Shut Up and Kiss Me Page #6

of my new piercing, everyone.

Oh, T-M-I.

New topic, anyone?

[doorbell rings]

Guys, please behave

and do not embarrass me.

Thank you.

So Grey,

do you know Ben

has a phobia of commitment?

Brad, stop.

Grey, Ben is a great guy.

Big 0l' bottom.

You hurt him,

I'll f***in' kill ya.

Oh, Vinnie,

if somebody hurts me,

will you kill them?

Zip it.

So there's not really

much of a warm up

with this crew, is there?

No,

this is exactly

why they've never met anyone

I've dated before.

Thank you

for embarrassing me, guys.

Thank you. Glad we got that

out of the way.

Wait, you guys have never met

anyone that Ben's dated, ever?

You are officially

the first.

It's the darnedest thing,

For some reason

he never keeps them

around long enough

for us to actually meet--

aah...

Okay, I'm officially

worried now.

Don't be.

We're an easy group.

So Grey,

you got a straight brother?

No, two sisters actually,

both married.

That's a shame,

because you're hot.

Grey, if Ben brings you around,

you are officially

part of the family.

And with that, ladies,

let's go and make these boys

some drinks.

Like a good woman should.

[slaps] Aah.

You keep it up

and no sex foryou.

I'll be right back.

Don't go anywhere.

You're mine.

I miss you already.

See what I'm talking about?

She's got me

in the f***ing Cobra Clutch.

Jesus.

Vinnie, don't ever leave me.

Ifl can't have you,

nobody can.

Because I'm a cuckoo psycho.

Cuckoo.

Keep laughing.

You're boy is a funny guy.

Wait till it happens to you.

That's exactly

what the f*** she's like.

I'm back.

I couldn't be

away from you.

Why do you gotta

always hang on me?

So Grey,

you're a designer?

Yeah, mainly I remodel

high end hotels and stuff.

Mm, do you think you can get us

a discount on a hotel room?

Uh, no, sorry.

So Grey,

I hear you don't believe

in monogamy.

Okay, Brad, thank you.

Thank you for that, Brad.

I have never shown you

the back yard.

Backyard--

code word for "backdoor"?

Okay, let's go.

So Grey was nice.

Yeah.

He's seems sweet,

and you guys seem like you

really like each other

Oh, my gosh,

those sheep are so cute.

Look at 'em.

[sheep bleats]

Yeah, I guess, for sheep.

Why are sheep

always the target

for farmers to have sex with?

I don't know.

I've never had sex

with a sheep.

Well, that's good for you,

but where is their hole even?

Are you are kidding me?

It's under their tail.

Oh.

Do you think it's

because they don't kick

like a horse does?

Sara, I don't know.

I've never had sex

with any farm animal.

I mean, I guess

ifl had to figure it out,

I don't know, maybe it's

because they don't bite?

Oh, good point.

I do like Grey for you,

though.

All right,

out of left field.

And I like Grey for me, too.

Hey, you know

he's gonna come over,

and we're gonna have

a take-out date tomorrow night.

Do you wanna come over, too?

And be the third wheel?

No, thanks.

A.D.D. Interiors.

Who's this?

Hi, Ben.

How are you doing?

Hold on one sec.

Grey, it's your boyfriend.

Knock it off.

He's not my boyfriend.

Shut up.

Hey.

Yeah, you need me to stop by

the store and pick up anything?

All right.

I'll see you around 7:00.

All right, bye.

You got a date, huh?

Look at you blush.

You really like him.

Shut up.

Don't you got something

you gotta file or something?

No.

Well find something.

No, I don't.

Yeah, you do.

[laughs]

You're awful quiet.

You don't like the food?

The food's fine.

It's just--

[Sighs]

I had a foreman

f*** up on a job today,

and it's just given me

a headache.

That sucks.

Yeah.

I'll tell you what.

If you clear the table,

I'll give you a back rub.

Really?

Really.

A good one.

You said something

about a back rub?

Yeah, well that was faster

than expected.

Lean back.

Oh, God, that's good.

So what exactly do I get

ifl mop the floor?

Well, I am sure

we can negotiate on something.

[Grey chuckles]

You are really tense.

Did you have more than

one problem at work today?

Hello?

Earth to Grey.

Yeah.

You got something

on your mind?

No, no.

Actually yeah, I do.

Have a seat.

All rig ht, well,

this doesn't sound too good.

All right...

so afterl got off the phone

with you today,

I-- I hooked up with a guy.

You what?

Look, I didn't go out looking

for it.

Itjust happened.

Oh, itjust happened.

It'sjusta guy thatl hook up

with from time to time.

So this is a regular thing?

Ben, when we got together,

I told you that

I didn't believe in monogamy.

That's why I was so worried

about dating you.

Look, I think it's sweet that

you can stay so green

and keep

your Midwestern values

in a city like this, but--

I'm green because

I don't hook up with randoms.

All rig ht, okay, now,

don't get so upset.

I knew

I shouldn't have told you.

Yeah,

you should have told me,

but then you're gonna sit there

and tell me this is all

because I'm green

because I don't hook up

like a slut.

But you are green, okay?

That's whatl like about you,

but face it, you are green.

I mean, have you ever been

to a sex club?

No.

Ever had a three way?

No, but that doesn't make me

green

because I'm not hooking up

with randoms.

But it does.

I'm sorry if that offends you,

but let's face it.

I'm a man,

and I'm not dead yet.

You're a man,

and you're not dead?

Well how f***ing Zen

of you, Grey.

Come on, grow up.

You see, that's whyl didn't

want to tell you any of this.

I didn't want this

to upset you.

Don't take it so personal.

Don't take this personal?

You don't think this all starts

with us being personal?

Come on, okay?

Wrong choice of words.

Just don't take it that way.

Why don't you tell me

how you did mean it?

How about we spend

the next few months

just filling up your days

and then you can run off and

sleep with whomever you want?

First of all,

did you ever stop to think

that this wasn't

all about you? Huh?

You're delusional.

Second of all,

maybe I'm falling for you,

okay?

Do you have any idea

how hard that is for me?

Well I might be falling

for you, too,

but if this is so hard on you,

why would you sleep

with someone else?

Have you ever thought

that I was terrified

that I would get you positive?

Do you have any idea

what that's like?

I live with that fear

every day.

That's really unfain

Now, I don't know

what that's like,

and I'm sorry to be

insensitive,

but you cheated.

Grow up.

I slept with someone.

Look, you and I spend

every day togethen

We go to the movies.

We go hiking.

No guy I've hook up

with has slept in my bed.

You do.

No guyl sleep with

has met my friends,

but you have.

You've got to factor that in,

okay?

I told you from day one

that I was not monogamous.

I don't say these things

to hurt you,

but you're the one who said

you'd always wanna know.

[weeping]

I just didn't think

it would feel like

I got punched in the throat.

I am sorry, okay?

Am I doing something wrong?

You can tell me.

Ijust don't know

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