Senior Skip Day Page #5

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Who did?

- The mafia, aren't you even listening?

- Not really.

You know something?

This is terrific.

The one person supposed to be

trustworthy... hold on a second...

Let me finish with her

before I deal with you.

Hey, I'm sorry. Turns out the

dead guy's not d... Ahhhh!

- Holy sh*t!

- Oh sh*t.

Uh... these things smell.

- Oh my God, sir, are you okay?

- I think so, yeah.

- Mr. Dickwalter?

- Who wants to know?

Ellen Harris, class of '96.

You busted my

Skip Day party.

Oh yeah, yeah, you look good,

what have you been up to?

This isn't my regular car. I

just use this for school stuff.

Oh, you gotta be

f***ing kidding me.

Oh yeah? You know what

Dickwalter means in German?

Scumbag!

No. Not scumbag.

But you're close.

Dude.

[scream]

I'd like to make amends

for my behavior earlier.

You see, I have

anger issues.

Uh-huh.

And I'm now gonna

make you an offering.

Drink.

Go ahead, it'll make

me feel better.

I don't, I don't want to.

Drink up.

Drink!

Good. Now I feel better.

Have a nice party.

Oh, yes

Yes, oh I

She's very pretty.

Not him,

but her.

[click]

Oh... oh, Jesus.

Sorry.

So, Tate. How did

you meet Adam?

We met at a Star

Trek convention.

Although he'd probably punch

me in the eye for saying that.

So, for the record,

I met him at the gym.

I was spotting him.

He must have been benching

4... 500,000 pounds.

- Yeah, right.

- He's stronger than he looks.

What do you think?

I... I think, that was weak.

Whoa.

Huh, excuse me.

Everybody, can I...

I just get your attention

for one quick sec?

Is everybody having

a good time?

- Yeah...

- You suck.

Okay.

Um, I have an

announcement to make.

Somebody in our class

is a master chef...

and that somebody is

gonna cook you all...

the greatest meal

known to man and...

And to woman as well.

And that somebody...

is none other than Whippany

Park's own Carla Maxwell.

Give her a hand, Carla [cheers]

Wait, Carla,

wait wait.

I can't believe you put

me on the spot like that.

Can I just tell you

something quickly?

I see you, and you

clearly love cooking, okay?

But you have this weird thing

where you don't want to do it.

Or you think you're not

good, I, I don't get it.

But I can tell you

really do want to do this.

So, let's make

some crepes.

This is gonna be our

chopping station over here.

I'm gonna need a big, um,

mixing bowl. And a wooden spoon.

Wooden spoon, right? I have

two, as a matter of fact.

Yeah, both,

that's good.

A whisker?

Whisk. Yeah,

it's a whisk.

Oh my God, this is gonna be so awesome.

I think Carlas talking to that

Harris guy or something. Oh, hey.

Up, up, up, up.

Oh, sh*t.

Okay, you're gonna catch this one.

Aagh I Oh, sh*t.

Do you want this? Okay.

Yeah, no, no problem.

Um, Carla, when do the cooks get to eat?

This one's for you.

What's this?

Holy Sh*t. Hey, Harry,

come check this out, dog.

Man, I cannot believe what a

diversified portfolio this is, man.

Is that the flagship

episode of Dirty Debutantes?

Yes, it is my brother. Yes it is.

I'm speechless, man.

That one such landmark

film was Romancing the Bone.

There's a scene with Steve

Drink and steamy Tory Whales

it's just one

of the highlights.

Are you referring to where

he got her bent over the sink

and smacked her on the

ass with a Brillo pad?

Yes, perfection.

I love it.

I respectfully disagree. I

mean, this much louder scene

never done it for me, like,

uh, Sexy Sorority Kittens I... I.

Where 50 women go

down on them boys?

Dude, I can't believe that you put

that confusing mangle of pulsating flesh

on the same level as a hot and

intimate moment over a toilet.

You know how freaky your girl gotta

be to let you hit her over the toilet?

Yeah, but that sh*t

gave me cream dreams.

You're tripping.

There chicken

in that crepe?

Isha, it's not that

big of a deal.

Oh, it is

a big deal.

The genocide of poultry. Bovine

mutilation. The fornification of pork.

What the f***?

Have you ever

nestled your cheek

into a chicken's

soft feathers?

They're glorious creatures.

Tell me something. Did a chicken

ever find a cure to polio?

Has a chicken ever represented

you in court? Pro bono?

When's the last time a chicken sang

a song so sweet it made you cry?

Tell me.

Name one. No?

That's 'cause they're

f***ing chickens.

You know what I think your problem is?

You're secretly

craving it.

You're despicable.

H mph!

M mm.

Dude, we're running

low on booze.

What about that liquor

cabinet your parents have?

I do not want to deal

with Sonja right now.

Who?

I don't even want to get into

it, to be honest right now.

What the hell's the mafia doing

in Southern California anyway?

May I help you?

Scott Taylor here?

Who are you?

Frank Dickwalter. Whippany

Park H high principal.

Now, is Scott

Taylor here?

Huh, no, he's in school.

Um, no, he's not,

'cause, like, I'm here!

Now look, I don't want to interrupt

you, whatever it is you're doing.

I'm stretching.

I'm a dancer.

Course you are.

Um, do I detect

a hint of sarcasm?

No.

Sarcasm would be if you said

you were a dancer and I said

"Gee, you don't

look it!"

Ooh.

Alright, forget

I said that.

I didn't intend to get angry, because

I know you people are sensitive.

Wait, wait, wait. What

people? What people?

You! Christ,

look at you!

You better get off my porch before

I'm unable to control myself.

Buddy, you're already

unable to control yourself.

Oh, it's show time!

Best Skip Day ever.

You know, you totally ruined Skip Day.

I know. I did.

I can't believe you told

Dickwalter about the party.

Yeah, I know. I should

not have done that.

But then you saved it. And

you made it even better.

Hey.

Hi.

So, it's getting right

around cleanup time, I'd say.

So Carla, you know, Harris and

I, we'll take it from here,

because as you know, the chef doesn't

clean up after her masterpiece.

Thanks Scott.

I think we got it.

He's right. You should just hang

out, have fun. We'll take care of it.

Really?

Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah.

Okay.

Thanks.

Look at the legs

on that, huh?

Listen, I was talking

about the wine.

You know Harris, you are

one sick f***, you know that?

But I like you.

So, uh, yeah. Did you

have fun today? You know.

Yeah, I did.

Yeah. Thank you.

Yeah? You know, uh,

my name's Adam Harris

and I graduated in

the top of my class.

Hey, Carla, how 'bout we make some

crepes, how does that sound? Yeah!

Yeah, sounds great! Maybe I can

get in your panties. No. Wrong. X.

Don't even think about it. Forget

about it, as they say in Italian.

At the end of the day, she's my

girl, don't forget about that.

I haven't.

That skirt,

right there.

Yeah, there is a nice supple

peach under that motherf***er.

F*** me.

F.Y.I.

she swallows.

Hey Denise.

Look at her, that's what I want to do.

What, give a lap dance

to some drooling idiot?

Yeah.

Way to let 'em drop, that's

what I'm talking about.

That sh*t is called game, homie!

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