Shotgun Wedding Page #6

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Okay, picture time, okay? Um--

If we could clear

a path here...

and everyone gather

around the trunk.

This will be

a beautiful shot of you guys.

Are we-- You know, are we

sure that we want to take

the pictures here?

Isn't it a little--

I don't know-- tacky?

- Tacky, right?

- What's tacky about it?

You know, I--

I think that it's

this trunk, actually.

What if we took the pictures

over there? Look over there.

Wouldn't it be beautiful

if we took the pictures

over by those trees?

If you feel that strongly

about it, why don't we

just move the trunk?

Yes. Move the trunk.

Pay no attention to me.

Women, right?

Let's just

take the pictures.

[ Photographer ]

Yeah, let's take the pictures.

I love that idea.

[ Shutter Clicking ]

Love it.

Everyone, here, here.

Intense, intense.

Yes. Hide that secret.

Keep that secret. I love it.

Yes, yes. I just did

something really bad

and nobody knows.

Okay, now I need the groomsmen,

all you boys.

Okay, hold on.

Okay, we're losing light.

So can you guys move the bench

a few feet to the left?

- Oh, yeah.

I got it.

- No, no, no.

I got it.

Let me do it.

[ Mutters ]

[ Photographer ]

I don't care who does it.

[ Grunts ]

Why is this so heavy?

Well, uh--

...heavy in here.

Say, Hank--

Can I call you Hank?

May I just say,

Hank, uh--

[ Chattering ]

[ Mouths Words ]

You know what? You know what?

This is what we're gonna do.

I'm just gonna sit here

for all these, okay?

Just like this.

You know what?

Ted's gonna sit here too.

Just the two of us on the b--

Hey, come on. Come on.

Everybody on top.

Just like this for the rest of

the photos. They're all gonna

look like this, okay?

[ Shutter Clicking ]

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter.

- [ Photographer ]

Okay. Let's stand up.

- No, no. I like this look.

That's my big thing.

How about we stand up,

Robert?

Hey, red! Hey, red!

Take the shot, red!

Clickity-click.

Clickity-click it.

[ Photographer ]

There has been

a lot of sitting.

Happy. Yay!

We're getting married.

It's not a funeral.

Robert. Robert. Robert.

Mm-hmm?

Hey.

Hey.

Today's our wedding day.

I know.

I want you to be here.

I'm here.

With me. Okay? Did something

happen last night?

[ Shutter Clicking ]

No.

What's going on?

[ Photographer ] Okay.

Maybe after

we're done here,

we can just have a moment,

just the two of us?

Yeah.

Just like you and I,

away from everybody else?

I would love that.

I would love that.

Just you and me.

You mean that?

Yeah. Of course.

I'd like that. Okay?

[ Groaning ]

[ Urinating ]

[ Guests Chattering ]

[ Woman ] Yes.

I don't think

she knew him that well.

[ Man ]

Tons of phrases.

"Shut your yap."

Oh. Hey.

We're so glad

to have you here.

Part of my--

And--

[ Clears Throat ]

Psst.

Robert.

[ Clears Throat ]

We gotta talk.

[ Exhales ]

I hate to be

the bearer of bad news,

but there are

some shady operations

going on around here.

Like what?

This morning, when I went

to be with the guns,

like any other morning,

it looked as if

the lock had been forced.

And a shotgun

had been fired.

That's probably just some kids.

Then, after that,

there's been

disappearances.

Pensee.

I went by her room,

where she's supposedly

crippled with the runs.

But when I broke in,

she wasn't there.

And her toilet...

was clean.

And one of the cameramen

is missing too.

I've been

gathering evidence,

recording everything

with my spy cam.

Oh, sh--

[ Chuckling ]

And I think I've

pretty much figured out

who's responsible.

F*** me.

Who?

[ Imitates Gunshot ]

Ted?

Look in his eyes.

I've seen that

before.

That's a man who's

just been in the sh*t

for the first time.

I'll shadow him.

No, no, no, no.

No, no.

No, don't follow him.

No, no, it can't be Ted

because Ted's been

with me all day.

So-- You know

who it could be?

You know who it could be?

Declan!

Rosemary's

handsome English ex?

He's not that handsome.

He's cute.

But-- No!

Pensee and the cameraman

and Declan together.

A nefarious scheme

to ruin the wedding.

Yeah.

He said some suspicious

stuff earlier.

And then he laughed like--

[ Sinister Laughter ]

Okay,

that's suspicious.

Yeah.

I'm on the case.

Go get 'em.

Yeah.

Make love to the camera.

Or me. Love it.

We can chop her up later.

That'll make it really look

like a Mexican drug cartel.

- We can mix and match.

- Mom. Mom. Dad. Mom.

Why is Pensee's car

in the "you know"?

Oh.

Honey, I didn't know

they were gonna use

the "you know" in the pictures.

But don't worry about it.

Your father and I

will dispose of it.

I asked you

to keep an eye on her, Dad,

not to help her.

I haven't taken

my eyes off her once.

[ Laughing ]

You're so sweet.

Thanks.

What-- What--

What's going on, guys?

You guys hate each other.

We can't rekindle

our old flame?

- Mmm!

- Mm-mmm-mmm!

[ Giggling ]

Ew!

Where was this attitude

when I was 12?

Would've saved me

a lot of trips

to the school counselor.

Oh, honey, don't you see

that everything-- everything

happens for a reason.

There's magic

in the air.

Magic.

Magic. Magic.

We're all going to jail!

Hey!

[ Groans ]

And Marvin--

Marvin knows too,

by the way.

He knows

something's going on.

Maybe I should

have your father, um,

talk to him.

No. No!

Marvin is harmless.

Okay?

I sent him

on a wild-goose chase.

All right?

Hey, you guys,

no more doing anything.

No more helping.

You think of doing something,

you do the different. Okay?

This is my wedding,

my rules. Promise me!

Promise me!

Don't do anything! Promise!

Okay.

Okay.

- Okay?

- All right.

Okay.

Calm down.

He's so excitable.

I know.

I don't know where he--

[ Laughs ]

Where did you learn

to dance like this?

[ Rock ]

[ Marvin ]

Swift, silent and deadly.

Hey!

Hey.

[ Grunting ]

Has my future husband

made a little time for me?

All the time in the world.

Yeah, right.

Ho-ho! Whoa!

Robert.

Just wanted to let you know--

I have taken care of it.

You can rest easy.

Good. Great. Thanks.

Wait. What?

Take care of what?

El problemo...

with "Eclan"...

acting "espicious."

- Es no problemo.

- I know what that means.

Why don't you take a look

at that picture of...

that guy...

I was telling you about,

doing that funny thing.

Don't look,

Rosemary.

What's wrong?

Oh, that's

the cutest little kitten

I've ever seen.

[ Laughing ]

Do you remember

that kitten?

Baby. Baby, I'm so sorry.

I'm gonna be right back.

No. No. No.

I gotta go look at some

pictures of the kittens.

There's so many kittens!

Robert!

Oh, look at the pictures

of the kittens!

[ Grunting ]

Unbelievable.

[ Grunting ]

Ohh.

I didn't ask you...

to kidnap him.

Just doing

my duty.

He's been keeping quiet

about his plans...

and where his coconspirators

are hiding.

Oh, my--

But I will

get it out of him.

[ Chuckles ]

I have been waiting to do this

to an enemy combatant...

for a while.

No, you can't torture him! Okay?

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