Shotgun Wedding Page #8

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[ Knocking ]

- Elizabeth? It's Violet.

- [ Groans ]

Oh! Cute dog.

Um, have you seen

Rosemary?

She's running around everywhere,

and she's gonna get

her dress all dirty.

Just trying to find her.

Shouldn't a maid of honor

keep more careful track

of her bride?

Wow.

So, you were a b*tch

to Pensee all weekend,

and now you're gonna be

a b*tch to me?

I'm sorry that you and Rosemary

aren't best friends anymore.

Get over yourself.

[ Elizabeth Gasps ]

You know what?

You're right.

Rosemary's

in Yvette's room.

She told me to tell you

not even to knock.

Just head right in.

Thank you.

Your room

smells like vomit,

by the way. Ugh.

[ Yipping ]

[ Grumbles, Sighs ]

[ Cackling ]

[ Laughing ]

[ Squeals ]

You did something.

What did you do?

[ Barks ]

[ Guests Chattering ]

[ Steve ]

Just maybe toss the bangs

a little bit in front.

Oh.

Just give 'em a quick toss.

Perfect.

[ Singsongy ]

Perfect!

And this is all good?

She looks good.

Yeah.

First question.

Well, I'm not really sure

that I understand the logic...

behind

chopping the bodies up.

I don't really think I get

what that accomplishes.

[ Stammers ]

Yvette says the cops'll think

the Mexican cartel did it.

[ Stammers ]

Well, yeah,

that's what they--

That's what they do

to their victims, you know,

to send a message. Right?

Oh, right.

Chop, chop, chop.

But you guys have never

thought about burning

the bodies, you know?

Destroy the evidence?

Oh.

[ Violet ]

Rosemary!

Your maid of honor

coming through!

[ Screaming ]

Shh-shh-shh.

[ Rosemary ]

I'm not trying to have

the perfect wedding.

It's just--

Look, I don't--

It's like you've been

a zombie all day.

I don't get it.

Is this a hangover?

Did something

happen last night?

Did you get a hooker?

No.

That was a joke.

There...

is a very simple

explanation...

for all of this.

[ Whimpers ]

I'll get the ax.

Oh, Hank, wait. We--

We made a promise to Robbie.

Remember?

Oh-- You okay?

Okay.

[ Muffled Response ]

I don't even know

where you would get

a hooker out here.

No, it's nothing

like that.

Then what is it?

Baby,

you're freaking me out.

Just talk to me.

Okay.

Okay.

Oh, God.

It's the wedding.

I'm just worried

it's not gonna be perfect...

and something's

gonna go wrong.

That's it?

Yeah.

Baby, that's not your job.

That's not your job

to worry about those things.

That's why we have

our families here.

[ Grunting ]

Violet, honey, you--

you want Robert

and Rosemary...

to be happy,

don't you?

Yes.

Okay.

Well, we've had...

some accidents, um--

And we'll tell everyone

all about it, but later.

Even if the wedding sucks,

or-- or Marvin interrupts us

with dubstep...

or your mother causes

an inevitable scene--

Everything

we're doing...

is out of love.

it'll still be a success

if, at the end of the day,

we end up married.

[ Gasps, Grunts ]

You wouldn't want to

spoil everything for her.

Would you?

[ Grunting ]

So I think...

we can count on you

keeping a secret.

- Right?

- [ Hank Yells ]

What have you

been doing,

specifically?

I--

[ Sighs ]

I was, uh--

Hello?

I've been working

on my vows.

You what?

Yeah.

You told me

you finished those

weeks ago.

Seriously.

I'm rewriting them.

Goddamn it, Robert.

I'm adding to them.

I'm embellishing.

Yeah, right.

[ Groans ]

Jailbreak!

We got a runner!

[ Gasping, Panting ]

Oh--

Oh!

[ Exhaling ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Classical ]

[ Continues ]

[ Rock On Speakers ]

Here we are.

Here we are.

[ Elizabeth ]

Violet.

See anything

interesting lately

or anything?

You can't even

write your vows.

How hard is it gonna be

to just say that you wanna

be with me, Robert?

I do! Are you kidding?

You're not ready to

get married. I knew it.

No!

That's all I want.

So--

[ Elizabeth Laughs ]

Why is everyone

being so mysterious?

It's a surprise!

[ Laughing ]

You little limey!

If it was up to me,

you and I would run off

right now. Okay?

We'd get the hell out of here,

leave our families behind

and elope in Vegas or something.

Let's do that.

Come on!

The reception!

The reception.

I love surprises.

Everybody wins.

She knows too.

Are you sure

she can be trusted?

Not in the slightest.

Don't let her

out of your sight.

[ Declan Grunting ]

What?

Come on. Let's run away.

You and me, right now!

No, no, no! Come on!

What about

our families?

Who cares about them?

They're gonna be fine--

Oh, my God!

What?

What?

Mmm.

[ Both Moaning ]

Oh, God. Whoa!

[ Chuckles ] Yeah.

Let's do it.

Let's f***ing elope.

Robert.

Robert, I just said

let's elope!

At the ceremony!

I'll be there!

What the f*** is going on

around here today?

[ Kicks Chair ]

Oww! Oww.

[ Classical Continues ]

Marvin!

Marvin, wait up!

Wait up.

You let him go?

Uh, he outwitted me.

[ Groans ]

[ Exhales ]

But don't worry.

I injected a tracking device

into his buttocks.

[ Whistling ]

Where in the hell

is that boy?

Everyone,

just calm down.

I'll go and, you know,

poke around for him.

Please.

[ Sobbing ]

You can't be marrying

somebody like that.

They're just beneath us.

[ Loud Groan ]

- Okay, we're all standing

under the same sun, so--

- Yeah, yeah. Moving on.

We're hot too.

Let me know.

We'll keep you posted.

Jesus. The natives

are getting restless, man.

What is going on in there?

Everybody's acting

really weird.

Ted!

Get your head in the game.

[ Declan Panting ]

He's coming back this way!

Ooh! Ooh!

Flank him! Flank him!

[ Grunting ]

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Hang on!

- [ All Yelling ]

- [ Declan ]

Fine!

- Ohh!

- No! Fine! I yield!

- Ah!

- I said I yield!

Okay, okay.

Cheap shot. Cheap shot.

You people

are insane!

I'm not the one

trying to steal

another man's wife!

She's not

even your wife yet!

[ Gasping, Sobbing ]

I should have married her

when I had the chance.

If you liked it,

you should've put

a ring on it!

You-- You can't keep me

prisoner forever.

Yeah, we can.

[ Stammering ]

What do you think Rosemary's

gonna say when she finds out

that you abducted me...

and subjected me

to torture?

[ Laughing ]

All right,

here's what we're

gonna do.

Marvin, here's what

we're gonna do.

You're going to take him

to the house. Okay?

And then you get

all your sh*t, all right?

And then you leave, right now,

and you never contact Rosemary

ever again.

Oh, well, let me think

about that for a second.

Uh, no. I'm sorry.

Not gonna do that.

- Okay.

- I'll never let her go!

Oh, really?

Yes! Never, never!

Marvin?

[ Groans ]

[ Exhales ]

What--

You got a little blood.

You might wanna

soak that.

What--

I'll take care

of the body.

Just worry about

getting cleaned up and...

not being late

for your own wedding.

Why'd you--

Why?

Why did y--

Why'd you do that?

You asked me to.

No, I thought

you'd intimidate--

Thought you'd just

intimidate him.

He was a loose end.

You don't want this douche

bird-doggin' you the rest

of your life. Come on!

It's time for you

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