Set It Up Page #4

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[both] Don't pee.

Pee.

- Do not pee in there. Do not pee in the...

- It's too late. I'm dripping.

[Joe groaning]

[gagging]

Shh.

[elevator starts]

Ah.

Hello.

I'm not great at reading rooms,

but I can tell that was a success.

It was okay.

- Are you kidding?

- Hmm?

That was a disaster.

They hate each other.

Hate, we can work with.

Hate is not the opposite of love.

Know what the opposite of love is?

- Ice.

- Indifference.

Well, that's also very true, Creepy Tim.

[gasps]

- Uh...

- People call me Creepy Tim?

No.

I love it.

Your dry cleaning's in the car,

and I forwarded you Jeff's itinerary

for the Simone Biles profile.

Oh.

And, also, apparently some guy

you were stuck in the elevator with

asked security for your contact info.

- Was it the delivery man?

- No.

Um, some big shot in the building.

I guess he has a crush on you.

But don't worry, I told them we do not

give out your number, okay?

I heard you got stuck in an elevator

with that sports reporter. Kirsten...?

Kirsten Stevens.

I knew I recognized her from somewhere.

Kirsten Stevens.

I think Mark Cuban is thinking

about investing in her site.

Hmm.

I did it. What now?

[Harper]

Does Rick have good Yankees tickets?

No, he watches from the bleachers

like a peasant. He does.

[Harper] Charlie?

Hi, I'm so sorry.

So sorry. I got here so early

that I thought I had time to dick around,

so I went there, lost track of time

- and was late.

- That's the dumbest thing I've heard.

- That is not a real thing.

- It is.

It's the over-dick-around thing.

I over-dicked it.

- Why are you wearing that?

- I'm going to a baseball game.

Why are you wearing that?

I'm not on the team.

Why would I wear the jersey?

- I don't wear scrubs to the doctor's.

- I'll get nachos.

I've made a mistake.

[Harper] What are you doing? Come on!

- [Harper] Bobby?

- [Bobby] Harper?

[Harper] Hey, I need a favor. We need...

the people...

in these two seats right here to make out.

- What do they look like?

- One is a beautiful woman with dark hair

and a fierceness

that's both scary and inspiring.

The other is a guy.

- You know I can make this happen.

- Good.

[announcer] Number 40, Luis Severino.

Yankees' 24-year-old Dominican pitcher

is on the mound to start.

So, Rick's here. If you see the...

- You see the U? He's right above.

- Do you have a telescope so I can see him?

- Are seats this far back legal?

- These are the best.

There's a community here.

And you can see the whole field.

And there's Dennis.

Hi, sweetheart. How you doing?

Dennis introduced me to the Gerilympics.

He's a heavy weightlifting champ.

- What does he bench, negative 10?

- I heard that, you little pissant.

I'm old, not deaf.

- Is that your boyfriend?

- Absolutely not, Dennis.

Good.

[announcer] Now batting, Red Sox

number 16, Andrew Benintendi.

[Harper] Let's frigging get that!

I'm gonna take a picture of you

and post it on Tinder.

You know, guys love girls

who like sports.

- Are you kidding me?

- They do.

They think they like girls liking sports.

They like a girl in a tight sports jersey

serving wings

and getting terms wrong.

Guys like girls

who like guys who like sports.

- Got it? Oh!

- Kirsten's here!

[announcer] Number 31, Aaron Hicks

steps into the batter's box.

- Hey.

- Oh, hi.

- This is a weird coincidence.

- Here we go.

- I hope you took the stairs.

- How else would I get here?

No, I mean, because nobody...

Nobody peed.

- You know?

- Ah. Yes.

Yeah.

[organ music playing]

- You here by yourself?

- Uh, I'm supposed to meet a colleague.

Yeah, me, too. An investor.

I guess he's stuck in traffic.

- [announcer] Swings and misses.

- [Kirsten] Come on!

- You know his slider drops like that!

- Be elite! Come on!

[man] Ice-cold beer!

Get your ice-cold beer here!

You're welcome to take this seat

until my colleague gets here.

It's the best seat in the stadium.

Actually, it's just

the most expensive seat.

From where I'm sitting,

you hear both coaches better.

But you're welcome to sit here

until my colleague arrives.

[bat cracks, then crowd cheering]

[announcer] Single down the right field

line, the Yankees score a run.

Thank you.

Wait. Oh, yeah!

That is what I'm talking about!

[announcer] All right, Yankees fans,

pucker up.

- It's happening.

- Come on.

["Power of Love" playing on speakers]

All right. It's Kirsten and Rick!

I told you he'd find them.

All right. Come on.

Come on.

- [announcer] No need to be shy.

- We're not together. We're just...

- They're not gonna kiss.

- What?

- [announcer] We're waiting.

- Come on.

Share the love.

[crowd booing]

They were nervous.

If they gave them more time...

I know, I know.

- [announcer] How about you guys?

- [Charlie] Give them more time!

Boo!

- [announcer] That's the spirit.

- Boo!

What's your problem?

- Who are you?

- For a different reason.

[announcer]

Who's next? There we go. There we go.

Stronger and harder

Than a bad girl's dream

[announcer] And back to our first couple.

Care to reconsider? Last chance.

No, okay. Oh, kiss, kiss. It's the law!

[Harper and Charlie] Kiss, kiss, kiss.

- Kiss, kiss, kiss.

- [crowd booing]

- Oh, my God. Why?

- I don't know.

Should we send them popcorn or something?

[announcer]

And a kiss for Mom. Sweet.

- Come on. Come on.

- Come on.

- [all chanting] Kiss, kiss, kiss.

- We did it already.

Kiss, kiss, kiss.

- Kiss, kiss, kiss.

- All right.

Kiss, kiss, kiss.

[both cheering]

- Yeah!

- Yes!

We have no e-mails.

Well, it's hard to bark orders

when your tongue is down someone's throat.

- That's true.

- We're free. The world's our oyster.

- We're free. Have fun with Suze.

- You, too.

- Are you taking the...?

- You taking the 4?

Kind of wasted that high-five.

Hello.

Any sports moments make you cry?

[Lefti's "City Heart"

playing over speakers]

[shouting]

Yeah.

Oh, my goodness. Who are you?

I'm sorry, Kirsten, the 3 train stalled,

then there was a new barista,

and she didn't know the milk your coffee...

She didn't...

[cell phone buzzing]

- Rick's not here.

- [Harper] Neither is Kirsten.

What if a psychopath saw them

on the Kiss Cam

and followed them home and murdered them?

Legally, where are we in that scenario?

Please, I have watched enough Law & Order

to know that we are absolutely,

- 100 percent, no doubt about it...

- Morning.

I could use some coffee.

You mind getting me a flat white?

Would I mind?

It'd be my honor.

Harper, my office.

- I spent the night with a man.

- A man. You spent the night with... Hmm?

Oh, wow, that's amazing. You get it, girl.

We did not sleep together.

We did everything but.

I'm not the kind of person who sleeps

with people on the first date anymore.

- Right.

- I guess it had been a while.

Longer than I realized.

I don't think they should hear that.

The waiting was almost tantric.

What?

Even when he was being gentle,

I could sense a possibility of strength

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