Shut Up and Kiss Me Page #4

Very nice.

Yeah.

Wow. You don't want kids,

do you?

I don't know.

I might.

I like them.

I think they're fun.

Why, are you scared?

No, it's--

I don't know.

I just--

I like kids.

Ijust like to be able to give

them back when I'm done.

I guess Ijust like my life

the way it is right now.

So, are you scared yet?

No.

Um, all time favorite food.

Go.

That's easy.

It's pizza.

Hands down,

the best cheat food.

Me, too,

except for olives.

I don't like olives either

That's freaky.

Cool. Okay, let's see.

How old do you think you were

when you knew you were gay?

Oh, wow, um.

I was young.

I used to love

action figures,

so I'd send them all

into battle,

butl never wanted the buff

male heroes to get hurt

so I'd always send

the princess in first.

And then in battle she died,

so I took a pair ofscissors

and snipped offher head.

That's a pretty harsh sentence

for an action figure,

don't you think?

Yeah, I mean my parents

were pissed,

but I gave her a burial

and buried her

in the backyard.

Well, sometimes

the b*tch has to die.

Exactly.

So I guess I always knew,

or, I don't know,

I knew I was different.

What about you?

Me, um, I don't know,

I was like 1O or 11 maybe,

however old you are

in fifih grade,

and we were all lined up

to go see the school nurse,

and, you know, get the whole turn

your head and cough thing.

We were in our underwear,

and I got hard.

So for the next five years,

all I ever heard was,

"Grey popped a bonen"

Yeah, thanks

for laughing, thanks.

I'm sorry.

It pretty much made school

a living hell,

but, you know...

Yikes.

So what do you do for work?

I own a fitness boot camp

with my best friend.

Nice, you get to scream and yell

at people all day long.

No, it's definitely

not like that.

What about you?

Me?I am project manager

for a designing firm.

All right,

so I have to ask you.

It's an odd question,

but you are single, yes?

Definitely, yeah.

You?

Yes. I mean, you have to ask

these days, right?

I hearyou.

I hearyou.

So how long

you been single for?

Four years.

Four years, Jesus.

Why so long?

I mean, okay,

you're decent looking,

and you're fairly funny,

so...

Oh, fairly funny?

I don't want to over-inflate

your ego just yet.

I gotta sit here all night.

Fair enough.

Um...

fouryears ago

Iwas dating a guy...

and he was HIV positive,

but he didn't know it.

He caught pneumonia,

and three weeks later he died.

Three weeks.

Jesus, that is fast.

The whole thing

just tore me up.

It broke my heart.

The thought of being intimate

or having sex with someone

was just the furthest thing

from my mind.

That's rough.

[mutters]

I mean... yeah, rough.

The worst part of it all

was as sad as I was for him,

at the end all

I kept thinking was,

"Thank God I'm negative."

How sick is that?

Yeah, it's...

I can only imagine.

I mean, that's just--

that's intense.

Enough of this story.

It's not a first-date story.

Um, what about you?

How long have you been single

and why?

I've been single

a couple years now.

I broke up with my ex

because we basically

couldn't stand to be

in the same room together

We fought constantly,

and his idea of fun

was going out for a weekend

and not coming back

until Monday morning.

I'm kind of the type

who sits at home

and watches TVand has a been

I guess Ijust got it all out

when I was youngen

I was pretty sexually

adventurous,

and, I don't know.

I guess Ijust don't

really date anymore.

And why is that?

Well, whenever it came time

for the tough stuff

in a relationship,

itjust became too hard,

so I don't do it.

Ijust have sex.

Wow, well this is a date.

No, this is hanging out.

I'm gonna call this a date.

Whatever, pup.

All right, what is

this little nickname, "pup"?

I don't know,

but it suits you, I think.

I might like it.

Good.

So, it's getting late.

Maybe I should let you

get home and get to bed.

Yeah, probably.

I had a really nice time

talking with you.

You're real easy to be around.

Thanks, you, too.

I would really like

to see you again.

Yeah, I'd like that too,

but--

[sighs]

1..

Ijust need to be upfront

and tell you this.

I'm HIV positive.

Oh, my God,

I feel like such an idiot.

No. No, no, no,

don't do that to yourself.

It's my issue,

it's my skeleton,

and I'll deal with it.

Ijust want to know

if you're going to be okay with it.

I'd be lying ifl said

it didn't make me nervous,

but I still really want

to see you again.

Good.

Glad to hear it.

You know, as I get older,

its harderand harder

to find guys

thatl have that spark with,

that chemistry.

I know ifl wanna see

someone a second time,

within five seconds.

It's just rare to meet

those guys

that you have all those same

things in common with.

Wanna settle down

and be monogamous.

I have never been in a

monogamous relationship,

and I have never been asked

to be in one.

Are you opposed to it?

No, but let's face it.

We're men.

If I'm in a relationship

with a boyfriend,

and I go out and sleep

with someone else,

it doesn't mean I care

about him any less.

I don't get it.

I don't thinkl understand.

We're just getting

to know each other rig ht now,

so let's just roll with it,

okay?

Q-OkBY-

Oh, you're so f***ing gay.

You walked and talked?

It was nice.

Gay.

Sweet.

Homo.

We're getting to know

each other

Okay, Jack Twist,

did you at least hold hands?

No, but it was two men

on a date,

so, yeah, it was gay.

I gotta tell you, though,

I got a serious case

of blue balls.

Serves you right for having

a Brokeback Mountain moment.

Listen, Ben, you gotta have sex

like a man does, you know?

You gotta f*** like a man.

Oh, like a man.

Eat a dick.

Eat a vagina.

So when you gonna see him

again?

Tonight.

Wow, two nights in a row?

That's a big commitment.

You sure you can handle that?

Whateven

Hi, can I borrow that?

Yeah.

That guy was totally

eye f***ing you.

No, he wasn't.

He was looking

at those ridiculous shorts.

And I'm sort of seeing

somebody.

All rig ht, first off,

these shorts are not ridiculous.

And two--

going fora walk

does not mean

that you are seeing somebody.

Listen,

Ijust can'tjuggle men,

and, frankly, I d0n'twantto.

Yeah, you're a broad.

Yeah, I'm a broad,

and I'm done with

this conversation.

What are you getting

into tonight?

I don't know.

I got work,

and then Amber

and I might have a been

Okay, so the stripper/girlfriend,

she's still around?

Hey, hey, stripper yes,

but, you know, yeah,

so far so good.

You know what you should do?

You should take your man

for a test drive tonight.

How are we back

on this conversation?

We're not all sluts,

and he's not a can

Yeah, you are.

You're gay,

and you're a dude.

Okay, I'm gonna put this

into language you can

understand.

We're not all man-whores.

Hi.

Hello, handsome.

Don't you look nice.

Thank you.

So do you.

Thanks.

It's a nice place.

What's this?

[laughs]

Thought you might ask.

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