Shrek Page #11

FIONA:

But how will you kiss me?

SHREK:

What? (to Donkey) That wasn't in the

job description.

DONKEY:

Maybe it's a perk.

FIONA:

No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know

how it goes. A princess locked in a

tower and beset by a dragon is rescued

by a brave knight, and then they share

true love's first kiss.

DONKEY:

Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait.

Wait. You think that Shrek is you true

love?

FIONA:

Well, yes.

Both Donkey and Shrek burst out laughing.

DONKEY:

You think Shrek is your true love!

FIONA:

What is so funny?

SHREK:

Let's just say I'm not your type, okay?Fiona:

Of course, you are. You're my rescuer.

Now - - Now remove your helmet.

SHREK:

Look. I really don't think this is a

good idea.

FIONA:

Just take off the helmet.

SHREK:

I'm not going to.

FIONA:

Take it off.

SHREK:

No!

FIONA:

Now!

SHREK:

Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness.

(takes off his helmet)

FIONA:

You- - You're a- - an ogre.

SHREK:

Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming.

FIONA:

Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is

all wrong. You're not supposed to be

an ogre.

SHREK:

Princess, I was sent to rescue you by

Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the one who

wants to marry you.

FIONA:

Then why didn't he come rescue me?

SHREK:

Good question. You should ask him that

when we get there.

FIONA:

But I have to be rescued by my true

love, not by some ogre and his- - his

pet.

DONKEY:

Well, so much for noble steed.

SHREK:

You're not making my job any easier.

FIONA:

I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem.

You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he

wants to rescue me properly, I'll be

waiting for him right here.

SHREK:

Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all

right? (ominous) I'm a delivery boy.

(he swiftly picks her up and swings

her over his shoulder like she was a

sack of potatoes)

FIONA:

You wouldn't dare. Put me down!

SHREK:

Ya comin', Donkey?

DONKEY:

I'm right behind ya.

FIONA:

Put me down, or you will suffer the

consequences! This is not dignified!

Put me down!

WOODS:

A little time has passed and Fiona has calmed down. She just

hangs there limply while Shrek carries her.

DONKEY:

Okay, so here's another question. Say

there's a woman that digs you, right,

but you don't really like her that way.

How do you let her down real easy so

her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't

get burned to a crisp and eaten?

FIONA:

You just tell her she's not your true

love. Everyone knows what happens when

you find your...(Shrek drops her on

the ground) Hey! The sooner we get to

DuLoc the better.

DONKEY:

You're gonna love it there, Princess.

It's beautiful!

FIONA:

And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad?

What's he like?

SHREK:

Let me put it this way, Princess. Men

of Farquaad's stature are in short supply.

(he and Donkey laugh)

Shrek then proceeds to splash water onto his face to wash off

the dust and grime.

DONKEY:

I don't know. There are those who think

little of him. (they laugh again) Fiona:

Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're

just jealous you can never measure up

to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.

SHREK:

Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess.

But I'll let you do the "measuring"

when you see him tomorrow.

FIONA:

(looks at the setting sun) Tomorrow?

It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop

to make camp?

SHREK:

No, that'll take longer. We can keep

going.

FIONA:

But there's robbers in the woods.

Rate this script:4.4 / 130 votes