh, sorry. I'm Shane.

Oh. I'm

friends with Judy.

Uh-huh, I'm Kate, Judy's sister.

- Hello.

And this is our mom, Gina.

Ah, the queen

mother, nice to meet you.

Happy turkey leg as they say.

Thanks. Shane, huh? Now that

is a real solid name. Did you ever

see the movie? The

old movie called Shane?

No.

It was one of my favorites

when I was a little girl.

I've heard of it,

but I've not seen it.

It's something about a, uh,

heroic dog, isn't it?

No, it, uh, how could

you not see a movie

that has your name?

It's just not very, uh,

popular in England, I don't think.

Did you ever see it, honey?

Oh come on, it's an old American

classic. Oh, it's wonderful.

You'd both love it, I know.

You should see it.

Done. First thing on the to-do

list, right? Because we have

so much time. I mean who

has time for anything.

It takes a lot of time to

see an entire movie.

What about TV?

I used to TiVo Guiding

Light, but they cancelled that.

So I watch webisodes, YouTube

videos, you know, like a minute,

two maybe. Who has time for

anything longer? Seriously, I'm,

I'm busy online

doing other stuff.

Doing what?

I do a little, uh,

online dating here and there.

I heard on The Today Show that

a lot of mature women are having

great success meeting men.

On the web.

Mature is 35, I'm old.

You're not old. You're

just seasoned, baby.

I'm the seasons,

I'm many, many seasons.

No, you are a

very enticing woman.

Oh.

You know, they say there are

a lot of older men in the web as

well. Aren't they looking

for girlfriends, hmm?

Why are you asking him? I'm on

there, day and night, all right.

There are no men. I think every

man has his filter set for

under 50. And every man worth

dating under 30. The same 12 men

keep popping up over and over

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