Shut Up and Kiss Me Page #3
- R
- Year:
- 2010
- 78 min
- 77 Views
It's me, H0rsehung78.
Guess what?
I'm not wearing underwean
What the hell
are you talking about?
Oh, don't be shy.
You weren't in the chat room,
M:
"I wanna eatyourassall day l0ng."
I have not been
in a chat room.
Look, my girlfriend's
waiting for me.
She's expecting me home
in an hour,
and from the looks of it,
just like you said.
Let me in,
and I'll blow you.
Listen, I think there's been
a mistake.
Is your name Ben?
Yeah.
Then there's "Ben" no mistake.
This is really awkward.
Come on.
What do you want?
You want a hand job?
You want a blow job, rim job?
You can blow me, too.
It's okay.
Oh, look, everybody says
they have a girlfriend.
It's all right.
Now, normallyl work
as a hooker,
but you're such a hottie,
Ijust wanna do you for free.
A hooken
Yeah.
Let's get off.
Listen, I have to go, okay?
No, you listen.
I drove all this way.
Now, let me in, we'll get off,
and then I'll go.
No, I don't think so.
I'm sorry, I have to go.
Just grab my cock, and then
you'll change your mind.
No.
F***!
[Sighs]
James, what the f***?
[James]
What?
You know what.
Oh, come on.
You didn't think he was hot?
No, and that's
not even the point.
I'm not trying to hook up
for random sex.
And what are you doing
going into chat rooms
using my picture?
Um, you should be thanking me,
Its not like I kept him
for myself.
Look, he was the hottest
one in there,
and I did it for you, boo.
I'm a true friend.
Listen, no more surprises
at my doon
Uh-huh. Okay.
No, I'm serious.
No more.
Listen, I'm pissed off.
I'm just gonna go.
Go where?
I'm a busy guy.
I've got stuff to do.
and run errands.
Okay, lesbian.
Oh, but hey, do you mind
if I call Horsehung78?
I hate to see a good thing
go to waste.
No, you can have him.
Goodbye.
Bye.
I saw the hottest Cro-Mag
run by my house today.
Oh, yeah?
Did you say anything to him?
No, he just ran by.
I chickened out.
I c0uldn'tjust yell, "Hey."
Why not?
Because you know
that's not my style.
Okay, what the f***
is going on with your neck?
What?
Your neck, dude.
You got a hickey.
What?
Oh, f***ing Amber, dude.
I'm so pissed, she clamped
onto me like a vacuum.
I couldn't get her off.
You couldn't get her off?
She's five foot.
She weighs, what, 85 pounds?
I'm telling you, bro.
She had me in this position.
And then she goes up to me
and she says...
[laughing]
Now everyone will know
that you have a girlfriend.
Oh, a girlfriend?
What are you talkin' about,
a girlfriend?
You are marked now,
and you are mine.
Get the f*** outta here.
[laughing]
[squeals]
[laughing]
You wanna play?
All right, that's it.
That's it.
[la ug hing]
Oh, she's
yourgirlfriend now?
Yeah, I guess so,
but she's f***in' crazy.
Oh, well I think it's sweet
that you've been branded.
All right, enough, enough.
What are you doing tonight?
Callie's gonna come oven
You wanna stop by.
No, I'm watching
a movie with Amber
I'm sorry,
but you're p*ssy whipped.
She's got you
in the cobra clutch.
Listen, bro, ifl can see
one of these chick flicks with her,
and I actually pretend
to like it,
she lets me f*** her
in the ass.
Oh, you are a gentleman,
aren't you?
Yeah, in the ass.
[water whooshes]
sound effect]
You know, you are stalking him
from your own front lawn.
You know that, right?
I know.
You rearranged
your furniture again.
I know.
Okay, you just have to say
hello next time.
I know.
You should move it
back to the way it was.
This looks terrible.
I know.
What is--
are you in another world?
Can I tell you guys
how cute he is?
Did I tell you?
Aw.
He's so cute.
I can't get him
out of my brain.
Jesus, stop being
such a p*ssy
and go say hi to him.
You obviously know exactly
when he runs
Yeah.
Creepy.
I know.
Oh, M:
Runner man,come on by.
You guys,
this is not subtle.
this is not a coincidence
if the two of you
are out here.
Oh, you've been lurking
out here for a week,
[clucks tongue]
Sara, please take
your popcorn inside.
No.
Listen, Chomps-a-lot,
you are not helping
things any.
Oh, here he comes.
Don't look.
Don't look.
Oh, my gosh,
he's so cute.
Oh, he is really cute.
Don't look.
Don't look.
Say hi to him.
Say hi to him.
Hey, nice ass.
You're hot.
He's single.
Bye.
He waved back.
He waved back.
What is wrong with you?
Ben, he's really cute.
You two suck.
Grow some balls.
He's cute.
Yeah, we're helping you.
We're trying
to play matchmaken
That was definitely
not helping me,
and it was not playing
matchmaker
No, because
ifwe'd have played matchmaker,
you'd be talking
to him and not us.
N ['70s soul]
[phone rings]
Hey.
[Ca/lie]
Hey Lover.
What you doing?
Going for a drink with Foxy.
Wanna come out?
Or are you still sitting
on your lawn stalking--
I mean, watering your plants?
No b*tch,
I'm in for the night.
I'm about to go to bed.
Is that music I hear?
Were you about to jerk off?
No.
II [stops]
Loser, you total/y were.
You probably have
a candle burning.
No, I don't have
a candle burning.
Okay, go drown yourself
in your own cum.
You know what?
Kill yourself.
Okay, I'll call you
tomorrow, stalker.
Night.
I'm gonna call Ben
and f*** with him.
Get off of your lawn.
I'm not even on my lawn.
Yeah, you are.
I can hear the cars
driving back and forth
in the background.
I'm hanging up now.
Lose:
Stalker
Good-bye.
[whispering]
Just say hi.
Just say hi.
Just say hi.
Just say--
Jesus Christ.
Oh, my God.
What the f*** was that?
I am so sorry.
Ithinkl missed the lawn.
You think?
Really?
I am really, really sorry.
Are you now?
I'm sort of sorry.
Hi, I'm Grey.
I'm-- I'm Ben.
So do you spray down everyone
with your hose?
No.
No, I don't know
what that was.
It was, like,
out of control.
any day this week.
What are you talking about?
Well, the other day,
you and your friends.
What?
You, two girls,
bowl of popcorn.
[laughing]
Id0n't-- um... yeah.
You know,
you're cute when you blush?
Now, I'm not blushing.
That's sunburn.
Right, sunburn
from all the days
you've spent
out in your yard stalking me.
Stalking you?
No, no,
I didn't even notice you.
My lawn is dry--
Do you wanna just go out
and get dinner
one of these nights, or what?
Yeah, I would like
that actually.
Um, tonight?
Sure, tonight,
now you're forward.
You know, I had to run
past your house for weeks
just to try to get
your attention.
No.
Yeah.
Nice
So tonight, 6:
OO-ish?Yeah, 6:
OO-ish.All right, tonight.
Tonight.
Bye, pup.
Bye.
So do you have
any brothers or sisters?
Two. Two sisters.
Both married, kids, picket
fence, whole nine yards.
You?
I do.
I have one sister
She's 18 months older,
has a little boy
and a little girl.
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