Sex Guaranteed Page #7

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I'm finding Annie.

It's Angie.

It doesn't matter what her

name is. I'm finding her.

Maybe we could just take like small break.

No. Look, something's

gotta work here, okay?

I mean, love... it has to mean something.

I need to know

that in this world it's not

just pure, disappointing sh*t.

And I don't care what you two do,

but I'm going to Annie's.

I got a plan.

Andale.

[Kevin] Just up here on the left.

Maybe we should just ring the doorbell.

You said she won't talk to you.

- So, what are we doing here?

- Waiting?

- For what?

- For someone to let us in.

Burglars don't have balloons.

I gotta piss. Hold on to these, will you?

What...

This is a bad idea.

- Why?

- You don't even like her.

You're just caught up in the obsession.

You think you're in love but

it's just this stab of rejection.

Do you wanna be with her?

Really, with her?

I'm going in.

Why? What's so great about her?

You don't have anything to say?

Okay.

Well, good luck with that.

[doorknob clicking]

See? Magic.

- [Hank] Well, hello there. How are you?

- [lady] Oh, is it my birthday?

It is, happy birthday, darling.

[Kevin] Hey, I don't

think I want the balloons.

Lose 'em. Come on.

Is that it?

- Well, go and knock then.

- I know.

You got this.

Be firm.

Be aggressive, Kev.

Angie.

[Angie] Oh. [chuckles]

- What are you doing here?

- Okay, listen.

I've come to tell you that I think

that you're, you're like sunsets

- in Montana.

- Oh, god.

- You're like...

- Kevin...

- No, just hear me out, okay?

- Who is that?

I'm no one.

I'm proud of you.

You're like the poetry or Rumi,

and, and, you have

Einstein-ian proportions,

[stammers] and I like, I

like spending time with you.

- And I treasure you, and...

- [Steve] Hey, Angie. Uh...

Five letter word, starts

with an 'L' insect Steve...

Sounds like Steve.

Is that...

Steve.

What are you doing here, Steve?

Crossword.

What are you doing here, Steve?

What are you doing here?

- What are you doing here, Steve?

- Well, she called me, and...

- She needs some help with her...

- Just tell him.

Listen.

It just happened, Kev.

You're sleeping with her?

- This is just a misunderstanding...

- Yeah, he is.

We're in love.

- Oh, you're in love with her?

- No!

We made some bad decisions and...

Why didn't you tell me?

Listen, we didn't want to hurt you.

[groans]

You said she wasn't good enough for me.

[Steve groans]

And you're right.

You're right. And you,

I didn't mean all that sh*t about Montana.

Okay? Someone told me to say that.

And, uh... I got a blowj*b from that

stripper because I didn't love you enough.

[Kevin] F***!

Stupid.

[knocking at door] [doorknob clicks open]

- Give me the keys.

- Bro, I'm so sorry.

Listen, I'm gonna find you the money

for Trampoline World, all right?

- I think it's a f***ing great...

- Just give me the f***ing keys.

[Steve sighs]

Here.

You can never be a part

of Trampoline World.

Hello. Bet you didn't think

you'd hear from me today.

I'm sorry, I don't know what

to say. I just... I miss you.

And I want you to know

that you were right

about me being in a

wheelchair emotionally.

[voice cracking] I've

learned now that...

I wasn't good enough for you, Karen.

And I'm not even good enough

for this world anymore.

Don't go into the red room, okay?

I keep all my records in the bureau

so that you can have

everything that you want.

Take anything. Leave

what you don't want.

- Uh, Hank's phone?

- [Kevin] Hi, it's me.

I am a giant a**hole.

All right? I made a

huge mistake, and I'd...

- like to take it all back.

- Is Hank with you?

I realize now that you are more

interesting than anything in Montana.

And that any movie or any poetry written...

Just shut up! Where's Hank?

- What?

- Something's wrong with Hank.

What's wrong with Hank?

You have to find him, Kevin.

He's gonna kill himself.

What?

I found a video on his phone.

He's gonna do it. Now. Today.

What? That doesn't make any sense.

He was happy when we left. He...

He thinks Angie and

I got back together.

That's worse. That's what he wanted.

Go to the red room. He said

not to go into the red room.

Hank!

Hank?

Oh, my God, Hank!

[screaming]

Where is Hank?

Get the f*** off of me.

Carl, he might hurt himself,

okay? I need to know where he is.

He's taking a nap.

[shouting] Just like everybody else!

Just tell me where he is!

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Shut up!

What day is it?

Friday.

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, no, God. Oh, God. That can't be good.

F***, Carl! Where's Hank?

I told you, motherf***er!

He's taking a nap!

Hank!

Hank!

Hank!

Hank!

Are you out there?

I'm fine.

I wanted to get a little air is all.

I'm coming up.

It's a long way down, buddy.

Hank, I'm a f***ing roofer.

Good point.

[Kevin] I just... wanna talk.

It's been a frantic last few days, Kevin.

I'm not gonna kill myself if

that's what you're thinking.

That's good.

I just...

wanted to hang out for a while.

You didn't invite me

to this party, remember?

How did it go with Angie?

She was having sex with my brother.

What?

That's basically it.

[sighs] Jesus.

God, I am a waste of space, huh?

And this.

This pen, remember that? I

stole it from that nice nurse.

I mean, I am a f***ing a**hole.

That's not true.

It is true. I'm a dark hole.

I don't make anyone feel good.

Hank, you probably just need some sleep.

Why don't you just come back inside?

Kevin...

you're a good guy.

You are.

But we're not even really friends.

And how sad is that?

Look who was at my party, for example.

Got a bunch of guys I've barely met,

girls that I've paid for and Carl.

Carl, for Christ sakes.

I didn't want this.

I just wanted to go out quietly,

have something good happen before I left.

Something... Something good is happening.

What the f*** are you doing up there?

[Kevin] Zade!

You wanna have sex with me?

Get the f*** down from there!

I should let you know that I'm

not hung up on Angie anymore.

I think I might love... Millicent.

Why?

[Kevin] You're funny.

You're smart.

Brave.

And?

[Kevin] And beautiful.

You're really beautiful even

when you're being disgusting.

You're an idiot.

I know.

I'd still really like to

have sex with you though.

Not gonna happen.

Damn it, Zade.

Stop being such a f***ing prude.

Okay.

See?

Just come back inside

so Zade and I can have sexual intercourse.

You're just saying that

to make me feel better.

Well...

If you don't come back inside and you jump

Zade and I definitely won't have sex.

How about it?

He jumps,

are you still gonna do me?

[Zade] Definitely not.

All right. Enough of this sh*t, huh?

I don't wanna drink anyways. Beer is flat.

- [Kevin] Wait, hold on!

- [Hank screaming]

- Hank!

- Hank!

[choking]

Pull me up, you son of a b*tch!

[choking]

[drum beating]

Is he asleep?

I think so.

There's clean sheets

in the walk-in closet.

Swiss cotton.

Are you sure you want to do this?

Oh, okay.

[moaning]

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