Shrek 2 Page #4

What? Is it on? Is it on?

This is Fairy Godmother.

I'm either away

from my desk or with a client.

But if you come by the office, we'll be

glad to make you an appointment.

Have a ''happy ever after. ''

Oh...

Are you up for a little quest, Donkey?

That's more like it! Shrek and Donkey,

on another whirlwind adventure!

Ain't no stoppin' us now! Whoo!

We're on the move!

- Stop, Ogre! l have misjudged you.

- Join the club. We've got jackets.

On my honor, l am obliged to accompany

you until l have saved your life

as you have spared me mine.

The position of annoying talking animal

has already been taken.

Let's go, Shrek. Shrek?

- Shrek!

- Aw, come on, Donkey. Look at him...

in his wee little boots.

You know, how many cats can wear boots?

Honestly.

- Let's keep him!

- Say what?

Ahh!

Listen. He's purring!

- Oh, so now it's cute.

- Come on, Donkey. Lighten up.

Lighten up? l should lighten up?

Look who's telling who to lighten up!

Lighten up? l should lighten up?

Look who's telling who to lighten up!

Shrek!

Shrek?

They're both festive, aren't they?

What do you think, Harold?

Um... Yes, yes.

Fine. Fine.

Try to at least pretend you're interested

in your daughter's wedding ball.

Honestly, Lillian,

l don't think it matters.

How do we know there will

even be a ball?

Mom. Dad.

- Oh, hello, dear.

- What's that, Cedric? Right! Coming.

Mom, have you seen Shrek?

l haven't.

You should ask your father.

Be sure and use small words, dear.

He's a little slow this morning.

- Can l help you, Your Majesty?

- Ah, yes! Um...

Mmm! Exquisite.

What do you call this dish?

That would be the dog's breakfast,

Your Majesty.

Ah, yes. Very good, then.

Carry on, Cedric.

- Dad? Dad, have you seen Shrek?

- No, l haven't, dear.

l'm sure he just went off to look for

a nice... mud hole to cool down in.

You know, after your

little spat last night.

Oh. You heard that, huh?

The whole kingdom heard you.

l mean, after all,

it is in his nature to be...

well, a bit of a brute.

Him? You know, you didn't exactly

roll out the Welcome Wagon.

Well, what did you expect?

Look at what he's done to you.

Shrek loves me for who l am.

l would think you'd be happy for me.

Darling, l'm just thinking about

what's best for you.

Maybe you should do the same.

No, really?

Shh...

Oh...

Oh, no. That's the old Keebler's place.

Let's back away slowly.

That's the Fairy Godmother's cottage.

She's the largest producer of hexes

and potions in the whole kingdom.

Then why don't we pop in there

for a spell? Ha-ha! Spell!

He makes me laugh.

Hi. l'm here to see the...

The Fairy Godmother.

l'm sorry. She is not in.

Jerome!

Coffee and a Monte Cristo. Now!

Yes, Fairy Godmother.

Right away.

Look, she's not seeing

any clients today, OK?

That's OK, buddy.

We're from the union.

The union?

We represent the workers in all magical

industries, both evil and benign.

Oh! Oh, right.

Are you feeling at all

degraded or oppressed?

Uh... a little.

We don't even have dental.

They don't even have dental.

Okay, we'll just have

a look around.

Oh. By the way.

l think it'd be better if the Fairy Godmother

didn't know we were here.

- Know what l'm saying? Huh?

- Huh? Huh? Huh?

- Stop it.

- Of course. Go right in.

A drop of desire.

Naughty!

A pinch of passion.

And just a hint of...

lust!

Excuse me.

Sorry to barge in like this...

What in Grimm's name

are you doing here?

Well, it seems

that Fiona's not exactly happy.

Oh-ho-ho!

And there's some question

as to why that is?

Well, let's explore that, shall we?

Ah. P, P, P...

Princess. Cinderella.

Here we are.

''Lived happily ever after.'' Oh...

No ogres!

Let's see. Snow White.

A handsome prince.

Oh, no ogres.

Sleeping Beauty. Oh, no ogres!

Hansel and Gretel? No!

Thumbelina? No.

The Golden Bird,

the Little Mermaid, Pretty Woman...

No, no, no, no, no!

You see, ogres don't

live happily ever after.

All right, look, lady!

Don't you point...

those dirty green sausages at me!

Your Monte Cristo and coffee.

Oh! Sorry.

Ah... that's okay.

We were just leaving.

Very sorry to have wasted your time,

Miss Godmother.

Just... go.

Come on, guys.

TGlF, eh, buddy?

Working hard or hardly working,

eh, Mac?

Get your fine Corinthian footwear

and your cat cheeks out of my face!

Man, that stinks!

You don't exactly smell like

a basket of roses.

- Well, one of these has got to help.

- l was just concocting this very plan!

Already our minds are becoming one.

Whoa, whoa. lf we need an expert on

licking ourselves, we'll give you a call.

Shrek, this is a bad idea.

Look. Make yourself useful

and go keep watch.

Puss, do you think you

could get to those on top?

No problema, boss.

ln one of my nine lives,

l was the great cat burglar

of Santiago de Compostela.

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Shrek, are you off your nut?

Donkey, keep watch.

Keep watch?

Yeah, l'll keep watch.

l'll watch that wicked witch come and

whammy a world of hurt up your backside.

l'll laugh, too.

l'll be giggling to myself.

- What do you see?

- Toad Stool Softener?

l'm sure a nice BM is the perfect solution

for marital problems.

- Elfa Seltzer?

- Uh-uh.

- Hex Lax?

- No! Try ''handsome.''

Sorry. No handsome.

Hey! How about ''Happily Ever After''?

Well, what does it do?

lt says ''Beauty Divine.''

ln some cultures, donkeys are revered

as the wisest of creatures.

Especially us talking ones.

Donkey!

That'll have to do.

We've got company.

Can we get on with this?

Hurry!

Nice catch, Donkey!

Finally! A good use for your mouth.

Come on!

You spurn my natural emotions

You make me feel like dirt

and I'm hurt

And if I start a commotion

I run the risk of losing you

and that's worse

Ever fallen in love with someone,

ever fallen in love

In love with someone,

ever fallen in love

In love with someone

you shouldn't have fallen in love with

Ever fallen in love with someone,

ever fallen in love

In love with someone,

ever fallen in love

With someone

you shouldn't have fallen in love with

Fallen in love with

Ever fallen in love with someone

you shouldn't have fallen in love with

l don't care whose fault it is.

Just get this place cleaned up!

And somebody bring me something

deep fried and smothered in chocolate!

- Mother!

- Charming. Sweetheart.

This isn't a good time, pumpkin.

Mama's working.

Whoa, what happened here?

- The ogre, that's what!

- What? Where is he, Mom?

l shall rend his head

from his shoulders!

l will smite him where he stands!

He will rue the very day he stole

my kingdom from me!

Oh, put it away, Junior!

You're still going to be king.

We'll just have to come up

with something smarter.

Pardon. Um...

Everything is accounted for,

Fairy Godmother, except for one potion.

What?

Oh...

l do believe we can make

this work to our advantage.

''Happily Ever After Potion.

Maximum strength.

''For you and your true love.

''lf one of you drinks this,

you both will be fine.

Rate this script:4.7 / 55 votes