Sex After Kids Page #10

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Mommy, mommy, mommy!

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah...

- Hey.

- Hey.

I'm sorry...

Oh, do we have Mom's Group?

No, no. I just, um,

I forgot my sippy cup last time.

Oh, right.

Is now a bad time, or...

No, no. I was, um,

just getting my laundry on.

Sweet enough?

You never told me what you

thought about my pictures.

Oh, you know, I think the, the

busboys might have taken them.

I couldn't find them.

No, they didn't.

They have their own.

Of course they do.

You look like you need a hug.

- No, I'm okay. That's... that...

- Just, just, just a little one.

There, is that better?

So how's stuff at home? Is it

just, like, crazy with the kid?

Oh, yeah. Things at home

are pretty crazy, yeah.

Both my siblings, they have

toddlers running around

And I just don't know how they find

time to f***, you know what I mean?

Well, there's more important

things in the world...

Huh uh. I am not gonna let my

kid mess with my love life.

That's for f***in' sure.

Yeah, well you say that now,

but you don't know.

No, when my kid is sucking on

their soother,

I'm going to be sucking...

Okay.

Hi.

This is not okay.

Why? Why, we're just talking?

This is not talking.

Yes it is. It's body language.

You smell really nice.

I taste nice too.

It's okay.

It's okay, just relax.

Just do whatever you want.

What am I doing?

I'm not even close to my house.

Hey... okay.

So, let me get this straight.

She drugged you?

You know, it sounds worse

than it was.

Oh, my gosh.

She knows where I live.

I let her around my kid!

No, you can't tell her

I told you.

Look, it was...

I'm sure it was an accident.

What does it matter? You're not

going to see her again.

Tell me you're not

going to see her again.

Look, she's kind of awesome.

So she's messed up.

Who isn't, right?

Oh, my God. You can't possibly

be this hard up for sex.

No. Sex is easy. You can get it

anywhere, it's...

Maybe you can get it anywhere.

So can you.

Oh, I'll be back.

Hey, you.

- Hey.

- Hey.

She's back down.

All right, good.

What's that?

Oh, uh. I heard your laundry

ding, so I switched it for you.

I hope that's not...

Honey?

What's wrong?

We have to talk.

It's much easier to fantasize

about someone

You're not angry with

for missing supper

Or leaving wet towels

on the floor.

Someone who is sexually

available

When your partner's not.

When the excitement goes

out of your relationship,

You can't help but want it back

in some form.

You can talk it out, but

that's... that's hard work.

You have to say, out loud, things

that are uncomfortable and honest.

It's so much easier to check out

and find something new

And exciting along the way.

But, the fact that

you're here is good.

The fact that you're talking

is good.

This is a place where most couples

don't even attempt to get to.

That's not something that's

going to be solved over night.

This is the first step.

But if you don't, if you don't

take that step...

You're not going anywhere.

Okay!

Where'd ya' go, sexy?

Right here... oh!

Hi, honey.

I didn't know you and

Oops would be home.

Oh, f***! I'm sorry!

Well, you know what? Next

time write...

"Screwing a f***ing whore"

On the calendar

beside the fridge.

I am sorry. I...

And you know another thing?

Stop calling him Oops.

I hate it

when you call him Oops.

Okay. Okay. I promise I will

never call him that again.

Oh, it doesn't

even matter, Sean,

Because you're never gonna

see him again.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

I'm being ridiculous?

- I'm being ridiculous?

- Yes.

Who is the one who was having a

mid-life crisis on the same bed

Where his son was conceived?

This transition has been big.

Look at the big picture

here, right.

Look at it, think about it.

You can't tell me that you

were over the moon

About everything that you

had to give up

That meant something

to you because of some kid.

He's not some kid, you prick.

He's our kid.

He's this little bundle

of amazingness

And you don't even realize it

Because you can't see the

things that you have, okay?

You only see the things

you used to have.

No...

Well if you want

that life back,

You can go ahead

and you can take it

Because I don't f***ing,

I don't-I don't want it

anymore.

Oh, come on. Ms. Superior.

You can't look me in the eye

and tell me that you don't

Realize that

every single minute

That you try to

put him to sleep

Is a minute you're never

going to get back again.

Huh?

C'mon it's like

he's stealing your life away

One stupid

children's story at a time.

They're not stupid, Sean.

What do you mean they're

not stupid?!

Come on...

What kind of a brother

comes over a hill,

Sees a troll, and says "No,

no, don't eat me. "

Wait for my brother who's

coming up right behind me. "

What the hell kind of lesson

is that?

And, and who the hell says,

what is it?

"Not by the hair of my

chinny, chin-chin. "

What the hell is that?!

Come on.

Honey, be honest with

yourself.

Deep down we both want

the same things.

See, that's just it, Sean.

I don't think that we do.

You are...

You're just a sad...

Old man whose trying to hold

onto his youth.

You're a house-wife.

C'mon. C'mon, I'm sorry.

Please come back

And we'll, we'll talk.

Please?

Not by the hair of my chinny-

chin chin.

I know this probably makes

no difference to you,

But I didn't know he was

married.

Do you... Do you have some

place that you could go?

I mean, 'cause if you do, you

should...

You should go there and

don't come back.

I mean, that piece of sh*t

he's never going to change.

He... he'll say that he will.

But he won't.

I mean, he'll beg and he'll

plead

But you should just go and

not come back.

I mean do it for...

do it for your son.

Believe me...

Someone who steps out on

their family

Will always step out on their

family.

They're just... broken.

You know, I would... I would

apologize for all of this,

But I, I really think that I did

you a favor.

I mean, now you know what

he is.

And that's a good thing,

right?

So...

You're welcome.

Ooh!

You know what? I, I'm in this

Really awesome moms

group.

I know, I know, but it's just

that it's really nice people.

Great kids. Couple of single

Dads...

Sorry, it's... too soon. I know.

Actually, it's, it's weird.

It's weird. I'm sorry.

Taxi!

You know what?

You take this one.

You, you take it.

- Yeah!

- Yay!

What's that?

- Who's this here?

- Is this thing on?

Oh, hi! Hi, guys!

I'm sorry we missed

the party, but this, this cruise

Was just too good

to pass up.

Happy birthday sweetie,

It's grandma and grandpa,

We're gonna

bring you some...

Something, very special.

We're going to buy you...

- Hi, guys!

- A buffalo!

- What?

- Don't be silly.

They say they love you,

and they'll see you soon.

- Okay babe?

- Mama?

Yeah... well, mama

couldn't make it.

Jude! Come play!

- Pretty cute.

- She is cute.

I think I'm gonna take

Ephraim

To a movie after this.

What do you think?

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