Senior Skip Day Page #4

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Look at me, Ralph! Do I look like a man

who's gonna leave without what he wants?

Now, where's the party?

There had to be a backup plan.

No, the plan was originally to

have the party at Carl's house.

- Carl Smith?

- Yeah...

but he's got these

relatives, they're scary.

Aaaggh.

Who's your friend, Ralph?

This is my principal,

Mr. Dickwalter.

Ahhh... Mr. Dickwilder.

Walter.

- What... Wilder?

- Dickwalter.

Dick-Wilder.

Dickwalter!

Dickwalter...

Dickwalter.

Yes, my son Ralph, he studied

so very hard to get into Harvard.

Can you please find it in

your heart to reconsider?

Oh, I know how you must feel,

I wish I could help you...

but he should've thought

of the consequences...

before he decided to throw

a kegger at my house.

You can forget about

Harvard for him...

In fact, maybe he can work with you in

the kitchen, or whatever it is you do.

I'll be back, one minute.

One minute,

take two minutes.

Your father's not very

friendly, Ralph, huh?

Wilder. Dickwilder,

you son of a b*tch!

What about Harvard?

First I find the party, then

we'll talk about your future.

'Till then, I wouldn't throw

away those classifieds. Huh?

Watch out for that one, huh?

Dickwilder!

[screams]

It's only just Harvard...

My cleaver!

Why're you getting

all whiny and sh*t?

Like you're some big

f***ing douche geek gay boy.

Oh Carla, I'm so shy around you.

If you would only kiss me...

my rich and meaningless

life would somehow be saved.

Please, man. You're Adam

Harris. Adam F***ing Harris!

You're the John F. Kennedy

Elementary School Spelling Bee Champ.

You're the Thomas Edison Memorial Jr.

High School Science Fair winner.

You won the f***ing

science fair, man.

I know, just shut up, you're

making me sound like a f***ing dork.

- President of the Debate Club.

- Yeah, yeah, just shut up.

Vice President of

The Late Society.

OK. Quiet. People are

gonna hear you.

The Chess Club. The AV Club.

Need I go on?

Tate, I am a loser, okay?

You are a risk

taker, my friend.

You are a walking, burning cauldron

of intelligence and testosterone...

all rolled into one beautiful, swaggering

package of unmediated, undoubting love.

That's really nice.

I'd f*** you myself.

Seriously, if I was a chick I

would f*** the sh*t out of you.

- Yeah.

- Hell, I'd even let you do me in the ass.

Great, if I was a guy, and I am a guy,

if I was myself, I would say no to that.

[panting]

Oh, 70's Bush, 80's Trim, 90's

Shaved, oh, Granny Surprise.

I just locked myself out.

Can I come in

for a little while?

Yeah, sure.

Oh, it's so hot in here. I've

got to take my clothes off.

Is that all you got?

Huh, yes. This is

all I have, yeah.

Well, do you want, like,

a dip to go along with it?

These chips are flavored like

guacamole, so, no dip needed.

Adam, you can put guacamole

flavored chips in dip.

- It actually tastes a lot better.

- You sure?

Positive, come on,

let's see what you've got.

- That is really good.

- It's a start.

Really, that's absolutely amazing,

actually. What else can we make?

I've always wanted to

throw a crepes party.

Crepes they're neat, like

a perfect party food.

It would be like,

a buffet thing...

and you'd put what you

want inside the crepe.

- And they're really f***ing good.

- You know what?

- What?

- We ought'a make some.

- Oh, I don't know.

- No, you should.

Carlas not gonna cook

for you, you know...

just 'cause you didn't buy decent

food except these stupid guaca chips.

Wow, these suck.

Este problemo, hombre?

Spanish for Be-atch!

Carla, I love you. Come on.

Thanks anyways.

What do you think?

I could step up to the plate,

or take it in the ass.

Step up to the plate, right?

Wait! You in the back!

Who said take it in the ass?

F*** you!

Oh... huh, hey! Um...

see ya out there.

Yeah.

- Hey.

- Hey, Sweetie.

Okay, this is amazing, 'cause

you two are models,

and like you're so beautiful,

and I just have to ask you this.

Yeah?

Your b*obs, they're like

so big, and perfect...

and I just wanna know,

did you get them done?

And if you did, who

did them for you?

You don't need a boob job, girl.

They're beautiful.

[coil]

I went to Dr. Murray Scholl Smith.

I used to be a O,

he made me a double D.

- But, there's no incision.

- He goes in under the arm.

- Not through the nipple?

- Hell no!

So, what's your

name anyway?

Sicki.

Mark Sicki.

I know a Sicki.

What's going on?

Oh, I took a dump.

Nice party.

Thank you.

Maybe the Sicki I know is

like a relative of yours.

Well, I doubt that, the only

other Sicki in my family...

is my brother Alex.

He's in jail.

Bingo! Alex Sicki the tattoo

guy. He's in my cell block.

Get the f*** outta here.

Small world.

Mm-mm?

Scary people huh? They're gonna

be scared of me, I'm scary people.

Make sure that they ge...

Aagh!

How'd you sell a purple car with a

cleaver in the roof, for God's sake?

Who are these bozos?

Leo.

Get over here.

Get over here.

What're you, hard of hearing?

Huh?

I said what took you so long.

Come on, brother.

Come on.

Hey, have

something to eat.

Yeah, try the sausage.

They're the best in the city.

He's a little hard of hearing.

He says the sausages are good.

Do you want a sausage?

I'm not hard of hearing,

and I don't care how... Jesus!

Yeah, that's Philly.

He won't be snitching

anybody out anymore.

You want something to eat? You

got a lot of work ahead of ya.

You can't dig a hole

on an empty stomach.

Ohh! I don't think, I...

oh, oh...

- he's not dead.

- He's not?

Well, he's now.

Hey, good work.

- My first time.

- Good work.

You'd never know it.

- Good work.

- That's so sweet.

Really, great work,

great work.

Oh golly... What a day

this has been.

Here's your ounce of coke.

We'll give you another ounce

when you get back from the desert.

Believe me,

this is plenty.

This is good sh*t, don't

snort it all at once.

You want a little food

to hit the road with?

No, I think this

will be okay.

Huh! These guys never

shoot anyone thin.

Oh, come on.

That's just great.

I bet this never happens to

a private school principal.

Oh, hey Isha!

Hey, what's your deal?

I mean, you're f***ing hot,

but you're crazy as sh*t.

Crazy but hot!

My bad.

Damn right your bad.

I like to drink beer, not wear it.

I ought'a cut your f***ing arms off.

Yeah, suck my dick, baby.

Yeah, suck it. Suck it hard.

Oh, that's right, baby I Oh,

yeah, oh yeah. F***in' eh.

Oh my.

Suck that motherf***er. Oh, oh.

How nice.

I have here a poignant

artifact of little Jamal's.

His cellular phone, that

miraculously survived...

the impact of the fall.

Now, if only Jamal's fragile,

cancer-ridden young body...

had been as durable.

(cell phone rings)

Hello?

(male voice) Is Jamal there?

- No, Jamal has passed on.

Oh man.

That's f***ed up

Thank you very much

for those kind words.

- Is he Dead?

- Yeah.

- Sh*t.

- Goodbye.

And then they shot the guy.

They had guns, Minn!

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