Shut Up and Kiss Me Page #5

This is a carpet picnic.

Oh, it's a carpet picnic.

Yeah, it's like a picnic,

but it's on the carpet

A carpet picnic.

Yeah. Sit down.

So, I wasn't sure

what you liked,

so I got a little bit

of everything.

This looks great.

Thank you.

Champagne?

That's classy, nice touch.

Thank you.

So how was your day?

It was good.

You really went all out here,

didn't you?

Yeah.

I wanted to show you

what it was like

to be on a real date.

Oh, this is a date.

Yes, this is a date.

I have to tell you.

I really do have

a crush on you.

Really?

Well, so you know,

the feeling's mutual, so...

to mutual crushes.

To mutual crushes.

S0... you said you were

from Jersey, right?

Yeah, I grew up

in northwest Jersey,

and I grew upon a farm

with all these animals

running around,

so I wanted to be

a veterinarian as a kid.

Then I realized you had

to cut them open,

so then I didn't want to be

a veterinarian anymore.

Yeah, well cutting animals open

isn't so bad when you realize

you're helping them.

Yeah.

So, where did you grow up?

Me, I grew up in Cincinnati,

been out here

for about 12 years.

I mean, I love the city,

but eventually

I'd like to move up north

and just get out.

To where?

I don't know.

Mendocino maybe,

or Shelter Cove.

I go hiking and camping

up there a lot, s0--

I camp all the time.

Yeah, I love to camp.

Really?

I do.

What did you want to be

when you were a kid?

I wanted to race cars.

How's thatworking out?

Not so much.

So, you know what else?

When I was a kid--

How about you just shut up

and kiss me already?

Yeah, I-- well, I--

N0, n0, no, no--

There's no more talking,

not for one whole minute.

[cell phone rings]

That's your phone.

So?

You should answer it.

I mean, it could be important.

It's not important.

Now where were we?

I don't know.

I think the moment

might have passed.

I don't think so.

Thank God.

What?

That you're a good kissen

I mean, what ifyou

were a bad kisser,

and, you know,

there's this chemistry,

but what if that was like,

beginner's luck?

I mean, I might need

a do-overjust to be sure.

You want a mulligan?

I do.

So I did something today.

Really, what was that?

I went down to

the Department of Public Health,

and I spoke to a counselor

about HIV,

found out what things

were safer than others.

Really?

Yeah.

I know it's early,

I just--

well, I like you,

and I wanted to be prepared.

[chuckles]

That's, like, the nicest thing

any0ne's done for me

in a long time.

You know, I miss outon so much

all because

I have this damn bug,

and I can't seem to get

rid of it.

I have zero viral load,

but it's still there.

It's okay.

I really do like you.

I like you, too.

I wonder if you'd be good

to cuddle with.

Well, maybe one of these days,

if you're nice,

I'll let you find out.

Yeah, but maybe I could just,

you know,

take you for a test drive,

see how I fit in the nook.

Into the what?

The nook.

Just lay on your back.

I'll show you.

Okay, so the nook

is this area here.

[Sighs]

Well? Survey says?

It's nice.

So do you do this

on all your dates?

Oh, I knew you'd call it

a date,

and, no, I do not.

Well, this is nice.

Mm-hmm.

I don't really date

that much.

Me neither

H 9Y-

Yeah.

I should probably go.

[Yawning]

Really?

Yeah.

Do you have to work

in the morning?

No.

It's late, though.

Ishould probably let you

get to bed.

You know, you could come

to bed with me.

Not for sex. I don't want

to have sex with you.

Well--

I mean, I do want to have sex

with you.

I don't want to have sex

with you tonight.

Does that make sense?

I'm rambling.

Yeah, you're rambling.

Yeah.

S0...

why don't you go ahead

and lead the way, handsome?

Really?

Yeah.

Okay.

Oh.

You're just gonna get

into bed fully dressed?

I don't know.

Yeah, I guess.

Well, how about we take off

some of these clothes

and get

a little more comfortable?

Some of these clothes.

Yeah.

Such as?

Let's start with the shirt.

It's your turn.

By all means.

God, you're

such a good kisser

That's because

I have a good partnen

Whoa, whoa, whoa...

What?

Let's just hang on f0r--

I think we should behave.

Slow down a little bit.

Yeah, behave.

No, you're rig ht.

We should slow down.

Yeah.

No, n0...

Dude, you have to get off

because if you don't,

I'm gonna f***ing rape you.

You can't rape the willing.

All right.

Sleep?

All rig ht,

sleep, okay.

One more kiss.

All right, I'll be good.

Get off.

Off. Off.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Oh, good morning,

Sleeping Beauty.

How are you?

Good morning, handsome.

How did you sleep?

[sighs]

Good. You?

I slept good, too.

Good.

Listen, I gotta head out soon.

No.

No, no, no, that's 0kay--

No, stay in bed with me.

You got a big day planned?

No, I'm just gonna

work out.

Yeah?

What about you?

I gotta head into the office

in a while, but...

I just gotta tell you

that was a hell ofa night

last night.

One heck of a date.

Yeah, it was.

So when can I see you again?

I don't know.

What are you doing later?

Seeing you.

Good answen

So, how's that blue bail

situation, kid?

It's the same.

No sex.

Just f*** already.

It's been long enough.

It's been two days,

and I'm saving myself.

For what?

You're not a virgin, Ben.

Well, I am with Grey.

Do you even hear yourself?

Yeah, butl really like

this guy,

and if the sex it bad,

I'm gonna lose interest.

So you move on.

Next

You know, first time sex

is always tricky.

Aren't you the one

who always told me,

"The more you know somebody,

the better sex is?"

Yeah, that was me lying

to myself.

First time sex

ever been tricky for you?

No, I mean,

I murderthat sh*t, kid.

How's that?

0k, listen.

Sex and love are separate,

right?

Like, I could bang a broad

and not love hen

Y0u-- You get it all twisted.

You think

thatjust because you had sex,

automatically

you need to fall in love.

That's ridiculous.

No, it isn't.

I separate

what needs to be separated.

You act like you're all moral,

but you do the same sh*t

except you create

this huge fig ht

to break up with the dude

instead of being direct.

No, I don't.

You know,

I used to do that,

but that's just because I

hadn't found the right guy yet.

Or it's because

you're just like me,

and you're afraid to commit.

No.

Whateven

[phone rings]

Oh, it's Grey.

So answer it.

No. No.

He called you

two times already today.

Yeah?

Listen, I can't be

too readily available, okay?

Oh, so now we're

playing games, huh?

It's not good, Ben.

It's not good.

You guys are so sweet.

Ben and Grey making it official

on Facebook.

Yeah, we've been dating

for a few months,

so I figure, why not?

Yeah.

Really?

Who does that?

Isn't Facebook

for, like, 14-year-old girls

and future pedophiles?

No.

Listen, you're straight

and married.

I don't expect you

to understand.

Yes, butl think

it's great.

I change my Facebook status

all the time

on my Blackberry.

I put up pictures today

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