Shrek 2 Page #6

Are you kidding?

He's gorgeous!

He has a face that looks like

it was carved by angels.

- Oh. He sounds dreamy.

- You know...

shockingly, this isn't

making me feel any better.

Look, guys.

lt's for the best.

Mom and Dad approve,

and Fiona gets the man

she's always dreamed of.

Everybody wins.

Except for you.

l don't get it, Shrek.

You love Fiona.

Aye.

And that's why

l have to let her go.

Excuse me, is she here?

She's, uh... in the back.

Oh, hello again.

Fairy Godmother. Charming.

You'd better have a good reason

for dragging us down here, Harold.

Well, l'm afraid Fiona isn't really...

warming up to Prince Charming.

- FYl, not my fault.

- No, of course it's not, dear.

l mean,

how charming can l be

when l have to pretend

l'm that dreadful ogre?

No, no, it's nobody's fault.

Perhaps it's best if we just

call the whole thing off, okay?

- What?

- You can't force someone to fall in love!

l beg to differ.

l do it all the time!

Have Fiona drink this and she'll fall in love

with the first man she kisses,

which will be Charming.

- Umm... no.

- What did you say?

l can't. l won't do it.

Oh, yes, you will.

lf you remember, l helped you

with your happily ever after.

And l can take it away

just as easily.

ls that what you want? ls it?

- No.

- Good boy.

Now, we have to go.

l need to do Charming's hair

before the ball.

He's hopeless.

He's all high in the front.

He can never get to the back.

You need someone to do the back.

Oh. Thank you, Mother.

Mother?

Um... Mary! A talking horse!

The ogre!

Stop them! Thieves! Bandits!

Stop them!

The abs are fab

and it's gluteus to the maximus

here at tonight's Far, Far Away

Royal Ball blowout!

The coaches are lined up

as the cream of the crop pours out of them

like Miss Muffet's curds and whey.

Everyone who's anyone

has turned out

to honor Princess Fiona

and Prince Shrek.

And, oh my,

the outfits look gorgeous!

Look! Hansel and Gretel!

What the heck are the crumbs for?

And right behind them,

Tom Thumb and Thumbelina!

- Oh, aren't they adorable!

Here comes Sleeping Beauty!

Tired old thing.

Who's this? Who's this?

Who is this?

Oh. lt's the one, it's the only...

lt's the Fairy Godmother!

Hello, Far, Far Away!

Can l get a whoop whoop?

May all your endings be happy and...

Well, you know the rest!

We'll be right back with the Royal

Far, Far Away Ball

after these messages.

l hate these ball shows.

They bore me to tears.

Flip over to Wheel Of Torture!

l'm not flipping anywhere, sir,

until l see Shrek and Fiona.

Whizzes on you guys.

Hey, mice, pass me a buffalo wing!

No, to your left. Your left!

- Tonight on ''Knights''...

- Now here's a good show!

We got a white bronco heading east

into the forest. Requesting backup.

It's time to teach these madcap mammals

their ''devil may mare'' attitudes

just won't fly.

Why you grabbing me?

Police brutality!

l have to talk to Princess Fiona!

- We warned you!

- Ow! Ow!

Did someone let the cat out of the bag?

You capitalist pig dogs!

- Catnip!

- That's not mine.

Find Princess Fiona!

l'm a donkey!

Tell her Shrek...

l'm her husband, Shrek!

Quick! Rewind it!

l'm her husband, Shrek! Ow!

Darling?

Ah. l thought l might

find you here.

How about a nice hot cup

of tea before the ball?

l'm not going.

The whole Kingdom's turned out

to celebrate your marriage.

There's just one problem.

That's not my husband.

l mean, look at him.

Yes, he is a bit different,

but people change

for the ones they love.

You'd be surprised how much

l changed for your mother.

Change?

He's completely lost his mind!

Why not come down to the ball

and give him another chance?

You might find you like

this new Shrek.

But it's the old one

l fell in love with, Dad.

l'd give anything to have him back.

Darling. That's mine. Decaf.

Otherwise l'm up all night.

Thanks.

l got to get out of here!

l got to get out of here!

You can't lock us up like this!

Let me go!

What about my Miranda rights?

You're supposed to say

l have the right to remain silent.

Nobody said l have the right

to remain silent!

You have the right to remain silent.

What you lack is the capacity.

l must hold on before l, too,

go totally mad.

Shrek? Donkey?

Too late.

Gingy! Pinocchio!

Get us out of here!

Oh...

Fire in ze hole!

Look out below!

Quick! Tell a lie!

- What should l say?

- Anything, but quick!

Say something crazy like

''l'm wearing ladies' underwear!''

l am wearing ladies' underwear.

- Are you?

- l most certainly am not!

lt looks like you

most certainly am are!

- l am not!

- What kind?

- lt's a thong!

- Oww! They're briefs!

- Are not.

- Are too!

- Are not!

- Are too!

Here we go. Hang tight.

Wait, wait, wait!

Ow! Ow! Hey, hey, hey!

Ow!

- Excuse me?

- What? Puss!

Pardon me, would you

mind letting me go?

- Sorry, boss.

- Quit messing around!

We've got to stop that kiss!

l thought you was going

to let her go.

l was, but l can't let them

do this to Fiona.

Boom! That's what l like to hear.

Look who's coming around!

lt's impossible!

We'll never get in.

The castle's guarded.

There's a moat and everything!

Folks, it looks like we're up chocolate

creek without a Popsicle stick.

- What?

- Do you still know the Muffin Man?

Well, sure!

He's down on Drury Lane. Why?

Because we're gonna need flour.

Lots and lots of flour.

Gingy!

Fire up the ovens, Muffin Man!

We've got a big order to fill!

lt's alive!

Run, run, run,

as fast you can!

Go, baby, go!

There it is, Mongo!

To the castle!

No, you great stupid pastry!

Come on!

Mongo! Down here!

Look at the pony!

That's right! Follow the pretty pony!

Pretty pony wants to play

at the castle!

Pretty pony.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Presenting Princess Fiona

and her new husband, Prince Shrek.

Shrek, what are you doing?

l'm just playing the part, Fiona.

ls that glitter on your lips?

Mm. Cherry flavored.

Want to taste?

- Ugh! What is with you?

- But, Muffin Cake...

C Minor, put it in C Minor.

Ladies and gentlemen.

l'd like to dedicate this song to...

Princess Fiona and Prince Shrek.

Fiona, my Princess.

Will you honor me with a dance?

Where have all the good men gone

And where are all the gods?

Dance!

Where's the streetwise Hercules

To fight the rising odds?

Since when do you dance?

Fiona, my dearest,

if there's one thing l know,

it's that love is full of surprises.

Late at night I toss and I turn

And I dream of what I need

Hit it!

I need a hero

All right, big fella!

Let's crash this party!

Man the catapults!

Aim! Fire!

- Brace yourselves!

- Ooh! Purty!

Not the gumdrop button!

lncoming!

Ha-ha! All right!

Somewhere after midnight

In my wildest fantasy

Go, Mongo! Go!

Man the cauldrons!

After you, Mongo.

- That's it! Heave-ho!

- Watch out!

Shrek!

More heat, less foam!

Up where the mountains

Meet the heavens above

Out where the lightning

Splits the sea

I could swear there is someone

Somewhere watching me

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