Shrek Page #3

SHREK:

Uh, Shrek.

DONKEY:

Shrek? Well, you know what I like about

you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me

thing. I like that. I respect that,

Shrek. You all right. (They come over

a hill and you can see Shrek's cottage.)

Whoa! Look at that. Who'd want to live

in place like that?

SHREK:

That would be my home.

DONKEY:

Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful.

You know you are quite a decorator.

It's amazing what you've done with such

a modest budget. I like that boulder.

That is a nice boulder. I guess you

don't entertain much, do you?

SHREK:

I like my privacy.

DONKEY:

You know, I do too. That's another thing

we have in common. Like I hate it when

you got somebody in your face. You've

trying to give them a hint, and they

won't leave. There's that awkward silence.

(awkward silence) Can I stay with you?

SHREK:

Uh, what?

DONKEY:

Can I stay with you, please?

SHREK:

(sarcastically) Of course!

DONKEY:

Really?

SHREK:

No.

DONKEY:

Please! I don't wanna go back there!

You don't know what it's like to be

considered a freak. (pause while he

looks at Shrek) Well, maybe you do.

But that's why we gotta stick together.

You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!

SHREK:

Okay! Okay! But one night only.

DONKEY:

Ah! Thank you! (he runs inside the cottage)

SHREK:

What are you...? (Donkey hops up onto

a chair.) No! No!

DONKEY:

This is gonna be fun! We can stay up

late, swappin' manly stories, and in

the mornin' I'm makin' waffles.

SHREK:

Oh!

DONKEY:

Where do, uh, I sleep?

SHREK:

(irritated) Outside!

DONKEY:

Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean,

I don't know you, and you don't know

me, so I guess outside is best, you

know. Here I go. Good night. (Shrek

slams the door.) (sigh) I mean, I do

like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was

born outside. I'll just be sitting by

myself outside, I guess, you know. By

myself, outside. I'm all alone...there's

no one here beside me...

SHREK'S COTTAGE - NIGHT

Shrek is getting ready for dinner. He sits himself down and lights

a candle made out of earwax. He begins to eat when he hears a

noise. He stands up with a huff.

SHREK:

(to Donkey) I thought I told you to

stay outside.

DONKEY:

(from the window) I am outside.

There is another noise and Shrek turns to find the person that

made the noise. He sees several shadows moving. He finally turns

and spots 3 blind mice on his table.

BLIND MOUSE1

Well, gents, it's a far cry from the

farm, but what choice do we have?

BLIND MOUSE2

It's not home, but it'll do just fine.

GORDO:

(bouncing on a slug) What a lovely bed.

SHREK:

Got ya. (Grabs a mouse, but it escapes

and lands on his shoulder.)

GORDO:

I found some cheese. (bites Shrek's

ear)

SHREK:

Ow!

GORDO:

Blah! Awful stuff.

BLIND MOUSE1

Is that you, Gordo?

GORDO:

How did you know?

SHREK:

Enough! (he grabs the 3 mice) What are

you doing in my house? (He gets bumped

from behind and he drops the mice.)

Hey! (he turns and sees the Seven Dwarves

with Snow White on the table.) Oh, no,

no, no. Dead broad off the table.

DWARF:

Where are we supposed to put her? The

bed's taken.

SHREK:

Huh?

Shrek marches over to the bedroom and throws back the curtain.

The Big Bad Wolf is sitting in the bed. The wolf just looks at

him.

BIG BAD WOLF:

What?

TIME LAPSE:

Shrek now has the Big Bad Wolf by the collar and is dragging

him to the front door.

SHREK:

I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm

a terrifying ogre! What do I have to

do get a little privacy? (He opens the

front door to throw the Wolf out and

he sees that all the collected Fairy

Tale Creatures are on his land.) Oh,

no. No! No!

The 3 bears sit around the fire, the pied piper is playing his

pipe and the rats are all running to him, some elves are directing

flight traffic so that the fairies and witches can land...etc.

SHREK:

What are you doing in my swamp? (this

echoes and everyone falls silent.)

Gasps are heard all around. The 3 good fairies hide inside a

tent.

SHREK:

All right, get out of here. All of you,

move it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya!

Hapaya! Hey! Quickly. Come on! (more

dwarves run inside the house) No, no!

No, no. Not there. Not there. (they

shut the door on him) Oh! (turns to

look at Donkey)

DONKEY:

Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite

them.

PINOCCHIO:

Oh, gosh, no one invited us.

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