Shrek 2 Page #3

lsn't it all wonderful!

l'd like to know

how it could get any worse!

- Hello, Harold.

- What happened?

- Nothing, dear!

Just the old crusade wound

playing up a bit!

l'll just stretch it

out here for a while.

You better get in.

We need to talk.

Actually, Fairy Godmother,

off to bed.

Already taken my pills,

and they tend to make me a bit drowsy.

So, how about... we make this

a quick visit. What?

Oh, hello.

Ha-ha-ha!

So, what's new?

You remember my son,

Prince Charming?

ls that you? My gosh!

lt's been years.

When did you get back?

Oh, about five minutes ago, actually.

After l endured blistering winds,

scorching desert...

l climbed to the highest room

in the tallest tower...

Mommy can handle this.

He endures blistering winds

and scorching desert!

He climbs to the highest bloody room

of the tallest bloody tower...

And what does he find?

Some gender-confused wolf

telling him that his princess

is already married.

lt wasn't my fault.

He didn't get there in time.

Stop the car!

Harold.

You force me to do something

l really don't want to do.

Where are we?

Hi. Welcome to Friar's Fat Boy!

May l take your order?

My diet is ruined!

l hope you're happy. Er... okay.

Two Renaissance Wraps,

no mayo... chili rings...

- l'll have the Medieval Meal.

- One Medieval Meal and, Harold...

- Curly fries?

- No, thank you.

- Sourdough soft taco, then?

- No, really, l'm fine.

Your order, Fairy Godmother.

This comes with the Medieval Meal.

There you are, dear.

We made a deal, Harold, and l assume

you don't want me to go back on my part.

lndeed not.

So, Fiona and Charming will be together.

- Yes.

- Believe me, Harold. lt's what's best.

Not only for your daughter...

but for your Kingdom.

What am l supposed to do about it?

Use your imagination.

Oh...

Come on in, Your Majesty.

I like my town

With a little drop of poison

Nobody knows...

Excuse me.

Do l know you?

No, you must be mistaking me

for someone else.

Uh... excuse me.

l'm looking for the Ugly Stepsister.

Ah! There you are. Right.

You see, l need to have

someone taken care of.

- Who's the guy?

- Well, he's not a guy, per se.

Um... He's an ogre.

Hey, buddy, let me clue you in.

There's only one fellow who can handle

a job like that, and, frankly...

he don't like to be disturbed.

he don't like to be disturbed.

Where could l find him?

Hello?

Who dares enter my room?

Sorry! l hope l'm not interrupting, but

l'm told you're the one to talk to

about an ogre problem?

You are told correct.

But for this, l charge

a great deal of money.

Would... this be enough?

You have engaged my valuable

services, Your Majesty.

Just tell me where

l can find this ogre.

Everyone says

I'm getting down too low

Everyone says

you've just gotta let it go

You just gotta let it go

I need some sleep

Time to put the old horse down

I'm in too deep

And the wheels keep spinning round

Everyone says

you've just gotta let it go

Everyone says

you've just gotta let it go

Dear Knight, I pray that you take

this favor as a token of my gratitude.

Dear Diary...

Sleeping Beauty is having

a slumber party tomorrow,

but Dad says I can't go.

He never lets me out after sunset.

Dad says I'm going away for a while.

Must be like some finishing school.

Mom says that when I'm old enough,

my Prince Charming will rescue me

from my tower

and bring me back to my family,

and we'll all live

happily ever after.

Mrs. Fiona Charming.

Mrs. Fiona Charming.

Mrs. Fiona Charming.

Mrs. Fiona Charming.

Sorry. l hope l'm not

interrupting anything.

No, no. l was just reading a, uh...

a scary book.

l was hoping you'd let me apologize

for my despicable behavior earlier.

- Okay...

- l don't know what came over me.

Do you suppose we could pretend

it never happened and start over...

- Look, Your Majesty, l just...

- Please. Call me Dad.

Dad. We both acted like ogres.

Maybe we just need some time

to get to know each other.

Excellent idea! l was actually hoping

you might join me for a morning hunt.

A little father-son time?

l know it would mean

the world to Fiona.

Shall we say,

Face it, Donkey!

We're lost.

We can't be lost. We followed

the King's instructions exactly.

''Head to the

darkest part of the woods...''

''Past the sinister trees

with scary-looking branches.''

- The bush shaped like Shirley Bassey!

- We passed that three times already!

You were the one who said

not to stop for directions.

Oh, great. My one chance

to fix things up with Fiona's dad

and l end up lost

in the woods with you!

Don't get huffy!

l'm only trying to help.

l know! l know.

- l'm sorry, all right?

- Hey, don't worry about it.

l just really need to make

things work with this guy.

Yeah, sure. Now let's go

bond with Daddy.

Well, well, well, Donkey.

l know it was kind of a tender

moment back there, but the purring?

What? l ain't purring.

Sure. What's next? A hug?

Hey, Shrek. Donkeys don't purr.

What do you think l am, some kind of a...

Ha-ha!

Fear me, if you dare!

Look! A little cat.

- Look out, Shrek! He got a piece!

- lt's a cat, Donkey.

Come here,

little kitty, kitty.

Come on, little kitty. Come here.

Oh! Come here, little kitty.

- Whoa!

- Hold on, Shrek! l'm coming!

- Come on! Get it off! Get it off!

Oh God. Oh...

No!

- Look out, Shrek! Hold still!

- Get it off!

Shrek! Hold still!

- Did l miss?

- No. You got them.

Now, ye ogre, pray for mercy from...

Puss... in Boots!

l'll kill that cat!

Ah-ha-ha!

Hairball.

- Oh! That is nasty!

What should we do with him?

Take the sword and neuter him.

Give him the Bob Barker treatment.

Oh, no! Por favor!

Please!

l implore you!

lt was nothing personal, Senor.

l was doing it only for my family.

My mother, she is sick.

And my father lives off the garbage!

The King offered me much in gold

and l have a litter of brothers...

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Fiona's father paid you to do this?

The rich King? Si.

Well, so much for Dad's royal blessing.

Don't feel bad. Almost everybody

that meets you wants to kill you.

Gee, thanks.

Maybe Fiona would've been better off

if l were some sort of Prince Charming.

That's what the King said.

Oh, uh... sorry. l thought that question

was directed at me.

Shrek, Fiona knows

you'd do anything for her.

Well, it's not like

l wouldn't change if l could.

l just... l just wish

l could make her happy.

Hold the phone...

''Happiness.''

''A tear drop away.''

Donkey! Think of the saddest thing

that's ever happened to you!

Aw, man, where do l begin?

First there was the time that old farmer

tried to sell me for some magic beans.

Then this fool had a party and he have

the guests trying to pin the tail on me.

Then they got drunk and start beating me

with a stick, going ''Pinata!!''

What is a pinata, anyway?

No, Donkey! l need you to cry!

Don't go projecting on me.

l know you're feeling bad,

but you got to...

Aaaahhh!

You little, hairy,

litter-licking sack of...

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