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Shotgun Wedding Page #5
- UNRATED
- Year:
- 2013
- 92 min
- 759 Views
I'm trying to reason
with him.
You just
chopped off his foot.
Why would he
reason with you?
Do something!
F***in' piece of--
[ All Talking At Once ]
[ Groans, Screams ]
[ Yvette ]
Oh, my God!
Oh, f***!
[ Screams ]
[ Yvette ]
Oh, my God!
F*** you people!
[ Grunts ]
[ Groaning ]
F***ing b*tch!
I'll never-- You're going down!
Hey, b*tch! F*** you!
[ Grunting ]
[ Body Thuds ]
What the f*** did
I ever do to you people?
the way of my son's happiness.
I'm not trying to do that.
I don't even know you.
No, no. No, dude! Dude!
We can hang out.
I'm totally cool--
[ Ax Strikes ]
[ Screams ]
- [ Ted ]
I did it again!
- Oh, f***!
Oh, f***!
Just witnessed a murder!
I just filmed
a f***ing murder!
Blaze!
It's not a huge loss,
but it's a human life.
The life of
an award-winning documentarian
is a dangerous one,
but it is the path
I have chosen.
For Blaze.
You okay, Yvette?
Oh.
I'm fine.
Hank.
Well... sure, I--
You're a lady.
Ted, you look like
you could use some rest.
Why don't you go clean up?
Hank and I
can take care of this.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm gonna--
[ Stammers ]
[ Exhales ]
Oh.
[ Door Closes ]
Oh, my goodness.
You're hurt. Oh.
Let me patch you up.
Just let me find something.
Oh, Hank.
Maybe we should finish
cutting him into pieces so--
You are such a boy.
Take your shirt off.
Leave your top off.
Whoa!
Oh!
[ Crash ]
[ Laughs, Growling ]
[ Both Laughing ]
[ Pop ]
[ Fades ]
[ Hip-hop On Speakers ]
It's-- It's really
not necessary, Marvin.
We could just
put on the radio.
[ Scoffs ] Listen, when
you hire DJ Awesome-sauce,
you get the full package.
I know how to set the mood
for some lady pamperin'!
[ Continues ]
He's been through a lot
in the war.
He was such
[ Record Scratching ]
You're doing
a wonderful job, Marvin.
Aunt Barbara!
[ Chuckles ]
Oh, my gosh.
I hate to bring this up,
but at some point...
you're gonna have to
consider just replacing Pensee.
You need a fully functioning
maid of honor
bouquet management
and train wrangling.
Oh, hey.
Where have you been?
Are you okay?
- Oh. I am great.
- Oh.
What's not to love on a...
perfect day like this?
Knock, knock, knock.
Is everybody decent?
- Oh. Ladies.
- [ All ]
Hi.
I know it's bad luck
for the groom to see the bride,
but it's just my bad luck
that I am not the groom.
[ All Chuckle ]
Seriously, I came
to deliver this.
Oh. Well, thank you.
What a lovely package.
[ Rosemary ]
You didn't have to
do that. Thank you.
Oh!
Yes.
Yeah, I know
it's your favorite.
whenever I smell it,
I still--
[ Exhales ]
think of you.
I was thinking you could
wear it for the ceremony.
Oh.
- Y-Y-Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
Thank you.
My pleasure.
Absolute pleasure.
[ Chuckles ]
- Is that chardonnay?
- [ Rosemary ]
Please.
- Mother.
- Yo. Sully.
Hey, Steve. I'm getting
some pretty good stuff, man.
Okay. Good, good.
Great. Great.
Uh, listen.
You... seen Blaze around?
He's probably
around here somewhere
getting high.
- You know how he does it.
- Yeah.
- But his phone's
going to voice mail.
- [ Sighs, Scoffs ]
- F***in' Blaze. Always been
a little unreliable, right?
- Yeah.
Trust me, bro.
Never gonna hire
that b*tch again.
Is it just me,
going on here today?
I mean, people are actually
starting to avoid the cameras.
Hey. Look.
Just-- Just--
Just stay on task,
okay, Sully?
It's just you and me
now, man.
Forever.
Hey. Proud of you.
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
And I mean that.
- Thank you.
- Proud.
- I feel it.
Okay. All right.
- Hey, and whatever you do,
just don't stop filming.
- Okay.
Okay? Keep that sh*t
rolling.
I will.
At all times.
Okay. Okay.
Mika, look how pretty
Mommy looks, hmm?
[ Barking ]
How are you, Mika?
Huh?
[ Gasps ]
Ted. You scared the sh*t
out of me.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- [ Barks ]
- Are you drunk?
No! No. No.
What have you
been doing?
I can't tell you.
It's a secret.
We don't keep secrets.
- Hi, Mika.
- Secrets.
Hi, Mika. I can't tell anyone.
I promised. It'll ruin
the entire wedding.
Fine. You and Robert
are up to some lamebrained
scheme then?
You don't have to tell me.
[ Mika Barks ]
Robert shot Pensee,
and she fell out of a window
and she died.
The cameraman saw it
and I had to hit him
in the head with a rock,
but then he didn't die,
so I chopped him in the head
with an ax!
And Yvette made me promise
not to say anything
until the wedding was over,
since Pensee would have wanted
it that way, for Rosemary
to have a perfect day.
And if you divorce me,
I won't fight you. You can
have everything. I'm sorry.
Pensee's dead?
Super dead.
That means Rosemary's going
to need a new maid of honor.
Sure.
You need to get cleaned up
and into your suit. The pictures
are about to happen.
And, Ted?
What?
Fix your hair.
I'll put water on it.
Mika?
Mommy has to go!
She's about to be promoted
to maid of honor!
[ Squeals, Laughs ]
[ Pop ]
Robert, Rosemary,
you're gonna be
the most beautiful couple
ever in history.
And I love you
very, very much.
Rosemary, listen to this.
This is gold, okay?
We went to an obedience class
with our dog,
but secretly, I was
listening to the trainer...
because I thought,
"I might be able to use these
skills in real life."
And it worked.
We-- We love you.
Say something else.
Does this remind you
of something?
[ Both Laughing ]
- You know--
- I mean, food incentive
is everything to a man.
[ Laughing ]
Robert. Robert.
Robert and Rosemary,
I think the foundation
of a good marriage...
is sex.
[ Continues ]
Love, love.
[ Chuckles ]
Just stop it.
Okay.
She knows.
I told her everything.
I'm sorry.
[ Grunting ]
What is wrong with you?
She seems cool
with it though.
She does?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, people.
I charge by the second, okay,
so all eyes on me.
Um, we are missing somebody.
Somebody in white?
[ All Oohing ]
[ Rosemary ]
Hi.
Oh, wait. Where is--
Where's Pensee?
She's seriously
still not down yet?
Oh, uh-- She must still
be feeling sick.
- [ Sighs ]
- Actually-- Oh, I hate
telling you this,
but she left.
She told me that this place
was total lamesville...
and that she had to go
find a place...
to get drunk and find a guy
and have casual sex with him.
Uh, that doesn't sound
like Pensee.
Actually, she said
the same thing to me,
and she wasn't wearing
any panties, so--
It might be time for you
to choose a new maid of honor.
It's just--
You know, I don't think
she's coming back.
Violet, will you
step in for Pensee
while I figure all this out?
- Of course.
- Thank you.
Okay, yay. Crisis averted.
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"Shotgun Wedding" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 30 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/shotgun_wedding_18055>.
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