Sex After Kids Page #9

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Okay... come on...

Oh, yeah. Hi, hi.

Is, is Marcy there, please?

Oh, I really do need

to speak to Marcy.

Okay. Um, right.

Well, my friend and I having

a little debate and, um,

I thought maybe I could

ask you that if, um,

If I tell you something

sort of, say, dodgy...

Do you have to call the police

Or do we have some sort of

doctor/patient thing on the go?

Oh you do. Yeah.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

So that's what I'll tell her.

Okay. That's great. Thanks.

Oh, you've been great.

Okay. Bye!

F***!

Oh, God.

Why do you have to be so big?

Harder!

Harder?

I just need you

to help me with him.

I'm not sure I can be

a part of this, I'm an illegal.

It's partially your fault.

You're the one

who had the Valium.

Are you being serious right now?

Oh...

Pey, we can't

just leave him here.

So, deal with it.

But, I can't.

Yes, you can.

Look.

You're a smart capable woman.

You just do stupid things

Because you don't think

you're good enough.

It's embarrassing.

Oh, I'm embarrassing?

You're the one who's illegally

in the country

Cause you've pissed away every

friend and penny you ever had.

You're a loser too, Peyton.

We both are.

Hey, don't talk to me like mom

and dad did, all right?

We're better than that.

Oh, yeah. This from a guy who

googles

How to take care of a baby on

the internet.

Yeah, well at least

I'm doing something.

I mean, you can barely touch her

half the time.

That's not true!

I'm just so afraid

I'll mess her up, Pey.

Look. We had shitty parents.

They didn't give

a f*** about us.

So what?

You turned out great.

Don't you know that?

No. Nobody's ever told me that.

You see, that's just it.

You don't have to be told

how good you are,

You just need to know it.

You see that girl upstairs?

She doesn't know that we don't

know what the f*** we're doing.

But she can have it better

than we did.

We can do that for her.

And besides.

I just told you.

Ohh.

Lou?

"I'm really, really sorry

I drugged you. "

Well, that's nice.

# What do you do

# With a sky so blue?

# Fields all a green

# Where the stream

runs through...

I met someone who's really nice

at work, but...

# If it all flew away

# And the sky

turned to Grey...

# I'd stay

# How do you hold

# all the sun's great gold

# Fields all a green

# Where the stream unfolds

# If it all flew away

# and the sky turned to Grey

# I'd stay

I completely understand

why you felt

The daddy comments were

inappropriate... thank you.

And I can categorically assure

you that it won't happen again.

I think delving into it any

further would be excessive,

Though if you need anything more

from me by way of apology

I would be happy to proved that.

Pressing on, I'm delighted

that you called me

And that we've reconnected...

# If all words fell away

# And there was no way to say

# I'd stay

# With you

# So you'd see

# Oh, how strong

Oh, how true

# Is my love, love, love

# For...

# You...

Do you need some help?

I'm all right.

Besides, you're busy.

You're just passing through.

Well...

What if I said I wasn't?

I need to be able to do this.

Okay.

Let's have a song,

shall we?

Hi there, Mr. Anti-Social.

Hi, kiddo.

You didn't have any dessert.

I'm, I wasn't hungry.

So, you, you enjoying

the big city?

Yes. So much more my speed.

Yeah, it's pretty slow

around here, huh?

Well, no.

It's just an acquired taste.

So are you gonna tell me what

you're all whiny about?

Everything's fine.

Is it, like,

a mid-life crisis thing or...

No, it's nothing like that.

- Are you sure?

- Yes.

Because mom shaved her p*ssy.

What! Is she like

showing everybody?

Ew, gross. No.

She didn't like show me it.

She just asked me where I got

mine done and so I told her.

Okay. That's enough.

I don't need to hear any of this.

I'm the father!

I know that you're my father...

But you don't need

to be my daddy anymore.

Look, like I moved out, so...

Don't you think that it's time

for our relationship to...

I don't know... mature?

We can talk about

grown-up stuff now.

Is that like, so crazy for you?

That we're grown-ups now?

No...

I remember when you guys were

little and the three of you

Were out playing

in the yard one day

And I actually asked myself,

"Whose kids are those?

Cause they can't be mine!"

Dad, you were the best.

At the time, I just thought that

I would never get used to it.

But now... now...

Now I'm stuck.

Aw.

Your mother wants

to have anal sex.

Oh, my God! Dad!

Well, what do I do?

Anal? I don't know!

Well, should I do it?

Jesus Chri... Dad, no!

I... I cannot have...

I can't have this conversation

with you. That's...

Sweetie, please! I need you.

I mean, what can I do?

This is too much for me.

Okay...

Okay, well just...

Keep an open mind...

So you're saying I should?

Oh, my God. I don't know!

I'm not like giving you

my stamp of approval, I just...

Um, just, you should do

what you have to do,

And then we should never

talk about it ever again.

Okay.

Okay...

Well, should I get some

lubricant?

God, daddy. I can't.

Did she leave

without saying goodbye?

Oh, God! Horton!

Why are you naked?

Because I can be.

You scared the hell out of me.

Shut up.

Excuse me.

Let's f***.

Now?

Yeah. Now. Right here.

On the floor.

Because we can.

That's our new mantra.

We are going to do

everything we want to do.

Because we can.

Well, I love the sounds of that.

What are your thoughts

on butt plugs?

Um... Can we start slow?

Yes, we can.

He's asleep?

Mhmm.

What I said the other night...

No, it's fine. It's true.

Oh, don't make me hate myself.

Believe it or not,

I can't control

How you feel about yourself.

Hit me back.

No.

You're his mother

just as much as I am.

I'm a glorified aunt.

- Oh, stop it. That's not true.

- Yes, it is.

- No, it's not.

- Yes, it is!

Wow. Are we even now?

No. No we're not.

Cause I can never be

what you are.

I can never feel what you felt,

And I f***ing resent you for it.

Do you feel better now?

You're an amazing mother.

F*** you, I'm not!

I'm a control freak and you know

what the worst part of it is?

I feel like I have to be because if

I'm not, if I'm not a control freak,

Then who the hell am I

to both of you?

And what if you realize that

you've made a mistake,

What if you realize that you...

That you don't need me.

Oh, you don't honestly

believe that?

Yeah...

I do, actually.

You... you nurture

and, and stimulate him.

So you couldn't carry him?

So f***ing what?

I mean, God, I don't know

if you remember this

But I was a f***ing nightmare

the entire time

And I resented the sh*t out of

you because you couldn't do it.

I'm a mom because of DNA.

You're a mom because

that's who you are.

You said to me the other night

That, that I haven't

been there for him...

No, I'm sorry. That's not true.

I know.

It's you that I haven't been

there for.

How you doing?

I'm great.

Mommy, mommy, mommy.

I'm on it.

Mommy, where are you?

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