Senior Skip Day Page #6

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Did you know that hemp can

be made into bags and clothes?

Even shoes.

Why would I wanna

smoke my shoes,

when I can just take my stash

and smoke with my lady friends?

Hemp is an alternative to animals.

Yeah.

So, don't

wear animals.

But, uh,

cotton is of

the plant kingdom.

The Spinster

is safe.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Where are we?

Hey.

Hi!

You developed a bit of

a taste for nerd today.

He's a good guy.

But I'm

a good guy.

Are you?

Really?

Yeah. Let

me show you.

Oh my God, is that all

you ever think about?

Sweetheart, it's my favorite

thing to think about.

You are hopeless.

Hopelessly in love.

With you, no?

No.

Oh, look, sweetheart.

I know you're nervous.

Yeah, I

am nervous.

Me too. It's okay. You

know, but, I love you.

And, just, you know, I want it

to be special for the both of us.

I love you. Just you

and me, nice and slow.

Just scented candles,

it's gonna be awesome.

Hey.

Hey.

Did anyone ever tell you

that you're beautiful?

Your passion is

very attractive.

Oh my God. I'm so

f***ing hungry.

Oooh. Oh, I think

you're ready to be bad.

M mm. Oh my God.

Oh my God.

That is so good. Give

me another bite. Please.

See, the thing is guys,

I've got a secret.

What?

The alphabet.

The alphabet?

You know,

the alphabet.

A,

B,

you do it right,

chicks love the B.

Carl, check this out I'm talking

about tongue-f***ing b*tches

Dude, that's the oldest

trick in the book, man.

I was getting my girl to climax by O.

Well, uh, I get

Carla by the I.

- I?

- Yeah.

Never done

that before.

'Cause you're

not dotting it.

Did you

invite Ralph?

Yeah, I think I

invited everybody.

That's good. Can you text him again?

Cause I'm kind'a

feeling like

he needs to come to this

party more than anyone.

That's a good call.

Yeah, I mean, I'm playing. But I'm not.

Okay.

Let's do that.

Kleenex in

the bathroom.

What?

Frank, are you okay?

Never better, Minn.

Top of the world.

Well, perk up Sunshine. I know

who's behind the Skip Day party.

[screeching tires]

Hold on. What? Who?

Who's behind it?

Adam Harris.

Adam Harris?

You a**hole, Minn.

It can't be Adam Harris, he's the

only decent one in the whole bunch.

Give me

another name.

What the hell is

you talking about?

Adam just sent a text

message over to Ralph's phone

inviting him to

the Skip Day party.

It can't be him,

it's a forgery!

Frank, Adam sent a picture of himself

grinding with a bunch of skinny hoochs!

Adam?

Frank? Frank,

are you there?

Frank? Frank are you

there? [disco music]

Hello, old friend.

What the hell?

What's the big deal about

having sex with Carla anyway?

You're about to go to U.C.L.A.

on a football scholarship, man!

You're gonna be knee deep in p*ssy.

But, I put three good goddamn

years into this relationship, boys.

I deserve to get

laid at least once.

Dude, you get laid

all the time.

Everyone knows you're having sexual

relations with the prom queen.

Dude, shut up!

Besides, I got a secret

that always works.

Tell her you're

a virgin, man.

Oh, she'll never

believe that.

Yes, she will,

tell her you're a virgin.

She'll believe it 'cause she wants

to, 'cause she loves you, man.

- A virgin.

- She loves you!

You're so right.

I know.

You're like

a prophet, man.

I watch a lot

of videos.

Hey.

Hey.

You were really cute

when you were little.

Ah, thank you.

Sorry. You don't want

people in here, do you?

No, no, no.

It's no big deal.

That one my dad

took, actually.

Where is he?

I have no idea

where my dad is.

Huh, the North Pole

I guess. I don't know.

So, he skipped.

Yes. He did. He left his

7 year old daughter with my mom,

and he sort of headed out of town.

Sometimes I wish my family would skip.

They just don't

really get me.

Well, I get you.

Oh sh*t.

I really like him.

That sounded

so gay.

I think I can

trust him.

Adam? Um,

are you, are you a virgin?

What? No.

No, what?

Sh*t.

Why would you

think that?

Oh my God.

She is onto me.

I can't believe

I just said that.

You know, 'cause

it's okay if you are.

Right, well, yeah. No, it would

be okay if I was. But, I'm not.

That's not how things are. I

have not been a virgin for years.

Decades. I lost my

virginity so long ago.

What happened, I was in

Eastern Europe with my family.

I was at a hotel. Um, I

had nothing to do that night.

And I went out, and thought, why

don't I try and lose my virginity,

you know, let's go for it. So, went

out to this whore district, you know,

just 'cause I figured easier, right? So,

I go there, and I meet this girl, Gretchen,

she had one leg. And, and I, you

know, talked to her and I was, like,

hey, you know, let's do it. So she's, like,

alright, well, sure, why not, you know.

And so we did, and it was good.

And it was fun and all that.

You know, I was nervous,

I was really nervous.

Yeah.

Never done that before, you

know, but then I figured,

she's, you know, amputee, virgin,

right? Whole thing kind of evened out.

What the f*** am

I talking about?

Who is this guy?

Come downstairs. You're

not gonna believe this.

Oh my god, No,

no, no, no, no.

That's my mom's table. That

table's very expensive. No!

Oh God.

Go Denise.

Go Denise.

Go Denise.

Go Denise.

I need a dollar bill. I need a

dollar bill. Who's got a dollar?

Does anybody have dollar? Okay,

okay. Does anybody have a dollar?

I do not have a dollar.

Can anybody bust up a ten?

Can anybody

bust up a ten?

Hey, uh, you know, I have

something I need to tell you.

But I've been

hiding it from you,

because I'm really

embarrassed about it.

What?

The truth is, I'm

I'm a virgin, Carla.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, let's go to

the bedroom.

Oh my god. I really did blow it.

Hey man,

this isn't over.

Yes it is. It's too late, I blew it.

Are you nervous?

Yeah.

Me too. Happy, but

nervous at the same time.

I can't believe you're

letting this happen.

Tate, I f***ed up, and

it's done, it's over.

Stop them, stake your

claim. Plant your flag.

Okay, plant your flag. What does that

even mean? That doesn't mean anything.

I don't know what it

means. But it sounds good.

It does sound good.

Damn right it

sounds good.

That sounds

really good.

Damn right it sounds really good.

I gotta plant

my flag.

You plant that flag!

I gotta

plant my flag.

Go!

Go!

I'm glad it's the first

time for both of us.

I know.

I know.

Alright, I know. I should just, I gotta,

but no, can you really expect me to just...

Okay, look, no. This is the moment

of truth. I gotta seize the day.

Okay. I think I'm ready.

Me too.

I'm gonna do this.

I'm gonna do this.

Ready?

Yeah.

I can't believe it. It's

too late. I'm too late.

Oh yeah. Oh, this is gonna

be f***ing awesome.

Here we go, Laura,

I just gotta get it...

What? Wait.

Carla. Carla.

No, what did

you just say?

That is so messed up.

She's definitely f***ing him.

You just called me Laura!

No!

I'm not making this sh*t up.

She was f***ing him.

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