Shotgun Wedding Page #9

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to go get married.

Go forward without fear,

brave soldier.

[ Laughing ]

Go on.

[ Humming "Marines' Hymn" ]

[ Marvin ]

How do you feel about

losing her to another man?

Well, uh, I certainly

wasn't going to lose her

to another woman.

I mean, all you can do

is take these things

with grace.

[ Clears Throat ]

You're so graceful.

I just love

when family is around.

It just think

that it's--

It's okay.

That's--

It's so cool

to be around people

that are real...

and that are not

trying to shoot you.

[ Pop ]

I do hope Robert's

not bothering too much--

the unfortunate events

that happened.

[ Whispering ]

Robert.

[ Steve ] Oh, there he is.

Robert!

What happened?

Honey, are you--

are you okay?

[ Muttering ]

Mommy's got everything

covered.

The wedding

is about to start.

Excuse me! E-Excuse me.

Can I have your attention?

Hello?

Hi. Uh, listen,

uh, we're running

a little late, um--

You always loved

getting dirty.

But you clean up

so nice.

I-I'm a terrible person,

Mom.

What?

[ Scoffs ]

Robbie, no.

Why would you even say that?

'Cause Pensee's dead.

Look at her.

Robert, you had nothing

to do with that.

I shot her in the face.

And this guy,

I don't even know--

Look, Robert, honey--

What happened

to this guy?

I will take

all the responsibility.

There's no point

ruining your life

because of your father and me.

Do you remember the story

of the Giving Tree?

The kids' book?

It was about

a little boy...

and his tree.

Then one day...

the boy grows up...

and he falls in love

with a girl,

and he wants a house.

So the tree tells him

to cut her down...

so that he can

build the house.

Did the tree

kill people, Mom?

That's a different story,

Son.

Honey,

do you love Rosemary?

Yes. What--

Of course I do. It's--

Do you want to

break her heart?

No, Ma!

Well, you're going to

break her heart if you don't

go out there and marry her.

That, Robbie--

That is your future.

[ Pop ]

[ Sobbing ]

I just don't get it.

I don't get it.

It's like he's acting crazy.

Sometimes men...

just need to work things out

on their own.

Maybe he went

looking for Pensee.

[ Sobbing ]

What?

I am going to

wring his little neck.

No one makes a fool

out of Flip Milton.

No one.

[ Continues ]

Yeah, okay. Perfect.

I'll f***ing

break his neck!

[ Barbara ]

Control yourself, Philip.

Did you find Robert?

Uh, y-yes. He spilled,

like, a cocktail sauce

all over the front of his shirt.

He had to go change,

but he's gonna be right down.

Oh! [ Laughing ]

Nobody worry.

[ Milton ]

Uh-huh. Yeah.

- You get some good stuff?

- Golden stuff.

Golden nuggets

of good stuff.

- White people are crazy.

- F***, yes.

- They are f***ing retarded.

- Really, man.

- I'm scared.

- No, I know.

- I'm scared.

- I'm scared,

and I'm the whitest guy here.

- I'm scared, and I'm

the blackest guy here.

- You are, seriously,

the blackest g--

You're the only black guy here.

- I know.

- You've noticed. Cool.

- [ Violet ]

Nothing we can't fix.

- [ Rosemary Laughs ]

Violet, can I speak

with you for a minute?

I have a question

for the maid of honor.

That's your area, right?

- What do you want?

- Is there something

you want to tell people?

Tell people?

No.

[ Scoffs ]

No.

She has been

my best friend...

since second grade.

I was there for her

for freshman 15.

Okay?

I was there

for her first period.

- [ Violet Screaming ]

- She was my best friend!

Don't you understand that?

She's my best friend!

I'm supposed to be

the maid of honor!

[ Yelling ]

You pig!

Die!

[ Yelling ]

[ Exhales, Chuckles ]

Have you seen my wife?

Elizabeth?

I'll be right there!

Oh, sh*t.

[ Steve ]

Just pretend

I'm not here.

Ted, quick!

Kill him!

What? Why?

Why are we killing him?

[ Steve ]

No, now, wait a second.

I mean--

Don't. Ted. You're a good man.

Listen to your heart.

Don't fight me.

Get those idiots

Neil and Cooper to get

the audience started to seat.

[ Steve Groaning ]

What the hell

is going on?

Uh-- Nothing.

Just-- Just, uh,

gettin' some sweet

B-roll footage,

that's all.

Everything's cool,

right?

Yeah. Right.

Everything's cool.

Judge.

I'm afraid I have

some really bad news.

Violet left.

I think she got

a call from Pensee,

and now they're

partying together.

- She was swearing a lot

when she left.

- [ Ted ] Oh, Jesus.

[ Steve ] Elizabeth,

the judge is going to bring

everyone in the bridal party...

back to that room.

I don't know what the hell

is going on around here.

Is there anyone else

who wants to leave?

Because I sure as hell do.

You did it

just to be maid of honor?

Well, she just could not

be trusted.

What has happened to you?

Oh, just shut up

and help me.

[ Rosemary ]

I know. It's okay.

Loving it?

Yep.

It's not my actual--

[ Laughing ]

This is so exciting!

I just hope that Robert's

actually coming this time.

This way.

Ohh!

Oh, what a beautiful spread!

[ Gasps ]

[ Rosemary ]

The pink is cute.

Mmm!

[ Chattering ]

There you are. Come on.

Let's get you to your place.

Where's Rosemary?

I need to talk to her.

You'd better not be

breaking her heart.

I gotta talk to her!

Oh, f***. I wish we

would start this wedding.

She's in here.

Potty mouth!

- Here he is, everyone!

- Honey. Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Where have you been?

Look, I've been around.

I've been here. I'm so sorry.

I need you to know I screwed up.

What did you do?

It doesn't matter.

What's important is that I love

you and I want to marry you

right now. Come on! Let's go!

- [ Screaming ]

- Oh, my God!

[ Screaming Continues ]

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God! It's Violet!

- Are you f***ing kidding me?

[ Rosemary ]

Why is her face

like that?

[ Groaning ]

[ Barbara ]

All over the floor!

[ Milton ]

We can get the floors

done, honey.

Did that sound

like screams?

It's probably fine.

Oh.

This is good.

Mmm.

[ Laughs ]

Oh, sh*t. My tux.

You'll never be alone

You'll never be alone

tonight

Oh, my God!

Violet's dead!

It must have been

an accident.

Or a suicide.

Clearly

she was murdered.

Christ.

Honey, give me my phone.

No, no, no.

You don't need to call

the police. I did it.

- I killed her.

- Mom, no, no.

I-I did it to keep the wedding

perfect for my little boy

and for you, Rosemary.

I committed

all of the murders.

I'm the Giving Tree.

[ Milton ]

All of what murders?

No, no, Judge, that's not true.

I killed Blaze.

- Who?

- [ Yvette ]

Don't listen to him!

I can't let you

take the blame.

I killed Blaze. Twice.

You told me

you sent Blaze home.

Would someone please tell me

what the f***

everyone is talking about?

And Mom didn't kill Pensee.

I shot her in the face.

- You killed my best friend?

- I'myour best friend.

He did not kill Pensee. I did.

- He's just covering for me.

- Uh--

Call the police.

Let's just send

everyone home!

No! They can arrest me!

Then we can all have

a perfect wedding.

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