Sisters Page #5

Okay, listen. My daughter

and I are moving to Orlando

and I really need a job.

Oh, no.

Okay, look. Just smile and shake

my hand like you gave me a job

and I will text you

a picture of my b*obs.

Real good ones. High and happy.

No? I misread your deal.

Smile and shake my hand.

Or I will text you a

picture of my b*obs,

and I know you don't wanna see them.

Awesome! Thank you, Vicky.

I will see you on Monday.

Boom! I got a job.

And look what I pulled out of your

wallet. "Success is desire in action."

Amazing! You're crushing it!

Whoo!

We need to cancel

dinner with Mom and Dad.

What if we lie to Mom and Dad

and then they die in their sleep?

Don't let them smell your guilt.

Girls.

Hey, Mom, we are doing

so much work over there

and doing nothing else,

and I am telling the truth.

Well.

I was just, um, putting the

silverware in the drawers here.

Hey, we can't have dinner tonight.

Yeah, because we're in such packing

mode we don't wanna stop our groove.

Sounds good!

Oh.

No. We've...

Okay!

Bye. We're leaving!

Did we just cock block our parents'?

They were fresh off the sex griddle.

There was so much color in her face.

Hey, see you tonight! You know,

I'm laying down a bread base.

So I wanna stop by Sam and

Gray's house, real quick.

Oh, I haven't seen those

homos since high school!

I know.

They said that we could borrow those

cool chairs they had at their wedding.

Gays know how to throw a party.

Go to Costco, get a pan of hot wings.

Get some big, basic salamis.

Or just make a fuckload of potato salad.

With Tostitos Scoops.

It's like a spoon you can eat.

Obviously, it's the gay men

who have the great party ideas.

I wish being gay was a choice because I

always did like that shorts and boots look.

Yeah, I don't know.

For me, the deal breaker might

be the eating of the p*ssy.

Oh, really? Because for me it would just

be the f***ing unbearable amount of talking.

BYE, guys!

Hmm, what do you think, Brayla?

That looks amazing on you.

I never met a Brayla before.

I know, like, three.

Oh, so you're trending. God bless.

You know, it's a lot of under teat

but I think I'm getting away with it.

Also it's, um, on backwards.

You think? Yeah.

How's it going in there?

I don't get this dress.

One of my apples keeps

rolling out of the bag.

But I like the story it

tells with the fringe.

You're gonna have to rock

a thong with this, though.

Oh, no, I don't wear thongs.

I have a very fussy taint.

You just have to build up

a callus. Right, Brayla?

That looks amazing on you.

I worry that she just wants the

sale. She's not telling us the truth.

No. Brayla has no pleasure

center in her brain.

Oh, here we go.

Haley! How-slash-where

are you?

You can trust me.

I am at a friend's house.

So I got Your text message

about moving in with Gram and

Gramps, and you know I love Orlando.

I'm super excited about this!

Yeah, you know what? I was

real excited about it, too,

and it turns out that Gram and

Gramps are selling their house.

Oh...

Okay, I like that it

has a strong message,

but I am afraid that I'm

gonna zip my bush up in there.

We can still make Orlando happen.

I promise, I will find another way.

Don't be upset.

Okay, give it to me.

Hey, honey. It's Maura. Hey.

Listen, your morn forgot to

tell you the most important part,

which is that she got a job out

here at a very fancy nail salon.

Really? Yes.

Try something on.

So I think maybe you should come here

earlier next week, and surprise her.

She really misses you.

Aunt Maura, I don't know. I don't know.

Haley, I know I said that I was

going to help you for a while,

but now you have to get

back with your mother.

I hate keeping secrets.

Especially from my sister.

It gives me guilt diarrhea.

Okay. But what should I do with Polenta?

The dog-sitters number

is on the counter.

Use my credit card, and

get a flight, and come here.

It's gonna work this

time, honey, I promise.

Okay, if you think so.

I love you. Love you, too.

Bye.

Haley's good. It's all fine.

Aw. That's awesome. Thanks.

These dresses are made for

Chinese tomboys, by the way.

I don't know about that one.

Really, because what about this part?

That's a Play-Doh Fun

Factory right there. Ooh.

And the eye goes right

to it. Yeah, look at that.

That is flesh, and dudes like that. They

don't care what thing it's coming out of.

This dress smells like pickles.

Better work.

It just feels like it's

maybe one or the other.

I think it's what

they call "either/and."

No, I don't. Well...

Right, Brayla? Brayla, where you from?

That looks amazing on you. Mmm-hmm.

We got to find another store,

they can't handle our heat here.

God. We need, like, a little less "Forever

21" and a little more "Suddenly 42."

Yeah. We are keeping it tight.

It is tight. This is very tight.

Here, give me a kiss.

- Wait. Where are we going?

- One last errand.

Get it, girl. What?

Oh, my God. Damn it. I knew

it! You never offer to drive.

Ask him. "Desire needs action,"

or whatever the f*** that one said.

I don't have my good bra

on. I have beef jerky breath.

Okay. Okay.

Hi. Hi.

I'm, uh, Maura, from yonder there.

My sister and I

objectified you yesterday?

I remember you.

I'm James. Hi, James.

Do you go by Jimmy?

Usually James, sometimes James.

Well, just wanted to say

hello. And that's all I got, so.

Uh...

Would you borrow me your bathroom?

Number one only.

Of course, come in. You can do

whatever you want in there, really.

Wow.

I am actually just renovating it,

I'm gonna put it on the market.

Wow. You're doing a really

nice job. Oh, thank you.

It was my parents' house, but they

passed away within a year of each other.

Oh, my God. That's horrible.

Yeah. Yeah, it was really sad.

Are you gonna be okay?

I'm sorry. It's just

that's, like, my worst fear.

I'm sorry I told you. I'm sorry

you had to find out this way.

My legs just went numb.

I'll be okay.

Uh' do you still need the bathroom?

I think I'm too sad to go now.

Yeah, of course.

Okay.

Hey, who's this guy?

Oh, that's Mashed Potatoes.

I'm pretty mad at him right now.

Hey!

Would you like to flank me at a party

that I'm attending at

my own house tonight?

Him or me?

Oh, you. Yeah, yeah.

Ah, maybe. What time?

8230. 8245. 9200.

You know, it doesn't

matter. I'm pretty laid back.

Okay, okay. Let me just, uh,

check my calendar real quick.

You're lucky. I am free.

Well, that's a good news!

I'm not Italian. I don't

know why I said it like that.

No, I like Italians.

Okay. I'm half-Italian.

No, I'm not. That was a lie.

So, then I... There, yeah. Okay.

You will come to the party

and I cannot stop trailing off.

All right. But I will now.

I'm just gonna casually George

Jefferson my way out of here.

To you.

And just gonna ease on down the

road and re-run it to the car.

Okay, goodbye. Oh!

Bye!

Kate, let me in.

Oh, hello.

Hi. Why?

We were measuring for a pergola.

What, like Polish food? I'm

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