Sex And Breakfast Page #3

is an idiot

and he's just not

sending me out

on anything.

I'm stuck in L.A.

I definitely cannot go

back home to my parents.

Well, you're a very

devoted person.

Well, thank

you very much.

That's very kind.

Hi.

Excuse me. Hey.

Oh, god, I'm so sorry.

Yeah, of course.

I'm sorry.

Um--

Thank you.

Um, call me sometime.

I would love to talk

some more.

Yeah? I will.

Okay.

What the f***

was that?

Betty's an actress.

It was interesting

talking to her.

Really?

Betty.

Not a lot of unemployed

actresses here in L.A.

Come on. I wasn't

hitting on her.

I thought it would

turn you on.

Otherwise I wouldn't

have said anything, okay?

Here's your bill.

Coffees are on me.

Thank you so much.

No, seriously,

thank you.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

You were rude to her.

Yes, I was.

I have worked magic

on you before.

Yes, I know, baby.

Supercock.

Those are

your words.

Am l?

Shut up.

I love your penis.

Do you?

Oh, yeah.

[chuckles]

So, Charlie.

I hear you're

in the Air Force.

Yeah, I am.

You on a flight crew?

No. I'm a land vehicle

mechanic, actually.

Oh.

Is it any fun?

Yeah. Why?

Just making

conversation.

Yeah, it's cool.

So, uh, you work

on cars and trucks?

Yeah, well, I'm

a sort of a trained

killer mechanic.

Did you ever have

to kill someone while

you're changing a tire?

No. No, but l

could if I had to.

I do a lot of private

training, so--

Yeah?

What kinds?

Judo, karate, boxing,

Kung Fu, Jujitsu,

short range knife fighting,

long range knife throwing,

sharp shooting, rifle

sharp shooting, bow

and arrow defense.

Bow and

arrow defense.

Yes.

People still use those?

Of course they do.

When?

Why, all the time.

On ranges.

Yeah. But under

what circumstances

would you need to use

a bow and arrow?

Well, if you were trapped

in nature and needed

to kill to survive.

Kill what?

Anything really.

Food.

Bears.

Indians.

Mother f***er!

Just let it go.

He didn't see you.

He saw.

What an a**hole.

[door opens]

Sh*t.

Charlie, get back

in the car!

Remember what

happened last time?

Last time?

Charlie, nothing

happened.

Get in the car and

we'll get out of

here, all right?

Sixey, come on.

Yeah, come on, Sixey.

Excuse me.

What the f***

do you want?

You really should watch

where you're going.

Road safety is a

very important part

of being a responsible

driver, shitface.

Hey, whoa. All right,

we don't want any

trouble, all right?

But I think

we got some.

Please. Let's

just get back

in the car.

Yeah, man, no reason

to fight over this,

all right?

You stay out of this.

Sucker punch.

What an a**hole.

Yeah, you could

have taken him.

Of course

I could have.

Would you pull over?

I got to go.

What?

Go. You know, piss.

It's pretty bad.

Where?

I don't know.

Do you wanna

see a doctor?

No. No doctors.

All right.

Just pull over.

I can go on the

side of the road.

This is Beverly Hills.

There's cops everywhere.

No cop's going to

arrest me for that.

I'll be fast.

I promise.

You sure you don't wanna

find a convenience store?

Maybe get ice on that eye?

Dude, I'm fine.

Whatever you say.

You dated him?

I hope you didn't

sleep with him.

I can't believe I'm

in the same company

as that guy.

That's none of

your business.

He's pissing on

Ryan Seacrest's lawn.

Just be quiet.

I don't want you

embarrassing him.

What could I possibly

do to embarrass

him? Look at him.

I was different.

I was looking for

a different thing.

Yeah, but that guy?

At least he stands

up for himself.

Are you f***ing

joking?

When you said he was

in the Air Force, he

was a dignified guy.

A**holes like that don't

travel to visit a girl

they used to f*** if

they don't think they're

gonna get laid again.

He made you come, right?

You should sack the Sack

again to see if it works.

You think I had him

come here? You think

I set this up?

See? No cops.

What?

Nothing.

Are you guys fighting

or something?

So Nutsack, want to hit

the E. R. on the way home?

Or should we call it a night?

What did you

call me?

Six-pack--

I called you Nutsack.

You know why?

No. Why?

You act like

a shithead.

F*** you.

You're a shithead.

All right,

that's enough!

You're a shithead.

(Renee)

Just kill it!

Hey. Give me

a piece of paper.

A piece of paper!

Go give me that one!

Give me that one.

Come on!

Just wait.

I'll get one.

Man, he's a monster.

Go!

Hey. Who are

you calling?

I wanna see if Betty

wants to go get

some dinner.

This late?

I'm hungry.

What's the problem?

I'll only be gone for

a couple of hours.

You know what

I'm worried about?

What?

What if I finish

right away?

I mean, you know,

when we're in the, uh--

I know what

you mean.

What do you think

about that?

Well, I think you'd

better try not to.

I mean, you don't want

the other guy getting

all the attention

while you're

just watching

handicapped.

F***.

I know.

Maybe she could do

a monologue for us.

She's an actress, right?

I'm gonna ask her to

act something for us.

You know, just so

we have some idea

how good she is.

Don't embarrass me.

I wouldn't

dream of it.

Hey!

I'm so glad you

guys could make it.

It's nice to properly

meet you, Ellis.

It's very nice

to meet you,

too, Betty.

Come on in.

Thanks.

Ah, cool place.

Thank you.

Hey, you guys

like Thai vegan?

There's this really

good 24-hour place.

Ooh, I love vegan.

Isn't it refreshing?

I like moo shu pork.

They have that?

[laughs]

You know, I just, um,

rolled a fatty. You

guys wanna smoke?

Ooh, that sounds

like fun.

I'll smoke.

Are you sure?

Oh, yeah.

I'm sure.

Fire that up.

All right, Rasta.

This is done.

(Betty)

Put it out.

Is something

wrong, Ellis?

No.

[clears throat]

Why is everybody

so quiet?

No, nothing. No.

No, no. no. no.

No, no, no,

no, what?

This is my girlfriend.

And we're gonna get

married someday.

Oh, that's great.

Oh, Jesus.

I'm not gonna let you

come between us.

She's mine.

We live together.

We love each other.

And no lesbo unemployed

actress/waitress is gonna

keep me from her.

You can f*** her.

But you can't have her.

What the hell is

he talking about?

Ellis, shut up.

No. I love you and I'm

defending my love.

You see, Betty,

you don't have

a supercock.

You may think that

you are at some kind of

advantage because of that

but no,

Renee's no dyke.

She's not. She may

not know that now,

but tomorrow,

tomorrow it'll be

clear as hell to her

that it's only my

and only my f***ing

supercock for her

from now on!

Hey, I'm really sorry.

Are you still hungry?

'Cause I could

really eat now.

Hey, it's Heather.

I'm not here right

now. Leave a message.

[grunts]

F***!

You can never

have too much

of this stuff.

Honey, I love you.

I'll pay for the screen

in the laundry room.

What screen?

Well, you see, I broke

into the building to

see you tonight.

Yeah, yeah, I'm

a resourceful guy.

Thanks for noticing.

(woman)

What are you doing?

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