Sidewalks of New York Page #9

Ashley, are you kidding me?

Are you crazy?

Do you know

that I would marry you?

I would marry you today

if you say yes to me. I swear.

Come on. Let me take you out

on a date. Great time.

I'm the man in the uniform,

you know?

What do you say? Please?

Yeah? Really?

Why are you wearing handcuffs?

Crazy girl, bad breath, no sex,

and she lost the key.

That's not good.

No, that's not good,

not good at all.

You still after that waitress

who is so way beyond your league?

As a matter of fact,

I have a date with her this weekend.

That's great.

No, I'm happy for you.

Douche bag.

- Crazy girl, bad breath, no sex

- Don't. Don't.

And she lost the key...

Don't push my buttons.

I'm really right here.

I don't know if he has a problem,

but I gotta tell you...

...after his divorce

he was like f***ed up in the head.

It was like he wanted to screw

everything that wasn't nailed down.

But that's not Ben.

Ben, really, he wants to be in

a monogamous relationship, you know?

I hope it works out

with that waitress.

- I definitely don't think so.

- This is very upsetting.

- These are some classic albums.

- It's not my kind of music.

How do you not know these albums?

These are records that shaped rock

'n' roll and the world we live in.

I don't listen to this kind of

music. This is your kind of music.

All these guys, they're dead.

They're all dead. They were dead

before I was even born.

Morrison and Hendrix, yeah.

But like the Rolling Stones-

Only one guy died really early on

in the Rolling Stones.

They replaced him,

and they were still great.

I think that

the most mandatory album...

...if we're gonna start

a record collection for you...

...is Exile on Main Street.

Like, this is a no-brainer.

And, like, we're gonna have to get

some Zeppelin for you...

...because otherwise-

Here, Zeppelin I.

This is possibly the greatest-

No, it is possibly the greatest

debut album of all time.

Except, of course-

Greetings from Asbury Park.

You have to have this.

- You have to have this, okay?

- New Jersey.

You're good. You're set here.

You're so good now.

Are you sure I'm gonna like these?

There's 80 zillion records in here.

I am positive. Honestly, if you

don't like these, you have problems.

We're gonna have problems here.

If you can't see

the beauty and the poetry...

...and the majesty...

...and, like, the brilliance

of these albums...

...then I don't know

what's wrong with you.

You have a deficiency

in your soul or something.

I'm only kidding.

I'm only kidding you.

- Can I be honest with you?

- I hope you're always honest.

I am, totally. But I think

that this is really important.

I think you're the most beautiful

woman I've ever known.

You're kind. You're so sweet.

And I think I'm falling

in love with you.

Benny, you're sweet.

- You're just saying that.

- You're sweet, sweet, sweet.

- You are.

- I'm not that sweet.

I'm really a savage.

I'm a f***ing wild man.

You just have to let me show you

that side of myself.

No, I like the sweet side.

I know enough savages already.

Yeah, but I'm a savage

with a very sweet side.

Yeah?

Plus, I'm the man in the uniform.

- All right?

- Yeah.

I told you that I would

make more time for you.

I took you out to dinner.

No, it's not that.

It's just that

I'm not happy anymore.

What do you want me to do?

I cannot get a divorce.

I don't want you to do anything.

I just don't want to be

with you anymore.

- Did you meet somebody else?

- No.

Come on. Who's the guy?

Did you meet some other guy

with a big cock?

Nobody you'd know.

There is somebody else.

What is he?

Some little kid that you

go walking in the park with?

You hold his hand

and go to the movies with...

...and then you hold

his huge cock in the movie?

I don't think you're

in a position to tell people...

...what they can and can't do...

...or who they can

and can't be with.

My position is

a little different.

I can't just stop

seeing my wife.

- You're gonna regret this.

- Maybe.

But I doubt it.

Everything all right, Griff?

What do you think? That little girl

is driving me crazy.

Why do you keep

doing this to yourself?

How many girls do you have to screw

before you realize you can get laid?

I don't think the patient

in the back room heard you.

- What was that?

- Nothing.

Doctor?

I'll be right there, Mrs. Bass.

Do me a favor, Carol.

Send one dozen flowers...

...to the Washington Square Street

address with a note...

...that says, "I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. What can I do?"

Where's my flowers?

- Your flowers?

- Yeah.

Don't start with me, okay?

Please don't.

Please. I mean, with you

and then Sigmund Freud over there-

- Doctor.

- I'm coming, Mrs. Bass.

I'm ready for

that extraction now.

- Wait a second. Wait.

- What's wrong?

- What's wrong?

- Nothing.

Just move down.

Move down a little lower.

There you go.

Is that it?

- No, you're not going in there.

- I'm not trying to.

I could use a compass, though.

It's weird. I've never

made love with a virgin.

You're real cute.

Let me enter because I'm

about to splooge as it is.

What is that?

Who the f*** is that?

Should I get it?

I'm gonna get it.

Don't go get the door.

Who in the f*** is this?

Could be important.

- Go away!

- I want to talk to you.

- I don't want to talk to you.

- Well, too f***ing bad about you.

- Let me in. Come on.

- No.

- I'm busy. Get the f*** out.

- What do you mean, you're busy?

What do you mean? You got

that little queer boyfriend there?

Get the f*** away from the door!

Get away!

You don't understand.

I'm going to leave my wife.

- Can I tell you that I don't care?

- What do you mean?

- I don't care.

- You don't care?

You break up my marriage

and you tell me you don't care?

Open the f***in' door!

Open the f***in' door!

Open this f***ing door!

Open this f***ing door right now!

Who the f*** is in there with you?

- Get away from the f***ing door!

- This is what you do?

After everything I've done for you,

this is how you treat me?

That's nice.

Christ.

This building is like

Sodom and Gomorrah tonight.

You girls need a hand over there?

F*** off, scumbag.

Nice, nice.

- Where have you been all night?

- I was at the gym.

- Again?

- Yeah, yeah.

- I have to talk to you.

- What, honey?

This is hard for me to say,

because I'm afraid of...

...what the answer might be...

...but I just can't live feeling

like I'm feeling and not saying it.

Are you having an affair?

What? Am I having an affair?

Why would you say such a thing?

How can I not ask you? You're

not available emotionally anymore.

You come home late some nights

and you immediately take a shower.

We barely make love.

You never talk about having kids.

You came home that one night,

and you smelled like perfume.

I hear you having late-night

phone conversations whispering.

All right.

I can understand

from where you're sitting...

...that it would seem like that...

...but I have a good excuse for every

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