Sidewalks of New York Page #8

A hundred? Two hundred and fifty?

I don't know.

That's the great thing

about New York.

You walk down the street

and you encounter...

...like a thousand potential

sexual partners every day.

A walk to the deli

can be very erotic.

I know it sounds pathetic,

but I've had three.

I got married early.

I was 22 years old.

But, you know,

one of them is my husband.

Not too many. I don't know.

Like nine or ten.

I was always one of those guys

that's been in a series...

...of long-term relationships.

I never really had the opportunity

to put up the big numbers.

Seventeen, but, you know,

there was no one-night stands.

I just dated a lot, so-

Oh, Jesus.

That's the greeting I get now?

If I find you outside my door, yes.

What are you doing here?

- It's not like I'm stalking you.

- Yes, it is.

I can't find my keys.

I gave you a spare set.

I thought,

for emergencies like this-

Okay, hold on.

I'll get them for you.

- I should have seen that coming.

- Gonna introduce me to your friend?

Tommy, this is

my ex-husband Benjamin.

- Ben, this is Tommy.

- How you doin', man?

I'm doing good.

- That's a nice jacket.

- Thanks.

Can I talk to you

for a second in private?

Maria, this is very important.

We have some talking to do.

You think I'm someone who needs

to explain myself to you.

Pal, would you give us

a second here in private?

- She'll be right back.

- Benjamin, no.

If you want to talk to me,

do it out here.

Otherwise, I'll go get your keys

and you can call me in the morning.

I'll wait out here.

Tommy, would you like

to come inside?

No, I'll wait out here

with my pal.

- Get to know him.

- Fine.

So where are you located?

I'll call you tomorrow.

- You're welcome, Benjamin.

- Thanks.

I'm so sorry.

Look, you don't have any diseases

that I should know about, right?

Why? You got any diseases

I should know about?

Are you sure?

I swear. Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm sure.

I just had a test.

Well, that's good.

You really should have thought

to bring a condom, though.

Yeah, look, I'm sorry.

It was only a second date.

I didn't think we'd get this far.

Yeah, well-

I'm really sorry

to have to hurry you...

...but I've really got to get to work.

You got to get to work?

I thought you were a schoolteacher.

Yeah. So?

Yeah, well, today's Sunday, right?

Yeah, well...

I'm taking the class

on a school trip...

...and we're going to the zoo, so-

Why don't you take this one?

I'll wait for the next one.

No, I can't do that.

You said you gotta get to work, so-

Don't worry about it.

Come on. You got

the kids waiting, right?

I'll get the next one.

See you around.

With Maria, quite honestly,

I don't know what happened.

Went out a couple times.

I thought we had a good time.

Obviously, we must've.

We had sex

the second time we went out.

I think I got a little freaked out

sleeping with another guy.

It's not like I didn't like him.

I hadn't slept with anyone

since Benjamin.

It just got me a little scared.

After that, she tried

to kick me out of the house.

I called her a bunch of times.

She never called me back.

I guess I got the hint

and stopped calling.

How did you feel when you

saw Maria and Tommy together?

My pal? My pal Tommy. Yeah.

It's terrible she'd let

a guy like that into her home.

That's the apartment

I shared with her.

To think that that guy was showering

under the showerhead I installed...

...makes me very angry.

You actually pay attention

to your horoscope?

I read it every day.

It's actually pretty accurate.

Accurate? In what way?

It keys me into what

to watch out for in life.

Why I may be feeling

a particular way on a certain day.

What did today's tell you?

See what it says.

It said- Yeah, right.

"You have had your fill

of certain people.

Make a clean break.

There are, however,

changes in the air.

A person in uniform

could deliver the key...

...to your love life and happiness. "

Get out of here.

It says that?

Yeah.

That's me! That is me.

You know what? That's me.

I am the man in the uniform

that can deliver...

...the key to your love life

and your happiness.

I wear a uniform.

Unless it's your mailman.

What kind of relationship

do you have with him?

Her. So you don't have to worry.

You know what?

You said you don't buy into

the whole astrology thing.

So, therefore,

this does not apply to us.

- I never said-

- Yes, you did.

I never said I didn't buy

into astrology.

I said I was

a little suspect of it.

What is this, the Daily News?

I'm sure it's

a very accurate reading.

What does it say? That you

should make a "clean break. "

See that? What do you think

about that part of it?

Like I said,

it helps me make decisions.

How did you end up

with this guy that you're with?

The man is married.

He's a dentist, right?

He's also a hundred years old...

...so he's got three major strikes

against him.

In my eyes,

three strikes, you're out.

- You know what I mean?

- Yeah, I know what you mean.

It was really simple.

I was sitting in the park one day,

and he came up to me and hit on me.

Are you a model?

If I were a model, why would I

be sitting here studying right now?

That's very funny.

You should be if you're not

because you're very beautiful.

You have a very different look.

You're not a classic beauty.

I think you have the look

of the new millennium.

- "The look of the new millennium"?

- Yeah.

You are kidding, right?

I'm not kidding. I'm serious.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, I think you do.

Look at your nose.

You have a beautiful nose.

- I had it fixed when I was 13.

- Really?

- They did a great job.

- Thanks.

Wonderful.

I'm Griffin, by the way.

- Ashley.

- Nice to meet you. Beautiful name.

What do you say?

Will you let me

take you out sometime?

- Aren't you married?

- Married? Why do you say that?

Where do you get that from,

that I'm married?

You have a ring on your finger.

Isn't that a ring?

Well, technically I'm married, yeah,

but I'm not really married.

We have an understanding.

So is this understanding

between you and your wife...

...or you and your dick?

That's very funny.

You're very funny.

The man is, what, 39 years old?

How old are you? Nineteen.

When you were in fifth grade,

he was 32.

When he was my age,

you were just being born.

Or like when-

Let's say when you-

I get the point.

You have to admit, as you get older,

the age gap does shorten.

Maybe if you were 60 and he was 80,

it wouldn't seem so weird.

But, honestly, I thought

he was your father.

I bet a lot of people think that.

You know, we don't really go out

a whole lot in public.

You'd be surprised. Most young girls

do wanna go for older guys...

...because most young guys just wanna

screw as many girls as possible.

They don't want a commitment.

They just want a lot of conquests.

Here you go.

What kind of commitment

does a married guy give you?

So what would I be to you?

What, just another notch

on your belt?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes